Alpina's blog post - On the Bridge

I can think best when I walk, that's why I put on my winter boots towards noon and went uphill. I had to follow the main road because of the more than knee-deep snow, but there was not much traffic. I went as far as he high bridge from which two years ago a desperate mother had dropped her two children, aged two and four. They fell 200 meters before they were smashed to smithereens on some pointed rocks and washed away. There is a wire-mesh net now, but I doubt if it could stop anyone determined. I looked down long.

Why should I allow anyone else to decide about my life? Why should I be happy or sad according to someone else's plans? Who was I just half a year ago? A strong woman who was standing on her own two feet, who did exactly what she wanted and made up her own mind about what she wanted to enjoy and what she didn't care about. Then LOVE struck. But I adapted much too readily - it was too good to have someone. But though I am ready to share - I am not willing to suffer. "Who loves most is in an inferior position and must suffer", the old saying goes. But this can no longer be me.

So when Phillip leaves for a year in July, I will suggest to officially end our relationship. He can do what he wants, and I will do what I feel like - and in a year, I am ready to meet and find out if there is anything between us that draws us to each other. I will promise Phillip not to be prejudiced and be as open on that day as if we had met for the first time ever.

When I left the abyss behind me, it was still snowing heavily, but my heart was lighter.