0sodirty's Blog
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Monday, October 29, 2007, 7:48:34 AM- relationships vs self expression | ||
I have a fairly simply yet intriguingly complex conundrum brewing. The simple part is it's an idea. I am an artist and i get ideas all the time. Some just pop into my head, and some eat away at me until i can't take it anymore. This seems to cause a host of issues in my life. Before reading please accept one thing i believe. Everyone functions inside the confines of their own working and end production/creationist ideal situation. Some people need drama. some need drugs, some need a vacation in order to drop the heap which prevents them from "doing." If you are doing then your at that place. If your not, which most of us end up, then getting out of it is like finding real alien life has sprung up in your coffee maker. I need completely willing participants. Imagine Divinci's marble rebelling, or Van Gogh's brushes giving him lip. Never mind the models. The nitty: Right now i am in a fairly satisfying relationship. Pretty happy all i need, all i want, other then some details life is good... I recently had a very beautiful very seductive idea for a piece of art which i would like to produce. Its one single thought that warms every inch of my being when i think about it. It almost feels comparable to the feeling of new love. Butterflies and the whole nine. I pitched it to my significant other with a mixed reception. Since its something I realistically could not accomplish without her assistance/acceptance, yet I don't find her as an ultra willing participant. So i am a little stuck. First thought is compromise. In my realm of creationism, compromise doesn't fit to well. The idea is raw beautiful and unfucked with. Thats how it must stay in order for the monkey to leave my back. Second thought, press the participation until i get what i need. That doesn't work either because of the original nature of the idea. Unfortunately what i am thinking about requires full participation for the idea to come into my vision or its really worthless. Third thought, scrap the relationship for my own sanity. Seems insane, but I really expect to see dawn many times over and miss work from lack of sleep for the next few days. Its already been 2 sleepless nights and days of walking in dreams. Not really not easy to live like this past four days. Fourth thought, destroy as many braincells as possible until said idea has been washed to the wayside while hiding a copy in the back of a text book for the later years of my life. Fifth thought, secretly find a second willing participant who understands "the entire deal" in order to go ahead subvertly with the project. Now it turns out this idea is really eating at me much more then i thought. It becomes even more imperative i solve it before work, sleep, eating and a host of other very necessary daily routines get interrupted. Those who are closest to me have already had their say, yet i still find an unending uphill fight to the answer. If you can derive a single delirium fraught, over punctuated, under realized idea from my rant i invite any opinions. I really don't like much of what i had to say, but it needs to be said this seems the only place i could post something where she won't see it. | ||
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Monday, October 29, 2007, 7:48:29 AM- relationships vs self expression | ||
I have a fairly simply yet intriguingly complex conundrum brewing. The simple part is it's an idea. I am an artist and i get ideas all the time. Some just pop into my head, and some eat away at me until i can't take it anymore. This seems to cause a host of issues in my life. Before reading please accept one thing i believe. Everyone functions inside the confines of their own working and end production/creationist ideal situation. Some people need drama. some need drugs, some need a vacation in order to drop the heap which prevents them from "doing." If you are doing then your at that place. If your not, which most of us end up, then getting out of it is like finding real alien life has sprung up in your coffee maker. I need completely willing participants. Imagine Divinci's marble rebelling, or Van Gogh's brushes giving him lip. Never mind the models. The nitty: Right now i am in a fairly satisfying relationship. Pretty happy all i need, all i want, other then some details life is good... I recently had a very beautiful very seductive idea for a piece of art which i would like to produce. Its one single thought that warms every inch of my being when i think about it. It almost feels comparable to the feeling of new love. Butterflies and the whole nine. I pitched it to my significant other with a mixed reception. Since its something I realistically could not accomplish without her assistance/acceptance, yet I don't find her as an ultra willing participant. So i am a little stuck. First thought is compromise. In my realm of creationism, compromise doesn't fit to well. The idea is raw beautiful and unfucked with. Thats how it must stay in order for the monkey to leave my back. Second thought, press the participation until i get what i need. That doesn't work either because of the original nature of the idea. Unfortunately what i am thinking about requires full participation for the idea to come into my vision or its really worthless. Third thought, scrap the relationship for my own sanity. Seems insane, but I really expect to see dawn many times over and miss work from lack of sleep for the next few days. Its already been 2 sleepless nights and days of walking in dreams. Not really not easy to live like this past four days. Fourth thought, destroy as many braincells as possible until said idea has been washed to the wayside while hiding a copy in the back of a text book for the later years of my life. Fifth thought, secretly find a second willing participant who understands "the entire deal" in order to go ahead subvertly with the project. Now it turns out this idea is really eating at me much more then i thought. It becomes even more imperative i solve it before work, sleep, eating and a host of other very necessary daily routines get interrupted. Those who are closest to me have already had their say, yet i still find an unending uphill fight to the answer. If you can derive a single delirium fraught, over punctuated, under realized idea from my rant i invite any opinions. I really don't like much of what i had to say, but it needs to be said this seems the only place i could post something where she won't see it. | ||
