Wow, it's been more than a year since I've posted a blog here. I don't know why I'm returning here, really. I pop in every now and then these days. I kind of miss this place, it's true. And here I am again.
Before I was just blown away by my last post being Feb. 11, 2008, I was going to post about why I post nude pictures of myself on the Internet. I guess I'll get to that.
I was found out. By an ex-girlfriend, of all people. I had stayed friends with her, but she was absolutely disgusted by my existence here, on NN. And then she had a problem with my current girlfriend, but that's another story. I'm no longer friendly with the ex.
So why do I post nude pics of myself? The short answer is low self-esteem. I'm always looking for validation. By the time I was in my late 20s, I was getting fat. My body did not look good naked. Around 30, I started eating better and working out. I started noticing the difference.
I have, since puberty, used my hand thousands and thousands of times to bring myself to orgasm. I ruined so many sheets when I was a teenager. My libido was always high, and that, coupled with an almost paralyzing shyness, led to lots of jerking off. Along comes the Internet.
I was always more interested in amateur stuff. That, of course, led me to NN. I had shown myself off in a couple less populated forums. Way too many "this is my dick" shots before I figured out women want to see the whole body.
And my body was pretty good then, in my early 30s. It's not bad now, really. Not nearly as good as it was then, but still.
So, my ex asked why I did it. Why did I get all pervy and post nude pics of myself?
I didn't know what to tell her. I'm an exhibitionist, but that's not a suitable answer. I want women to want to fuck me. How can I tell her that?
I seek validation, some confirmation that women are interested, because I've suffered in the past from shyness, humiliating turn-downs and social awkwardness. I've outgrown all that, but you never really quite get over it. All the embarrassing moments, the girls who (I can see now) wanted me to ask them out and I was too cowardly, all the missed opportunities.
So I guess this was a way of explaining it to NN the way I couldn't explain it to her. I needed to get that off my chest. Thank you for listening, on the off chance that anyone actually was listening. |