I am getting things ready for my holidays, but there is not much to do. Yesterday I had to laugh to myself when I replenished my stock of condoms: I decided on buying plenty, among they some with strawberry flavour again for oral sex. My passport, my credit card, a suitcase full of summer clothes and some cosmetics is what I need - whatever I forget can be bought in France. I feel a certain emptiness three days before leaving: all is ready and I just wait for us to start.

Tonight I'll be with Ruth and her husband, and tomorrow Elsie and Joerg come over for a last swim, before they go on holiday, too. On Monday Herr and Frau Schneider come over for lunch - they will look after the house again in my absence.

I usually do not mention messages or mails I get, but let me do it for a change: I get an update almost daily on Phillip's activities in London. Leon would love to see me during the school holidays, and I will have to decide if I want to do this after the panty - disaster last time (see April 30). But there is one invitation I didn't hesitate one moment to accept - Maria has invited me to fly with her (see May 2 - and I will see her as soon as I am back from France.

Joerg just did a simple thing: he explained that we were among ourselves and nobody could look into the garden, and so there were no clothes needed, then he undressed, showered and jumped into the pool. Elsie and I did the same, after we had exchanged a confirming look. Grisi undressed much more slowly: she had put on her red, way too tight bikini again - whatever it was supposed to contain, threatened to peek out on all sides. There she was standing now, hesitating what she should do - looking with a certain interest at our privates which were in full view when they were not submerged in the pool.

You could see that Grisi was fighting with herself. Meanwhile we were horsing around and enjoyed the refreshing water. Finally you could see that someone had won the fight - Grisi took off her bikini and joined us. She made sure she avoided any physical contact, but she already looked a little more relaxed.

After getting out of the pool all three of us made a point of rubbing Grisi dry, before we did the same to each other. Here I must admit - just between me and you - that I was a little reluctant to touch her, and I am still ashamed about it now. The reason is Grisi herself: though you cannot call her outright obese, she is certainly very, very chubby. This means that her body is not firm, but quite flabby. Her skin is white, and there is one roll of soft material - some might call it fat - followed by another. The truth is: never in my life have I touched anyone so overweight, neither men nor women.

This does not mean that I only have sex with young and beautiful people on principle. Some men were rather old and their skin sagging, or some were athletic and broad, others who didn't do any sports had begun to expand their tummies a little. Many were not particularly good-looking. But no-one - and I noticed this with surprise - had ever been as visibly overweight as Grisi. And I didn't really feel like touching her. And as I am very much against any form of discrimination, I immediately developed a strong feeling of guilt.

Fortunately Joerg does not seem to have such an interior barrier; he seemed very pleased to rub Grisi down and to sit next to her while drinking champagne in the nude, and to make her laugh loud and happily when he remarked on her ample body.

Last night there was a terrible thunderstorm and torrents of rain, and still this morning there were black clouds and some drizzle. But towards the evening the sun came back, and now it's quite pleasant and sunny again. In half an hour or so Elsie and Joerg will come, and they're taking along their friend Grisi. Some of you might remember (see June 16) that she was here once before and that it was an exciting evening for her because she was swimming naked in my pool after midnight and this was a totally new feeling for her.

Grisi's real name is Griseldis, and she is almost as pompous as her name indicates. She is a colleague of Elsie's and they have been working together quite intensively lately, so that they often meet in their leasure time, too, as she is about her age, but not married. Elsie thinks that it is very good for Grisi to be in company, and she has taken over the job of loosening her up a little.

The funny thing last time was that it really excited her to skinny dip, obviously for the first time in her life. Joerg thinks that she would maybe like to learn something from us and that we might be able to teach her to be a little more physical. I wonder if he will succeed in making her take off her much too tight red bikini again tonight and how far he is trying to go. I have some food and a lot of red wine ready, and first we're going to have some champagne again, to celebrate the beginning of the long summer holidays.

"Are you going to tell Tanja of the discovery of your deeper feelings towards those of your own sex? This may delight her and spark something between you", is what my friend Duncan asks me in one of his messages, and OldGeezer hints at the same when he promises that he "will fantasise about what [I] and Tanja might be getting up to..... either together or separately." Regular readers know that my friend Tanja does not only have an unstillable appetite for men, but has also had some relationships with women (see Jan. 11). So I have asked myself this question, too.

On the other hand, pondering this might altogether be the wrong approach. Because I had not planned or in advance thought about my wonderful encounter with Maria or Traudl's orgasms and her heavenly nectar, either. It is true that I have discovered lately that my abilities to feel lust have fewer limits than I had previously thought. Still I refuse to be categorized because of this: I don't think it makes me a lesbian, for instance. Am I bisexual? It pleases me more to think that I am just plain "sexual", even "very sexual", if you insist.

So I am neither planning to seduce Tanja, nor to be seduced by her. But who knows what will happen when one sunny day or boozy evening the moment is structured that way? I have learnt long ago that one should never say never too soon, so my definite answer to Duncan's initial question is: Maybe.

