plumprlvr's Blog - page 5

To all my friends down under. I'll sing a rousing version of "Waltzing Matilda" for you (I'm old school).

Went to drop off my water bill since it is due tomorrow (was pissed with the extra trip as I forgot to do it yesterday). So about a half block away from the W District office I see what only can be called a crack whore. You usually don't see them in that part of town.
So I park and walk to the building to drop the bill off. As I turn around here is miss crack whore. She might have cute a decade ago but life took its toll on her. Pimpled face, scranny body and no tits. Or so I thought no tits until I saw her nipples pointing thru her top somewhere just north of her navel. Talk about serious stripper tits.
So she asked if I had a light. Told her I don't smoke (usually ends the conversaton). I start to the car. She tags along. Asks if I want a date. I tell her no. (do I look desperate??) She keeps walking with me. Telling me mouth, pussy or ass she'll do it. I tell her I'm not interested (and getting more than a little annoyed).
She does not take the hint that I'm not going to do anything with her. Her next line is well if you can't afford me I'll give you a deal (WTF!!is all I can think) $10 for the mouth, $30 for the pussy or ass and $50 you can do anything you want. I told her no way in hell was I interested. I said I was quite sure the rubber would melt in her toxic pussy. Her reply was I like it bareback. There clearly are a lot of stupid men in this world if they ride her BB. Told her to start walking toward the street and I wouldn't call the cops on her. She gives me this pouty lipped puppy dog look, starts to walk away. I slip to the drivers door, unlock it, quick get in, and lock the door. Yup as soon as she heares me open the door she ran to see if she could get the passenger door open before I locked them. The starts screaming that I'm missing the best fuck of my life and numerious other things.
I checked when I got home. No neon sign that said deperate for pussy. Nothing that said charity fucks welcome.

What tourqued me was the insinuation I couldn't afford her skank ass. But I do have to give her kudos for perserverence. Gotta be tough working the streets right now. I was about to give her $5 just to go away when she opened her trap about 'if you can't afford me'
This is another incident that three months from now I'll laugh at.

Whoo Hooo. I was finally able to get something that looked like a normal stream from my kidneys. Now to go in next so they can assess the damage I did to them.

Thanks to all for the nice comments and pm's. I am feeling much better today. At least today I can remember the disorientated - I could not think of it last night hence the foggy head.

Yes I know I should have stayed home. As I was racing to the bathroom the first time at work all I could hear was QuickDraw McDraw "this is what youse gets for doing your thunking Bobalo"

Thanks again to all - you guys are great

Just when thought I was over this flu - it was once again proven to me why I shouldn't do my own thunking.

Woke up at 5:15 with my ankles and calves cramping. Got up at 5:30 dizzy as hell. My kidneys felt like someone was hitting them with a baseball bat. Go pee - it is reddish brown. Go to take a shower but end up puking first. Pure bile puke. But I figure I'll try to go to work.

8:20 am and I get that acid feeling in my jaws that screams - YOU'RE GONNA BARF. Just as I get to the bathroom the first wave comes up. Kept my mouth closed and put my hand over. No avail. I exploded. Projectile vomit. I was a good 6 ft from the wall but I splatted it. Plus the floor. Plus my shirt. Now after this one would think I'd call it a day. Nope. Told our admin what I did so she could call maintenance. She told me to go home. Didn't listen to her either.

My shirt was so covered I had to take it off and wear my jacket. At least our floor is cold enough that people in coats is not unusual. Went to a meeting from 9 -10 am. About 9:50 I'm out of the meeting and in handicapped stall. This time I got my jacket off before puked more bile. The only thing I had left to wear at the office is a sport coat. I didn't want to make a fashion forward statement with the sport coat and my greying chest hair showing thru.

Left work and puked again at BART as I went to my car. Good thing was it was raining and I was in the parking lot. Just as I got into the car I threw up one more time. Thinking I missed myself once again I got into the car. WRONG. I could smell bile becasue it was on the bottom of my jacket and on my jeans. This is why I keep paper towels in the car. Wiped off as much as possible then drove with the windows down and the heat blasting.

Got home, drank some 7up and laid down. 3 hours later I woke up in the same position as when I crawled into bed. Another sip of pop and water then crashed again. Woke up about 5 to take my temp, great 102.1.

My feet cramped again so bad I physically had to pull them straight. Then it hit me. You'd think after running distance for over a quarter century and seen this many times I would have figured it out. But nooooooooooo.. I was dehydratred. The cramping, my kidneys shutting down, the brain fog, the sleeping, the puking bile. Why didn't I notice it. Figure with the flu all week I've had a hard time keeping water down but coffee was ok. So more coffee then normal and a couple stout at home. Lets just help that dehydration along.

By the time I realized what the problem was I would have had to to to Kaisers ER for an IV. I don't think so. ER on a Friday night for two bags of solution that will take almost 4 hours to drip in is not my idea of fun.

So it is almost 8pm here. Yes I have proven I am a whinney patient. My temp is still about 101, I am still foggy in the head. I'll open another bottle of 7up to see if by morning I am better.

I replied to someone who had asked questions about previous blogs. I hit submit and it went god knows where. So to the enquiring minds questions
I used the word colored because that was the terminology used at the time. Frau Spatzle backed me up with her reply. I could have used the northern term - Negro. But once you got across the Ohio River that word was only spoken in company. If you went to the restroom, the water fountain or an enterance the word in the proper word was colored. I once asked a man in the deep south why he used colored while in Cincinatti they used Negro. He replied that not all colored people are negros. We have come a long way.

