I can't seem to find my inspiration. I don't know if I've been in the same situation, haven't had much time to just go out and see the world, pick up vibes. I'm hoping a little three day excursion with a friend (friend who I am attracted to but know it's not in THAT way) to just get out of town for a while. Hopefully I will get to see his hometown and maybe shoot up to ocean city for the hell of it. I hope to be taking some pics (maybe of him too
) and hopefully regaining my muse.
Had an intersting conversation with some of my newer friends about relationships. IN my altered state I actually mentioned that I had been feeling a bit lonely. We got into this intense conversation about what I was looking for, and that maybe I hadn't really been looking for it. It seems like people always say that you'll find that person; the one; when you least expect, when you're not looking. The conversation kept going and apparently I am the most straight gay man ever. This was funny to me. Apparently because I like sports, would love a guy I could just hang out with and have a couple beers with, and some cuddling.
The conversation evolved into asking if I was a "giver" or "receiver". And that maybe because to them I seemed to be so every day 'regular' guy acting that maybe I wasn't giving out the right signals, etc. it's kind of cute, I really don't have a any gay friends on the "outside" world, so explaining to them that yes there are stereotypical gay guys just like there are steretypical straight euphanisms doesn't mean there is a whole group of people who are gay and have varying traits.
Maybe it comes down to me. I find myself continually attracted to guys I know or profess to be straight. I don't know if it is that maybe I am looking for what I might deep down consider to be the opposite of me, that I am subconsciously I don't find msyelf attractive and am seeking out my opposite. I don'[t think being lonely plays upon my mind most of the time, but I could see where having someone special in my life would make a difference in my outlook. I think I'm a pretty happy, chill, outgoing person. But there are those times when you're painfully aware that you are single. For the most part I am content with the friends I have, but in my mind there are also those flashes of "He's a really great guy, why can't I find someone like him to be with?" I guess I'm just thinking too much.