**LONG READ** It used to be good times, but now a drought without anything on the horizon, What goes
8-Feb-25 06:17
**WARNING LONG READ AHEAD - SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE READING STORIES** 
I've just read through another similar thread here, which prompted me to post this. But didn't want to hijack the other guys thread with my story.....
So sorry about the double up.
I guess I'm not expecting any solutions, just unloading seeing if anyone else could relate/discuss.
Maybe there might be some ladies here who might be able offer some insight from a female perspective, sitting on the other side of the fence, as we usually see things from completely different perspectives. Maybe I've missed something significant here or done something wrong.
My girl and I have been together for almost 16 years now.
It was great for the first 10 years or so. In fact she had so much sex drive, that I couldn't keep up at times. Almost every morning I'd wake to her with her fingers working their way down, stroking me, getting me hard. I loved how by the time I worked my hands down her body she was already dripping wet, ready to go, just made the experience that much more passionate & erotic. Sometimes if I could handle it, we'd go 2 rounds and that was only limited by my pecker running out of puff or she'd go again!! That's how good it was, what a champion she was, great times lol
But over the last 3 or more years it's dried up. She's suffered from depression for a while, she's always been very clingy, insecure - hard work, but it was workable. But it's gradually got worse to the point where it's draining me I suspected it for a long time and her mother suffered from it as well. She wouldn't acknowledge it, but recently finally took the plunge and saw a doctor and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD...... We are both into our early 50s now, so on top of all that, like a lot of ladies of her age, she's been gaining weight through no fault of her own, and doesn't feel attractive anymore, feels 'fat and old'. I've assured her that she is attractive to me, I'm getting older too and things aren't what they used to be and keep telling her we that we will just get older together.
We love our coffee, so for our 15th anniversary last year, I took her out to dinner, but also thought I'd try to bump up hers spirits, ordered her a custom made coffee cup, with a cartoon style picture depicting both of us standing together, the nicknames we call each other, with the caption 'After 15 years, you're still hotter than this coffee'. I'm not the greatest at expressing my feelings, but thought something like this might re-enforce how I feel and maybe help get some of her confidence back. She seemed to appreciate it at the time, but sadly I felt it did little to convince her and it didn't seem to have any sort of flow on effect on the state of things.
It all started several years ago with her getting annoyed when I expressed my dislike of having an electric blanket on the bed. In winter I'd end up overheated, so would have to fold back the sheets on my side. Problem then being, within a few minutes would be freezing cold…. So whilst I didn't say no to the electric blanket, she knew I didn't like it, so didn't use it. I also got a set of earplugs made up for her so my snoring (which she often complained was keeping her awake) didn't affect her so much. I also tried a device that was supposed to help reduce snoring but it didn't really work. I’d start the heater up in the room an hour before she went to bed to try and warm the room up, but it wasn’t enough. Eventually she took leave of the bedroom, blaming it on wanting her electric blanket and me snoring, and moved to the bed in the spare room. I expected she would return in the warmer months, but she didn’t….. So I eventually caved in told her that if she wants the electric blanket, I'll just deal with it. She just shrugged her shoulders and said 'no it's ok' and continued to sleep in the spare room.....
It's never really been the same since. On our first year away after that on holidays we shared a bed at the motel, got nice and intimate together waking up most mornings with some really great sex. But that was the final time. Last few years we've been away on holidays at our favourite motel, she takes her gear straight to the spare room and that's where she sleeps.
