For those who have not been regular readers all year (unlike my friend Casey who easily guessed what was going on yesterday), I am quoting from my blog of January 17: "Once, in Rome, we were in bed and talking about sexual fantasies - our deep down dark secrets, so to speak. And Phillip said that lately his fantasy was to be with two women at once - he and I would seduce a young (about 20-year-old), elf-like, innocent country girl and introduce her to adult sexuality." For me it was obvious at once that the moment had finally come.

Up to this moment I had secretly hoped that it might be rather impossible to find someone with the required qualities, particularly if I stayed passive and didn't help finding. But now she was standing right there. Phillip had started talking about his fantasy again lately, usually when I was helplessly shaken by orgasm and unable to think clearly. Unfortunately I promised him in a frenzy of lust a few days ago, that I would go along and do for him whatever he wished me to do.

Obviously, when he had persuaded me to comply, he had already had this girl from his office in mind. And as Phillip is not a person who leaves things he wants to chance, I am almost sure that he has been preparing her in a similar way to me - maybe persuading her in bed to enjoy something which is even wilder than sex with a middle-aged man - having sex with a couple, and acting as if she was being seduced. Had Phillip organized the whole party just for me to see her and for her to see me? These were still pretty wild assumptions, but I usually have a good nose for such things.

So I was almost sure that sooner or later I would be expected to fuck Traudl Gstöttenmayr.

Turning on my computer this morning I have found some messages and comments from people who really mean something to me, and I am glad you think I did well with Joerg and Elsie - it's good to get some confirmation from people who feel with me. I often doubt my reactions, which I usually take instinctively and which make me wonder afterwards if there had not been better ways. Thank you so much. Maybe you stay a little longer and keep holding my hand, for what I have to tell you now.

Phillip's Cheese and Wine event started quite nicely; his colleagues were cheerful and some said how pleased they were that I was present, too. I refilled their glasses and joked with them, and I enjoyed myself a lot. The colleague who had been on the yacht with us one Sunday was there, too, and he is really a very funny guy - when his proper and efficient wife is not there - which she wasn't because there were no partners invited. I knew most of the people; some I had not met before were new in the firm, intelligent and cheerful young people I got on very well with.

The youngest person present was a female intern, whose arch - Austrian name (I can't mention it here, of course, but it was something like Traudl Gstöttenmayr) contrasted awkwardly with her looks - young, fragile, with long, blonde hair, a very fair complexion and big questioning eyes she looked like an elf directly out of the enchanted forests of "The Lord of the Rings". She was quite familiar with all the people, although she did not say much and hardly ever smiled.

Coming back from the kitchen where I had gone to load some more cheese onto a plate and fetch another bottle of white wine from the fridge, I saw Phillip standing quite close to her, talking intently and gesturing towards the kitchen, from which I emerged unexpectedly at the same instant.

And it was like some blindfold dropping from my eyes - and I knew.

As soon as we were sitting in the Jacuzzi last night, I saw that Elsie wanted to make it a Joerg-Night: she is so enchanted by his noticeably energized behaviour and his seemingly renewed sexual interest in her that she is very much in love. So we soon were on both sides of him and snuggled against his body, the way he likes it best. But the rain was just awful, it was pouring down without interruption, and so we were almost drowned by the cold rain water which was running down our heads.

Later, inside, when we had toweled each other down and were lazily lying on their bed, it soon showed that those of you who have observed that Joerg is obviously in the midst of a pretty bad midlife crisis are absolutely right: the crisis seems to have hit him smack between the eyes and badly distorted his sense of self-perception - maybe because of his good luck he thinks to be having with Tanja. My God, friends can be difficult at times !

Because he said that he and Elsie had talked and now agreed with each other that they would not mind having closer physical contact with me. So he'd love me, for example, to suck him while Elsie was watching, or he and she could suck me together, too. I looked at Elsie doubtfully - but she was nodding vigorously - yet her eyes were not in it at all, I could see that easily.

Now the thing is that at a time, I had thought about this myself, particularly before Phillip, and I would not have minded such closer contact then - because I liked them a lot. But now, feeling strong, masculine and successful, Joerg had obviously persuaded Elsie to agree, and maybe even wanted to teach her a lesson.

My response must have sounded harsher than I had wished it to be, because I think both Joerg and Elsie seemed hurt when I explained that I had liked the way our relationship had been, but if it was not pleasant for them anymore I could not help it. We emptied our glasses, and I was suddenly aware of how ridiculous we must have been looking: three naked strangers who did not know what to say. So I dressed and left - I am sorry about my reaction, of course, in the light of this sunny morning, but it seems there is some talking to be done pretty urgently.

But not today, because I am soon expected at Phillip's for his Cheese and Wine with colleagues. I'll try to be as helpful as he during my birthday party.

