Hi all
Recently at work it appears that I'm a bit of social pariah purely because I'm in my 30s and single. This, in their eyes, warrants sympathy and phrases like "you'll find somebody" and "it's only a matter of time".
It came about due to somebody who I worked with commented that I never mention my girlfriend after a group of us had a long conversation regarding partners, marriage, etc (I didn't contribute a great deal to this conversation!)
When I said "that's because I'm single" she asked how old I was. When I said 31 it started the sympathy of her saying "I'm so sorry" and doing that shock gesture when their mouth gapes open which they cover with their hand.
She then mentioned it to somebody else who was involved in the previous conversation and she remarked "I know we'll have to find him somebody". Them two along with somebody else then started talking about who was single at work and who they could "set me up with". The first person they mentioned was the person I mentioned in my early blog, the one I'm kinda in love with.
For a split second I was really tempted to let them try, for them to test the waters for me but I quickly said that I think she was already with somebody. I'm not sure if that's true or not, I just didn't want them saying anything to her for many, many reasons.
But the thing I found really interesting was not the reaction when they found out I was single, which is something I don't try to hide or avoid talking about, it was my age coupled with the fact I'm single and their reaction to finding that out.
Am I an oddity because I'm single paired with my age?
In some respects I can see their point of view. Most of my mates from college are married or engaged. I have a list of weddings coming up for various friends over the next year. Statistically I'm "not normal". But even if you take marriage out of the equation I can only name a few of my friends who are the same age or older and single.
But is it an out dated view that once you reach a certain age you should be with somebody or is it something that's seen as a "natural" part of life?
I don't know and at first I didn't care. I just found the reactions interesting.
But after a while thinking about it, I did start to pick at myself in the usual way I do when I start to really think about things.
Asking if I was single because I want to be and past experiences have left me with the view that it's not worth it and I should keep people at arm's length. Never letting anybody get close, never letting them see me for me.
Or is it because nobody actually wants me and even if I didn't hold the aforementioned views, I'd still be single. I have been single for a long time and it did, and now again does, get me down. Maybe that is why they show sympathy?
I pretend it's the former, but if I'm being honest it's probably the latter...
Mark