Dreamingof_U's blog post - Today's my second...

radiation treatment.

Because of how poorly I'm doing, and the issues with my stage III cancer, they've got to monitor every treatment. My kidneys and liver are in failure status. Kinda scary if I think too much about it... I don't want to think too hard.

I've had to file for Social Security Disability benefits per rules of my Long Term disability plan coverage. I get it... and I'm glad to apply, even though I doubt I'll qualify.


Yesterday was my first treatment of radiation. I did okay.


My boyfriend's on edge. He worries about me. He knows how hard it was for me to lose my mother and my fiance a few years back... add that my dad's cancer is the same one as the fiance. He lost his dad, too... to bladder cancer. Anyway, cancer has become almost a normal diagnosis lately.. so many people I know fighting it.

I've gotten to spend time with him more the last few days than I had for over a month. Not spending time with someone who's so important in my life... for over 5 weeks, wasn't easy.

I admit I tend to get insecure. I've been with players, fakers, liars and losers... This one struggles financially. But he's dear, kind, caring and most important.. he's genuine, sincere and he's made it clear that I matter, not just to him, but his family, too. So... I stay with him.

It's not easy living in this horrible rickety and tiny apartment. I have wanted to move for so long now.. and having to sign another full year lease contract hurt. But what can you do, when you need to save money when they hike the rate up in a big jump.

Gotta do what I've got to do, in order to stay in a home. That's what I do.

I'm letting my hair grow out. It's soft, fine and mostly clear or pale blonde. My eye lashes are now stubby little clear things and my eye brows barely show, but they do partially, so at least I can add liner to it, to fill in the patches.

Cancer being the main focus of your life isn't easy, or pleasant... but this is life, for now.

My mind wanders, I find that I've stashed things in weird places and forget most of the things that are important to get done, or to simply KNOW. I don't feel like myself at all right now.

Such is life... I have fought my way through so much in life already... I'm not going to stop just because of this.

Next entry... it'll be about one of the things that's important in my life... SEX. Gotta have it. It's a must, for my brain and body.

I've LOVED being able to catch up with a few dears here, that I've missed the last few years.