The other question was about my spelling. Well I usually think about three sentences ahead of what I'm typing so I may leave out words or spell something correctly for the sentence I'm on. Plus NN has no #@!!%$ spell check (yes I'm a spoiled boy that way). Finally, when I was in grade school we had teachers who stayed with us for three years (also one teacher for all subjects). Mrs. R was my teacher from G 1-3. She was 9million years old (Revlon had a serious drop in rouge sales when this woman died) and was a Brit. Mrs. S was from G4-5 (I moved after G5) and if someone wants to know the description of her PM me. She was from Toronto Canada. So outside of grade K I had teachers who spelled like the Queen Mother. I try to spell American but when I am typing quickly I revert. Of course most the peeps who read this will say I am reverting at all but spelling words correctly.
Not lets see if this one posts...............
\

Ok, I bored and not tired. Feeling a little better. So if you don't want to read drivel........But my CURRENT peeves.
1. People who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom.
2. Infomercials that look like real news items. (but I love the plump redhead from the Neptune Society)
3. Billy Mayes and that annoying dude from ShamWOW. He almost sounds Aussie then the accent sounds Brit. He's probably from Alabama. And I really don't care if you "can't do this all day"
4. Guys at trough urinals who turn while shaking their dick dry. If I wanted to be spattered with piss I know a few women who would be willing to give me a golden shower.
5. Guys who take their time putting the family snake away while walking from the urinal to the door.
6. People who place the shopping cart in such a way in a Safeway aisle that Kate Moss couldn't squeeze by.
7. Paris Hilton
8. The kiss up game we play in the US during the three months before bonus review time.
9. Small dogs (unless they have a hot owner). If I want something that small I'll get a cat.
10. People who do blogs like this because they are bored senseless and want ESPN to put on womens singles from the Aussie Open and get rid of the guys (Monfils v Koubek?? Who are these guys and why do I care - I'll get blasted if any Aussie tennis fans read this).

Hehehe

I feeling to rought last night to blog and tonight I have a fever that is not letting me sleep. So back to the shower.
I figured this would be easy. Take the handle off, the other decorative thing and put the shower wrench in and take out the stem.
Handle came off, check.
Decorative thing. Umm Houston we have a problem. Damn thing won't budge. Vice grips to the rescue. Nope. Ok, 16 inch pipe wrench. Now I would like to think it was my manly muscle that moved this thing but I think the 16 incher had more to do with it. Got it off, then I see why it didn't move. The idiots that rehabed this place before I moved in used contractors adhesive to seal it. Umm you guys ever hear of caulk to seal around this thing? At least they didn't use marine grade adhesive or I never would have got that mother to move. The steam from the shower keep it loose. Minor damage to wall where adhesive was
Ok. sit in the wet tub. I wasn't going to shut the main off until I was sure I could get the stem to move. So the water is dripping on me Then I see where they used to caulk. In the hole in the wall where the stem comes through and where I need to put my wrench in. Ok, get the utility knife and the thing they give you at the hardware store to open paint cans. Start cutting and pulling, cutting and pulling. Start talking to no one in particular "shhh be very quite, we are hunting wabbit". More cutting and digging. Get most of the caulk out and FUCK they put that fucking expanding foam behind the caulk. WHY!! Get a awl. Awl, dig, cut, repeat. More talking "Once we get the hole bigger, we can get the wabbit. Well will stick our gun in there and BAM, no more Mr. Wabbit". After a period of two hours I think the hole is cleared enough. I am not feeling good but put that off to the fact I've been sitting in water for most of that time. Get the correct size wrench, shove it on, the stems moves with ease, start to sing "kill the wabbit, KILL THE WABBIT". Well Bugzy had another trick in his hole.
Only thing left to do was shut off the main. Go to the front yard and try to turn the main. If there was any question that it was my manly muscle and not a 16 inch pipe wrench, well my bubble burst. One of those things with PVC valves is they freeze up at the moment you need them to work. I shut this off with my fingers last summer. I tried everything I had that would fit in that fucking small box but no luck. Bullwinkle couldn't have got that thing to move.
So I get to wait until this weekend to fix the stupid faucet. I need to get an honest to god shutoff wrench. Surely it will be raining. But I will get that wascally wabbit yet.

On January 20, 1961 I was in Kindergarten in Lima Ohio. At noon, instead of going home, all the students in K-6 sat on the floor and watched JFK being sworn in on a black and white TV (the same TV I saw project Mercury orbit the earth and was informed of the death of JFK).
On January 20,2009 I was in my cube on Market St in San Francisco. I had a streaming video from Yahoo of the ABC broadcast of the swearing in Barack Obama.
In 1961 colour TV was still very new. I don't think Dick Tracy had the two way wrist radio yet. And there is no way that any of us could have forseen the internet. And lastly in 1961, when my dad would take me to Kentucky to fish, we sometimes brought along my best friend. I remember how, when we stopped for a break on the way to land between the lakes, he wasn't allowed to use the same restroom as my dad and I because my best friend was colored.

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,..... .....

"Ma'am,I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

''I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight,.... ..
let's pretend that we're married."

''Wow!...... ......... .......
That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. ............ .
"Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, ............ ......... .

he farted.

The End

Trying to change the washer on the shower facuet. This is starting to look more like Elmer Fudd hunting Wabbitt than Joe the Plumber.