In the last few days I got some messages and comments of people who have only now discovered my blog, and they usually said they like it. It makes me so proud when people read me, and it inspires me to go on. Sometimes I really wonder who you are, who drop in here and read for some time - if everyone just wrote "me" as a comment, I would know and my curiosity would be satisfied.

I had a few meetings with colleagues at school today and it was nice because everyone had time and no-one had to rush. In the morning we were having a look at the English shelf in the library to find out how many books were stolen in the last school year. And I can proudly say that it's still English books which are stolen most. Why proud? Because it's only books our students like which are stolen from the library, and we defintely head that list. In the afternoon we were planning some aspects of our theatre project, and one thing has already become clear: it's going to be just great.

Once this morning I met Ambitious Annette; she was taking stuff out of her locker. I told her I was sorry that she stopped coming to our school after three years and went off without a degree. Maybe I should not have said this, because I saw that her eyes filled with tears. Quickly she turned and said good-bye. All I could do was tell her that if she ever felt like it, she could always contact me and I would answer her or help her. But I fear I will never hear of her again and not find out, either, what makes her break off her education so suddenly. I wouldn't be surprised if the reason was far from pleasant.

It's the last day of school, and then the holidays can take possession of me. And there is GREAT news! Or maybe STRANGE news? Because I have decided last night to go to the South of France together with Tanja.

During dinner we found out that we both have some free time. And comparing our plans we saw that our desires are quite similar: sun and fun and adventure, and some food and culture in between. And I suddenly felt I didn't want to travel alone. And there is another big advantage: we will drive down in her car. I was ready to use public transport, but this seems very attractive to me. We don't know yet how long we will stay. Maybe she's going to leave for home before me, but we don't have to decide now.

So she will come on Tuesday morning to fetch me here, and then beware - South of France - you'll have to deal with two pretty hot gals who are open for anything.

I am glad all three of yesterday's commenters think that my arrangement with Phillip is not too weird, even if we don't promise each other to be physically faithful and that we "wait" for each other. Though what this is going to mean for me practically, I don't know yet. Going back to my life I led until last year? Enjoy what I feel like enjoying?

There are women - I have been told many times - who can easily go without any sexual excitement for weeks if not for months. Maria is one of them, and many more of who I have heard this over the years. Unfortunately I am not, and never was since I was 16. I cannot go long without orgasm. I have found out that there are men who cannot live without having one every day. I am not that needy, but after three or four days, certainly after a week my body starts being awkward - ready for sexual excitement at the slightest provocation: a sentence I read, a word someone says to me, some music I hear, or something I see. Very often it's a dream - of the night or the day variety.

And I feel that I have reached this stage again. And I know that when I go outside now and let the sun caress my skin, it will be inevitable. And there is nothing that will be able to keep me from it.

PS: I met Tanja the other day and promised to see her before the holidays begin. I'll visit her at her place this evening. I wonder what she has to tell me, it's been some time since I met her last, and it was a little awkward before that because she had told me her life story (see March 17 and following). But she is certainly a woman who can enjoy herself.

LOL, Flcamfan, I certainly will enjoy the pleasure of being shaved, but just not now. I am sure you are a great shaver and your wife will be greatful for your intimate services.

What have Phillip and I decided on before he left? That we belong together, that we need each other and make each other happy. That it would be good to go on from here in a year when both feel that way. That we will stay in contact by phone and mail, and that I might visit him now and then, maybe over a long weekend or in my autumn holidays. That he will spend Christmas here with me. That our bodies belong to ourselves and we live our sexuality freely, and that we never tell each other of our conquests and adventures. And that we will try to pick up from here next summer if both of us have a desire to do so. And that we will decide then about how we go on.

So I am a woman with a relationship, but physically single. Does this make sense?

Thanks, OldGeezer, I suddenly felt so alone without any comments, but you didn't let me down. I am so glad.

I have just come home from Elsie and Joerg's. We had a lovely barbecue and were sitting outside while the night came, and we talked about this and that. I have to come to terms with Phillip leaving, so we talked about this, too. I disappointed Joerg a little first, because he had everything ready to shave me, as I had said I would after Phillip leaving, but I have changed my mind: walking nude on the beaches of the South of France, I don't want to be shaved and thus emphasize my sexuality - I want to look natural and feminine. But I promised I'd do it when I come back, or that he could do it to me if he wished. It seems he wants very much.

I didn't feel much like Jacuzzi, and I didn't feel much like being touched, either, so after coffee I headed home. That's where I am now. I will have a swim now in my lighted pool to cool down a little, and then I think I will go to sleep.

There's a wonderfully blue sky, and a soft easterly wind which dries the air. The mountain tops are still white, but not as much as they used to. But they appear very close, and the greens have never been more intensive. My garden is in full bloom; there are many different roses - red and white and pink, and the surface of the pool glitters in the sunlight. It's very quiet on this Sunday morning, but I can hear the church bells from our and - like an echo - from a neighbouring village.

And Phillip has left.