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Monday, October 29, 2007, 7:44:01 AM- relationships vs self expression | ||
I have a fairly simply yet intriguingly complex conundrum brewing. The simple part is it's an idea. I am an artist and i get ideas all the time. Some just pop into my head, and some eat away at me until i can't take it anymore. This seems to cause a host of issues in my life. Before reading please accept one thing i believe. Everyone functions inside the confines of their own working and end production/creationist ideal situation. Some people need drama. some need drugs, some need a vacation in order to drop the heap which prevents them from "doing." If you are doing then your at that place. If your not, which most of us end up, then getting out of it is like finding real alien life has sprung up in your coffee maker. I need completely willing participants. Imagine Divinci's marble rebelling, or Van Gogh's brushes giving him lip. Never mind the models. The nitty: Right now i am in a fairly satisfying relationship. Pretty happy all i need, all i want, other then some details life is good... I recently had a very beautiful very seductive idea for a piece of art which i would like to produce. Its one single thought that warms every inch of my being when i think about it. It almost feels comparable to the feeling of new love. Butterflies and the whole nine. I pitched it to my significant other with a mixed reception. Since its something I realistically could not accomplish without her assistance/acceptance, yet I don't find her as an ultra willing participant. So i am a little stuck. First thought is compromise. In my realm of creationism, compromise doesn't fit to well. The idea is raw beautiful and unfucked with. Thats how it must stay in order for the monkey to leave my back. Second thought, press the participation until i get what i need. That doesn't work either because of the original nature of the idea. Unfortunately what i am thinking about requires full participation for the idea to come into my vision or its really worthless. Third thought, scrap the relationship for my own sanity. Seems insane, but I really expect to see dawn many times over and miss work from lack of sleep for the next few days. Its already been 2 sleepless nights and days of walking in dreams. Not really not easy to live like this past four days. Fourth thought, destroy as many braincells as possible until said idea has been washed to the wayside while hiding a copy in the back of a text book for the later years of my life. Fifth thought, secretly find a second willing participant who understands "the entire deal" in order to go ahead subvertly with the project. Now it turns out this idea is really eating at me much more then i thought. It becomes even more imperative i solve it before work, sleep, eating and a host of other very necessary daily routines get interrupted. Those who are closest to me have already had their say, yet i still find an unending uphill fight to the answer. If you can derive a single delirium fraught, over punctuated, under realized idea from my rant i invite any opinions. I really don't like much of what i had to say, but it needs to be said this seems the only place i could post something where she won't see it. | ||
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Sunday, October 21, 2007, 7:30:19 AM- something all posters should read | ||
They are trying to pass a law that does not discriminate between publishers of porn and adult social sites. Basically the law would require that any adult material be accompanied by legal documents proving the age an identity of any and all pictured. Basically meaning to be part of a community like we have here on NewbieNudes youd have to submit tons of personal information if you posted an explicit picture and newbienudes would be required to open that database to government institutions for access. While the idea is honorable "reducing xxxxxxxxxx" the wording is so vague it doesn't specify a difference between publishing for profit and personal private posts of an intimate nature. I believe this law is a tool for government access to every site regardless of content. My thought is even sites marked as non adult sites would need to comply. Even if they don't allow adult content, one person could simply post something which was seen as explicit and get them into hot water. self policing only gets you so far. Read the article which caught my attention on wired.com [url]http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/sexdrive/2007/10/sexdrive_1019[/url] Its growing ever more important that we begin fighting for our rights to privacy, not only on the internet but in everyday life. While data bases get thicker with our personal data no will ever tell you what dirt they have on you until its to late. | ||
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Thursday, September 20, 2007, 6:34:48 AM- The 10 | ||||||
By 10 I mean the perfect sexual object. One flaw and you are no longer a real 10. In my world, a real 10 is unobtainable. Only in fantasy does it really exist. Id would say, I will never meet a real 10 because something must be wrong if it’s a real thing. In my head and my art the idea of the perfect sexual fantasy are exposed. Once its out on paper I am never as attracted to the idea, as I was when it consumed me. Id say for the last month now, I have sat across from the closest thing I have seen as a ten. Unfortunately her personality destroyed it about 2 weeks into meeting her. This still hasn’t stopped me from dropping things to stare at her ass or peek under the desk when she’s wearing a skirt. Perhaps one day ill bring a camera to work and see what happens. Stupid winter is coming spoiling my fun. Id say only about 2 more weeks of skirt weather exist. The last person to sit there was an amazing flirt, when she left, a void appeared in my work sex life. It’s not easy to flirt with a room full of people listening to your conversation and having none be aware. She actually was very good at it. When we were out of earshot she’d say more provocative things and her eyes would have that little shine. Ahh, if only Dr. Frankenstein could mix the body and the mind of these two women. | ||||||