She said she wants more hugs and that I don't hug her enough. I know I don't hug her enough, we hold hands and stuff, but I'm not that great with the spontaneous displays of affection, it always ends up being awkward. I tend to feel more comfortable expressing my feelings when we are close together, working up to it, whether it be embracing, holding each other on the lounge chair watching a movie or going to sleep or waking up next to each other in a bed. And it doesn't have to lead to sex. Sometimes, just caressing, holding each other, cuddling, kissing is nice and it maintains that connection. She used to lay her head on my lap when we watched movies on the lounge and I would affectionately run my hands over her body. But sadly that's all gone. Some of it's because we've got older and she gets all kind of aches laying down like that, but I think it's more about her not feeling the same way anymore. And now the intimacy has been gone for so long, we are increasingly drifting apart, which makes me wonder if we can ever get it back to what it was. We have almost become just housemates now. We even get dressed in separate rooms and almost feel awkward now if we accidently enter a room or bathroom while either one of us is naked or partially naked. We probably haven't even seen each other completely naked in a few years now either
We both picked up a few colds over the last winter, so stopped kissing each other good night. Just another thing that was morphing into a permanent thing. So, I made the effort to re-initiate us kissing each other goodnight and when we get up in the morning, in the hope that was something to cling onto. And we are still doing that.
It all came to heads last Christmas, when her true feelings were made fairly clear. My dad usually drives up for a visit and stays the night on Christmas eve as he lives a couple of hours drive away. The last couple of years it hasn't happened due to unrelated circumstances. But this year the planets all aligned and was all going to work out. The last time he stayed, although my girl and I were sleeping in separate beds at that stage, she seemed comfortable enough to spend the night back together in our double bed for just that night. Nothing happened beyond literally sleeping together, but we were comfortable enough together in the same bed. So this year I thought it would be a good opportunity to maybe break the ice and at least initiate spending at least maybe a Friday or Saturday night together in bed together. No underhanded plans of sex, just sharing a bed, being close together. But the mere mention of it, was met with an unexpected response. She reacted angrily and was disgusted with the thought that I would have even suggested "kicking her out of her room" for the night.... . WIth the mood she was in, I wasn't even going to try and negotiate, so I just left it alone. But wow it hurt hard that it would disgust her like that..... like a dagger in my side.....
So the situation was stressing me out, so I had no option but to make some lame excuse to my dad that unfortunately we had other plans that I'd forgotten about for that night, so he wouldn't be able to stay. When I politely mentioned to her that I told my dad he couldn't stay, she got angry again saying I should have spoken to her first, she could have stayed with her daughter for the night, now I've made her feel bad...... hmmm imagine that, I'd then be accused of kicking her out of her own house..... I was a shot duck either way
She's since explained to me that we've lost our connection and that she can't even consider anything physical until or even 'if', we get that connection back to where we were. She wants it back, but she hasn't explained how that's going to happen. But then went on to say later, that with all the depression stuff she's going through, if I were to cheat on her, it would break her..... So I'm confused, if there is no connection, why would she care if I did ? (not that I'm planning on cheating on her). We are both trying to get things back. but the catch 22 is that it's so hard to bond, when we can't even I can't get that reaction she had to the suggestion of us sharing a bed together out of my head. It's like she's treating me like I've done something really bad….. So I face the real prospect that if we stay together, I may never have sex again..... ever.
She’s at least now getting counselling as she had a melt down at her job at the end of last year. She said our relationship will also eventually be discussed as part of the counselling and that her counsellor would also like to talk with me. I have willingly agreed to that. But she’s a long way off that, they have a long way to go before going down that path.
So yeah, that leaves me not only feeling emotionally kind of lost, but I haven’t had sex or any sort of sexual relationship in over 3 years and there is nothing on the horizon. She is disgusted if she catches me looking at porn, she reacts completely over the top if I even instinctively briefly glance at an attractive girl when we are out. I mean I've still got needs, so have to resort to relieving myself over porn when she's not around.
Despite feeling a bit hard done by at the moment, I’m trying to do the right thing and stick by her. I'm not going to cheat on her, although she would consider me being here as cheating. But I'm running out of options. I always said I'd do the right thing and breakup before cheating on her. Unfortunately after 16 years together, financially I think it would be bad for both of us to split. I’ve fairly much paid off my house, have no debt and looking forward to debt free retirement in no more than 10 years time. I can't face the idea of doing it all over again.
So is anyone else going through something similar ? Advice, discussion ?
Ladies, from a female perspective, from what I've explained, is there something I'm missing here, have I done something wrong or am I reading it wrong ?
