Dreamingof_U's blog post - Is there anybody out there?

check, check, one... two threeeeee

I wish a good summer to those who are in the northern hemisphere... and a lovely winter for those in the southern hemisphere.

We had our 1st day over 100 degrees f in May. It is definitely showing signs of getting up there ,soon, at this rate.

I'm going to have my Social Security Disability hearing in September... pushed out, from the original date, due to my hope to have it in person, back in May. I swaer, my chances of being approved back then were likely better then, than now. I'm being blocked by insurance, and the facilities that I need to have test me.

My mind turns into moosh by 4:30pm... so I avoid going anywhere after that, without at least a copilot ( my daughter) or someone else driving.

I'm okay. I'd like to be competent enough to remember what people say to me... and my daughter is sure she's speaking loudly enough, but I can't hear here... with the ancient evaporative cooler blowing/roaring behind me... and freezing me to bits. it's like a huige waterfall, or wind tunnel as far as I'm concerned.


I'm doing what I can, to stay as positive as possible. My daughter has been supporting both of us financially since October last year. I have been reinstated with my Long Term Disability insrance payments, so I can actually pay my share and then some, again...

I got approved for Disability Medicaid by the state of Utah.

They had hoped to be able to help me with filing for SSI as well as SSDI, but being given that income again disquaified me from getting my rep there, to state my case using all their own documentation, to support me.

I'm thankful that they kept working to help me after that blow to my support and assistance... It means that they deem me disabled and needing more support and further assistance in the future... like, with in home assistance if/as needed... rides to and from doctor's appointments, and any other needs they can cover for me... even with my income.

Do you know how much of a relief that is for me? It's tremendous.

The earthquakes that hit hard months back slowly led my building to sink and settle more... and my porch slats are separating more and more... I'm not sure it's safe any more, but I have no way to afford a better place... we're stuck for now.

I still have that amazing daughter of mine, living with me, helping with some of the monthly costs... and, the church hasn't paid a dime or helped with food, for several months.

But, she's still here.

The man I've been seeing, actually did some work on my SUV. After telling me a year ago, that he wouldn't do anything for me, ever.

Had he not actually follwed through with his claim of being willing... he just wouldn't be in my life any more. He does still distance himself when he sees how hard things are for me... it's too hard for him to watch, or experience in person.

I'm not sure how mmuch I care about myself, sexually any more. I go days, weeks, and even months without the needed exercise/ and attention to my pussy. I'm supposed to use my dilators daily. I don't even do them weekly. But I did finally get myself a set, that I had to pay for, myself since no one of my femal doctors would give me anything bigger than a thumb. The men I've been with, mi=ost of them, anyway... were enough larger, that I tear and bleed if I have sex with the guy I see... he's bigger than average, when he's aroused fully... but most of my sexual experinces have been with bigger than average to Holy shit!!! How am I supposed to get THAT to fit in me, size.

We're slowly making changes in our home. For my daughter, anyway.... not so much really for me.... not yet. The dresser I boiught for me, ended up in her room. She's not really interested in anything to do with helping Me with things that are high priced... but definitely willing to have me spend money on her.... that's just life. and it's okay for now. She's finally bouight some bigger things for herself... instead of it having to be me. I'm grateful she made her own choices, with my input.

Life moves forward, with or withoit us.
I"m trying to stay as close to up to speed as I can... it's what I can do....


I'm thinking of sharing some photos I took recently... I'll have to crop them, etc...

my guy knows I
m srill on this site.... he doesn't expect me to stop sharing photos so....

what do you thiunk?

the pix are of me in new negligee that I've recently aqured.