On Tuesday, in the blog about my birthday, I mentioned a special guest, who I had not seen for a long time and who I had been quite close to once: Maria. She studied with me, time and ago, in Zürich, we two Austrian alpine flowers, and she did the same subjects, English and German. Her aim was to become a teacher, too, but then, while I was in England, she gave it all up and changed her career. She took some management courses, started to work for an Austrian company not too far from here and was soon promoted to become part of the management.

I had just invited her out of a fancy, for some reason I had her mail address, so I sent her my invitation. To my very big surprise I got her answer only days later, she wrote that she would love to pop in, for old times' sake.

During our studies, she had not been unlike me, and so I was surprised when I saw her again - how much she had changed. She is such a personality now, someone who is noticed in any room, I think, because of her exceptional charisma. Expensively, but casually dressed, on heels, with short, reddish-black hair, sunntanned and carefully made-up, she looked like out of a lifestyle magazine. I am sure the little jewellery she was wearing was more costly than what I own. She had come in her Triumph sportscar, I saw her get out and take her sunglasses off. Her specially faded jeans must have cost a fortune, and maybe her soft dark-brown leather-jacket, too - if the Second World War bomber pilot who had worn it over Dresden had not lent it to her.

She came in, and embraced me, and shook everybody's hands - she did not hesitate for a moment at anything. All eyes were on her - and she started to talk, and to joke about old times, and telling of her life in the top management of her firm. She lives alone in a new modern house with a wonderful view, works all day, travels the world and has almost no private life. Strangely enough you never got the impression that she was showing off - you noticed this was genuinely her. And everybody acknowledged this and behaved accordingly.

Unfortunately I did not have so much time for her, because of all the other guests. But she promised to come and see me next week, as there is Ascension on Thursday and the beginning of a long weekend. Phillip will be in Vienna anyway then, so we will have some time together to speak about old and new times, and I wonder what her life is really like. I must say I admire her, she looks so good, and in a way so tough, I am sure I could never succeed in such a competitive world like she does.

"Dear Joerg,
Whilst I appreciate your openness and frankness, it leaves me in a difficult position as I have an equally honest and loving relationship with your wife Elsie. As with anyone who has an extra marital affair you need to assess the long term benefits with Elsie as against the short term pleasure with Tanja, after all, in times of sickness, financial worries, the emotional or physical comfort is not there with Tanja, similarly, Tanja is only seeing the side of you that satisfies your mutual needs, not the grumpy person who gets out of bed in the morning, and I am sure you realise as soon as she finds someone younger and more handsome you will be left. Whilst I appreciate you having trusted me and confided in me by explaining your improvement in your sex life, I believe reality and wisdom need to win through. Many, many men have had extra marital affairs and gained from it, but they only gain by realising the difference between lust versus long term comfort and security.
For all our sakes, please consider this before going further,
Yours sincerely,
Alpina"

This is a letter to Joerg - not sent yet - and I hope you agree with me that it is a very well balanced, fair and considerate letter. Now the fantastic thing is that it has not been written by me, but by one of my attentive readers, Denis from Australia, who sent it to me by private message. And I must admit I am flattered and touched by how close you follow my life, Denis, how well you can put yourself into my shoes, think my thoughts and feel my feelings. Just to think of the valuable time you sacrificed to me and to my plight. Feel kissed by me many times for being such a good friend.

Feel kissed, all my friends, provided you care for such a simple treat - you may choose the number of times and the place at free will ...

PS: Jacuzzi night, today !! Oh oh !!

"Don't feel guilty for somebody else... they are over 18 and THEY made a choice... not you", is what Gio suggested in his comment to this morning's blog, and I guess he is right. Joerg brought me in an unpleasant situation by loading this onto my shoulders, but after all it is not my problem, and I must learn to keep to my own ones. But I am not ready to give up my friendship so easily.

After all, who has friends who are perfect: Elsie who is sexually so open but it seems technically fairly limited to how she likes having sex, Joerg and his weak ego which he needs to have confirmed by other women, Tanja with her lack of control, who can't leave her fingers off my friends, Ruth with her oedipal lover, Leon who cannot leave me and cannot love me, Aldo who does not love but only count women, and Phillip - I don't know ...

None of them is perfect, and yet I like them even if it is sometimes difficult not to get hurt. But this is maybe what friendship is about: being so close that you risk getting hurt.

There was a letter in my mail this morning without stamp and my address handwritten, so someone must have walked up to the box and put it in himself. Here is what I read (translated into English from the original German and considerably shortened). It was from Joerg:

"Dear Alpina,
Yesterday at you party, you said you were happy because we were all so well and cheerful, and particularly that Elsie and I were in such high spirits and had a wonderful time together, like young and energetic lovers. In fact you are right, dear Alpina, we are energized, most of all I am, and it has happened with your help. I can tell you because I trust you and I think that you can keep it to yourself - and I just have to tell someone.