For those who made it to the end, thanks for taking the time to read my story.
I've just read through another similar thread here, which prompted me to post this. But didn't want to hijack the other guys thread with my story.....
So sorry about the double up.
I guess I'm not expecting any solutions, just unloading seeing if anyone else could relate/discuss.
Maybe there might be some ladies here who might be able offer some insight from a female perspective, sitting on the other side of the fence, as we usually see things from completely different perspectives. Maybe I've missed something significant here or done something wrong.
My girl and I have been together for almost 16 years now.
It was great for the first 10 years or so. In fact she had so much sex drive, that I couldn't keep up at times. Almost every morning I'd wake to her with her fingers working their way down, stroking me, getting me hard. I loved how by the time I worked my hands down her body she was already dripping wet, ready to go, just made the experience that much more passionate & erotic. Sometimes if I could handle it, we'd go 2 rounds and that was only limited by my pecker running out of puff or she'd go again!! That's how good it was, what a champion she was, great times lol
But over the last 3 or more years it's dried up. She's suffered from depression for a while, she's always been very clingy, insecure - hard work, but it was workable. But it's gradually got worse to the point where it's draining me I suspected it for a long time and her mother suffered from it as well. She wouldn't acknowledge it, but recently finally took the plunge and saw a doctor and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD...... We are both into our early 50s now, so on top of all that, like a lot of ladies of her age, she's been gaining weight through no fault of her own, and doesn't feel attractive anymore, feels 'fat and old'. I've assured her that she is attractive to me, I'm getting older too and things aren't what they used to be and keep telling her we that we will just get older together.
We love our coffee, so for our 15th anniversary last year, I took her out to dinner, but also thought I'd try to bump up hers spirits, ordered her a custom made coffee cup, with a cartoon style picture depicting both of us standing together, the nicknames we call each other, with the caption 'After 15 years, you're still hotter than this coffee'. I'm not the greatest at expressing my feelings, but thought something like this might re-enforce how I feel and maybe help get some of her confidence back. She seemed to appreciate it at the time, but sadly I felt it did little to convince her and it didn't seem to have any sort of flow on effect on the state of things.
It all started several years ago with her getting annoyed when I expressed my dislike of having an electric blanket on the bed. In winter I'd end up overheated, so would have to fold back the sheets on my side. Problem then being, within a few minutes would be freezing cold…. So whilst I didn't say no to the electric blanket, she knew I didn't like it, so didn't use it. I also got a set of earplugs made up for her so my snoring (which she often complained was keeping her awake) didn't affect her so much. I also tried a device that was supposed to help reduce snoring but it didn't really work. I’d start the heater up in the room an hour before she went to bed to try and warm the room up, but it wasn’t enough. Eventually she took leave of the bedroom, blaming it on wanting her electric blanket and me snoring, and moved to the bed in the spare room. I expected she would return in the warmer months, but she didn’t….. So I eventually caved in told her that if she wants the electric blanket, I'll just deal with it. She just shrugged her shoulders and said 'no it's ok' and continued to sleep in the spare room.....
It's never really been the same since. On our first year away after that on holidays we shared a bed at the motel, got nice and intimate together waking up most mornings with some really great sex. But that was the final time. Last few years we've been away on holidays at our favourite motel, she takes her gear straight to the spare room and that's where she sleeps.
She said she wants more hugs and that I don't hug her enough. I know I don't hug her enough, we hold hands and stuff, but I'm not that great with the spontaneous displays of affection, it always ends up being awkward. I tend to feel more comfortable expressing my feelings when we are close together, working up to it, whether it be embracing, holding each other on the lounge chair watching a movie or going to sleep or waking up next to each other in a bed. And it doesn't have to lead to sex. Sometimes, just caressing, holding each other, cuddling, kissing is nice and it maintains that connection. She used to lay her head on my lap when we watched movies on the lounge and I would affectionately run my hands over her body. But sadly that's all gone. Some of it's because we've got older and she gets all kind of aches laying down like that, but I think it's more about her not feeling the same way anymore. And now the intimacy has been gone for so long, we are increasingly drifting apart, which makes me wonder if we can ever get it back to what it was. We have almost become just housemates now. We even get dressed in separate rooms and almost feel awkward now if we accidently enter a room or bathroom while either one of us is naked or partially naked. We probably haven't even seen each other completely naked in a few years now either
We both picked up a few colds over the last winter, so stopped kissing each other good night. Just another thing that was morphing into a permanent thing. So, I made the effort to re-initiate us kissing each other goodnight and when we get up in the morning, in the hope that was something to cling onto. And we are still doing that.
