Dreamingof_U's blog post - just a little bit... turned into something lengthy...

I have been dealing with quite a bit, due to challenges resulting in the loss of my Long Term Disability insurance payments, and my car breaking down, due to a boyfriend who refused to help before things got this bad, back in July.

Been struggling a lot, emotionally...

Then again... I'm grateful that the ex husband has become a kinder, more caring and compassionate version of himself. He's been of emotional support to our adult daughter. And willing to loan a car to us for a while, as well as helped with funds to pay the rent last month, and has offered to loan our kid the funds for the cost of parts provided that we get them within reasonable costs.

The man I've been dating for just shy of 4 years, heard about the loan of a car and must have finally registered that he NEEDED to assist with this. Expected ME to use my charge card to cover the costs of supplies.... We've been living off that card since my income ended in JULY. There's less than $80.00 USD available NOW.

So, I'm glad that he was willing to take that burden as well.... then I made the mistake of telling him of the offered LOAN, to my daughter, from her dad.

I'm working on an art project at the moment. Almost finished with the initial illustration. I'm submitting it, to a published children's book author, hoping to get the commission to do up to 30 illustrations for his upcoming book. Whether he chooses me, or not... the original will be his as a gift. This effort made me struggle more than most have in my past... I've forgotten technique ans process before. Decades of a lack of nutrients and oxygen to every cell in your body does that.

Anyway....

September is a decent month, though it's the anniversary of me and my sisters discovering neglect and abuse and horrible health issues for our mother. October is the anniversary of her passing and of Ale'x passing over to the other side of life, in my arms.

I've been visiting with a friend I met through a game I play on my phone... A man who could easily be someone here, with how lusty his soul is. He hated learning about my guy refusing to help me with my car this summer and how long it'd been since I'd seen him.... it was 3 months of him raging about everyone who was tearing him down and the hurt he's holding onto from past and present. All I can say is that triggers my own PTSD, too.

One of the things that isn't negative, is that my gaming friend and I talk about our libidos. He shares his experiences, and about himself and his life... Same here.... Reminded me of how much more I NEED touch, stimulation, sensuality and desire... and honesty, and decency.

My guy and my ex are helping with my car... One, helping with the funding to a degree.. the other with the labor... he's a Master Mechanic/A Class Tech.

My daughter got a job recently, which will eventually reduce my anxiety and panic attacks, once we get into a routine. She's been struggling all her life, with her health and her self worth... I'm hoping and praying for her, that she'll find her worth in herself, soon. She was by my side during doctor's appointments, struggles with my health and eventually the chemo and radiation after two damaging surgeries.

I'm grateful to be alive. I've got a few things to look forward to.... and hmmmm

I dunno if anyone really will read this... but I will admit, I'm coming back here, more often.

I have met so many lovely and wonderful people here... so why not?

Hugs and snuggles,
Dreamingof_U