For a long time now, since I met her first, I regularly meet your friend Tanja and then we fuck and have a whale of a time. She has done things with me Elsie would not even dare dream of, and what makes me happiest is when she swallows my cum or begs me to take her anally. This all makes me happy and cheerful, it makes me feel like a real man and gives me the positive energy you were speaking of. I just wanted you to know, and I would love to thank you that you ever helped me meet Tanja.
Love, Joerg"

For once in a long time I have no words. How am I to deal with that?

Never did I wake up as wonderfully on a birthday morning as yesterday. Phillip had already carefully entered my pussy from behind when I woke. There was a sudden surge of feeling; I didn't move, or talk, but I just enjoyed, and the tide rose ever so fast - and only when my orgasm shook me, Phillip turned me round, and kissed me, and wished me a happy birthday, and we kissed breathlessly again - long. And afterwards he even walked to the baker's and bought us some fresh croissants for breakfast.

As a present he gave me a red mobile phone, with a contract for 18 months and his London number and his mobile programmed, so that I could telephone him anytime when I felt like it during his year's absence, which will begin in July. He said the red telephone had been a very important means of communication during the Cold War, if there had been an emergency. How should I understand that?

At school there was not much fuss about me. Some colleagues gave me their best wishes, the headmaster pecked my cheek, and a class came to the door of my school room, knocked and when I opened sang "Happy Birthday to You".

In the evening there was a little party at my house. I had invited some friends, and people who live in our street; the Schneiders, Joerg and Elsie, some colleagues, Ruth came for a time (Tanja could not come), and even Maria, who I had not seen for some time. There were drinks and snacks, and a lot of stories, and laughter, and a general good mood: Phillip was a very attentive waiter, and it was a very successful evening.

As for NN --- thanks Gio, and Duncan, for your good wishes. It is so nice to be noticed.

When Phillip came back from the office this morning, he said: "Go get your bikini, we're going to the old man's yacht again, he is taking us in his car." Well, it was going to be a sunny afternoon and we had no other plans, so why not sit in a chauffeur driven Mercedes and be comfortably taken to the Bodensee?

Soon after some snacks, the guys were talking shop again and I guessed they were planning a great future for the the Press House, while I was retiring to the foredeck with a drink and changed into my bikini. And then I was roasting in the sun a little, although not too much because my skin tends to get really pink and then red instead of accquiring a beautiful brownish hue.

I had taken off my top and was looking over the water to the wonderful fruit trees in full bloom on the German side when the Editor and Phillip behind him suddenly came out of the cabin and straight towards me. In a fraction of a second I decided not to do anything about my textile situation, and Phillip's proud smile he was looking at me with confirmed me in my decision.

The Editor sat down next to me and looked very friendly, and only then I noticed that he had a little box in his fingers. And when he opened it I saw that there was a chain inside, lovely and made of gold, which he took out and put around my neck. And he said he had heard from Phillip that it was my birthday tomorrow, and he wished me all the best and hoped that I loved being part of the House, too.

And then he put the chain round my neck. Phillip almost burst with pride and I didn't know if my nipples considerably hardened because of the coldness of the precious metal or because the Editor had brushed my breast with his sleeve. It seemed to me he noticed it with pleasure and kissed me on both cheeks - and then on my lips. For a microsecond the tips of our tongues met, I was so confused, and I thanked him so much, and smiled - I was absolutely taken aback. Why did he do this, or was he having gold chains in his yacht cabin for all the girls he brought here?

It was a very nice gesture, and we were having some more drinks, and Phillip told me when I wanted to put on my top to just stay the way I was and go on enjoying the sun. After four we were back home, and old Mrs Schneider almost fell out of her window while looking whose black limousine was stopping in front of my garden gate and taking me home like a princess.

If God has made guys so clever at doing and organizing our world, travelling to the moon or inventing the internet, why has He made them so clumsy when going shopping? I couldn't help smiling about Phillip trying hard to be of use - but besides pushing the trolley and carrying the bags, he was pretty useless. And how he was exhausted afterwards. Well, it's the good intention which counts, isn't it?

Before, I was sitting outside pondering some time over Annette's message, which I found in her exercise book yesterday. She writes that she has almost run out of topics and that there is not much to write about which I would love to read. I suggested writing stories - maybe it's easier for her to describe her own reality when she can give it another form. She appears so shut - she does everything not to be noticed - she can hardly ever be seen with other students. There is always a wall between her and the outside world; behind it she seems to feel safe or can hide. Maybe I should try harder to knock it down and find out what's behind.

Well, I have cooled down a little now and had my drink, I'm going outside again marking some more essays. This is definitely the unpleasant side of a teacher's life. In the evening we're at a colleague's of Phillip. There will be a barbeque in the garden. We have only been invited this morning, but as we have no plans, we have accepted. I hope you'll get some tasty meat between your teeth, too, may it be food or whatever else you'd like to chew tonight ....