It all came to heads last Christmas, when her true feelings were made fairly clear. My dad usually drives up for a visit and stays the night on Christmas eve as he lives a couple of hours drive away. The last couple of years it hasn't happened due to unrelated circumstances. But this year the planets all aligned and was all going to work out. The last time he stayed, although my girl and I were sleeping in separate beds at that stage, she seemed comfortable enough to spend the night back together in our double bed for just that night. Nothing happened beyond literally sleeping together, but we were comfortable enough together in the same bed. So this year I thought it would be a good opportunity to maybe break the ice and at least initiate spending at least maybe a Friday or Saturday night together in bed together. No underhanded plans of sex, just sharing a bed, being close together. But the mere mention of it, was met with an unexpected response. She reacted angrily and was disgusted with the thought that I would have even suggested "kicking her out of her room" for the night.... . WIth the mood she was in, I wasn't even going to try and negotiate, so I just left it alone. But wow it hurt hard that it would disgust her like that..... like a dagger in my side.....
So the situation was stressing me out, so I had no option but to make some lame excuse to my dad that unfortunately we had other plans that I'd forgotten about for that night, so he wouldn't be able to stay. When I politely mentioned to her that I told my dad he couldn't stay, she got angry again saying I should have spoken to her first, she could have stayed with her daughter for the night, now I've made her feel bad...... hmmm imagine that, I'd then be accused of kicking her out of her own house..... I was a shot duck either way
She's since explained to me that we've lost our connection and that she can't even consider anything physical until or even 'if', we get that connection back to where we were. She wants it back, but she hasn't explained how that's going to happen. But then went on to say later, that with all the depression stuff she's going through, if I were to cheat on her, it would break her..... So I'm confused, if there is no connection, why would she care if I did ? (not that I'm planning on cheating on her). We are both trying to get things back. but the catch 22 is that it's so hard to bond, when we can't even I can't get that reaction she had to the suggestion of us sharing a bed together out of my head. It's like she's treating me like I've done something really bad….. So I face the real prospect that if we stay together, I may never have sex again..... ever.
She’s at least now getting counselling as she had a melt down at her job at the end of last year. She said our relationship will also eventually be discussed as part of the counselling and that her counsellor would also like to talk with me. I have willingly agreed to that. But she’s a long way off that, they have a long way to go before going down that path.
So yeah, that leaves me not only feeling emotionally kind of lost, but I haven’t had sex or any sort of sexual relationship in over 3 years and there is nothing on the horizon. She is disgusted if she catches me looking at porn, she reacts completely over the top if I even instinctively briefly glance at an attractive girl when we are out. I mean I've still got needs, so have to resort to relieving myself over porn when she's not around.
Despite feeling a bit hard done by at the moment, I’m trying to do the right thing and stick by her. I'm not going to cheat on her, although she would consider me being here as cheating. But I'm running out of options. I always said I'd do the right thing and breakup before cheating on her. Unfortunately after 16 years together, financially I think it would be bad for both of us to split. I’ve fairly much paid off my house, have no debt and looking forward to debt free retirement in no more than 10 years time. I can't face the idea of doing it all over again.
So is anyone else going through something similar ? Advice, discussion ?
Ladies, from a female perspective, from what I've explained, is there something I'm missing here, have I done something wrong or am I reading it wrong ?
For those who made it to the end, thanks for taking the time to read my story.
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