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Wednesday, September 12, 2007, 3:16:20 AM- The devirginizer | ||||||
The devirginizer A good first story for my first real post. Of course this ones entirely true and some parts I even witnessed although the names have been changes to protect those perverted enough to make it into my anecdotes. I warn you it’s pretty messed up story. Almost as bad as molester jokes. Id say I was about 14 when my life flipped upside down. I went from a real outcast in middle school to somewhat of a popular person in High School. I met an hung out with so many people. 14 years later their names are just beginning to fail my memory. 2 weeks after walking into the front door I was officially a slacker and a party kid. They made it way to easy to basically do anything I wanted during school hours. In one door find a crew and out the other, heading to someone’s house. Spend the day drinking, smoking and fooling around with whoever was interested and back to school for a lunch period or an art period. I could have spent every lunch period with whoever was around because I had manufactured every program card I would ever need. I could bring people to class who didn’t even go to the school and no one was the wiser. If you had me, you had ID. I wasn’t a bad ass but rather someone who figured things out much to quickly. If there was a system I figured out the best possibly monkey wrench and the least amount of personal exposure. I even had a master key to the school by junior year. It wasn’t much good without alarm codes unless you only used it during school hours like I did. Through circles I meet this guy named “sim.” He knew some of my friends so he was accepted rather easily. I wasn’t his biggest fan, mostly because he would constantly heckle people on the street for no reason and pull his cock out regularly either to case someone around or try to shove it in your face. Much of this was done wearing a rather shoddy punk outfit or a brightly colored dress over jeans. Sim was from another school so we’d see him roughly once a month or at random intervals of drunken debauchery. Sim had a party in his mid sized apartment he shared with his mom and sister. They were present and pretty much plastered to the couch while the place went crazy. We must have been around 19 at the time when I heard something at the party. Apparently Sim had a taste for virgins. Someone just randomly spouted off poking a pile of cloth folded on top of the dresser. Sim walks into the room and is immediately prodded to explain while the guys sit snickering. Sim bluntly says he likes to devirginize girls of age, or not. On top of that, he saves the sheets with the blood smears and keeps them as part of a collection. Marking each girls name in marker on the sheet. As sociopathic and cold as it sounded, it was also seriously hot at the same time. The pile must have been about 10 thick by my judgement. Later on that night he apparently added one more to his collection. We were smoking outside on the driveway when we heard yelling. A fairly innocent looking brunette comes bursting out of the side door crying. Sim pops his head out the window and begins to berate the crying girl who goes from upset to seriously infuriated in less then a second. She spits at him and throws, I believe it was a broom handle up at the window just missing his head. He quickly disappeared from sight. From the exchange between the two we gathered they had done the deed and instead of cuddle time he said get the fuck out and booted her naked ass from his room while people still loosely hung throughout the house. Now for someone with experience that type of thing can be jarringly rough, but imagine getting suckered into bed as a virgin and having that done. Sim simply had no remorse for anything. Out pops sim’s head from the window screaming nice shot bitch. I have had you, and there ain’t nothing you can do about it. Sim quickly unfurls the bed sheet he is holding and say, see I got you right here, and here and ohhh…here! There must have been about 7 of us in the driveway and no one said a word. If she had any weapon at all, he had little chance of surviving even with a house full of people. She would have killed anyone in her way. With nothing left to do except scream the girl ran off into the dark. Sim actually came down the stairs wearing the sheet like a cape ready to chase her. We of course grabbed him and wouldn’t let him. That was the last I saw of Sim. I heard sometime ago he was wanted in NY for one reason or another and had ran to FL. This entire thing made a serious impression on me in many ways. I need not explain them because it’s for me to feel. I later dated a girl who sim had brutalized, although not nearly as bad as the story I related but they were not left unharmed. Thanks for reading. ~Dirty | ||||||
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Sunday, September 9, 2007, 8:27:16 AM- First post (hopefully of many more to come) | ||||||
Welcome to a ghost post. What have you stumbled upon? This you might be wondering if you've managed to read this far. Honestly with all of the goings on in the world (dwindling privacy, increased security and so called "new morality" being xxxxxx upon people. I have taken a stance against all of it. I am part of a new undercurrent of people beginning to live anonymous lives. To post true thoughts and ideas which are part of regular thought but so far away from what is viewed as our normal behavior it would be absurd to attach it to oneself. It's of course the truth behind the mask, but don't tell anyone that or they'll simply balk at how perverted we really are. I am just a normal person living a run of the mill life with perpetual thoughts of sex and fornication that would make Caligula blush. In this forum I get to share all the dirty sultry details of past and present. Little of what I write will be fiction, simply for the fact real life is just so much more sordid and dirty. Tell a person a good hot story and it'll twist them up, so much more then run of the mill porn. I am by no means a writer by trade, so I ask you to forgive any misspellings or run ons. I hope thats enough for an opening, and with that I shall get some rest. ~Dirty | ||||||
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