Life is tough... even tougher if you're stupid..
(John Wayne)

'til vacation
Leavim Thursday for Davenport then off to Texas on Monday.
Beware here I come!

The house is quiet with no one else awake yet.
I wish I had someone to snuggle but since that won't happen..
(sigh.....)
I am going to go make on heck of a breakfast of ham, eggs and biscuits. Come on over!!!!

(This was actually reported by a teacher.)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.
When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

..... PRICELESS

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Sex on TV isn't great, unless you fall off.

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat'.

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks'. He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room was full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice, said, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more'. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is! Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is what you call GETTING EVEN.

Vacation!!!!!!
Trip to Davenport for motorcycle rally then heading to Dallas for the rest of week.

I am ready to go NOW!!!

I recently saw this saying on tshirt worn by a larger man at my local Walmart.

"I have a Culinary Boner"

(I was surprised Culinary was spelled correctly)

She said - I want to squeeze your stuffin...
He said - If I can lick the sweet spot