Listening to music that I love... kind of nice, relaxing

guess I'm letting all the emotional and financial upheaval hit me harder than I'd hoped..

had a crying jag in bed last night.. tears streaming and sobbed too loudly. I woke my friend up. He wasn't feeling well, needed a place to crash for the few hours between his visit with his kids and a few friends down at the Royal... so for the few short hours between late night and his early morning shift... my bed seems to be the place he likes to rest. I tend to sooth him with massages and snuggles. But this morning, in an in between state he held me close, as I simply let the fears and tears wrack my body. I'd hear him try to sooth me and teach me relaxation methods that work for him. I grabbed his hand and just held it near my face... needing that human connection for a moment. I shushed his attempts and told him I'd be fine and that I wanted him to get some of the much needed sleep his body needed. His snores of a sick man relaxed me... just knowing we were here, safe for a moment, was all that mattered.

my response letter to the debt summons has to wait until my mind is clearer... I've never dealt with this before. an 11 year old debt all penalties and interest by now... from back when I was married with a house. I will lose my apartment if a garnishment goes through... I'm overreacting, I know.. but still I'm a wreck over this.

for now, I'll try to relax and write down what I can recall about that old debt... and what my current circumstances are. it's all I can do, after all. And I can remember warm strong arms and body holding me safe and close.

by the way... how many of you have perhaps a far too open and relaxed relationship with your kid(s)?

when I got my toy, I gave my daughter her early birthday gift. she's tired of being alone. Misses nights with a boyfriend. I'm thankful my adult kid trusts mom enough to have asked for her own, simpler one as a gift. She rolls her eyes at me when she finds one of mine on my bed... but I also know she's one of my coolest friends. not just my daughter. I'd rather know she manages her life okay, than watch her make desperate choices, like too many do when they feel lonely or too old to be single... at the age of just a couple days short of her 24th birthday... she's still very young, to me.

got the toy I'd ordered for myself.. and the thing is ergghh, big and I'm not sure how to get the batteries OUT now that they're in.... will find that one out later... for now.. hmm going to learn how to wield this monster and using it to screw multiple orgasms out of my pussy...

It's NOT a 10" long and 7" around xxxxx like my jelly dildo that I tossed away a couple years back.. scared of pushing that thing in and not getting it out without help.

This one's just one of those Jack rabbit jelly covered vibes with the "pearls" inside the twisting spinning cock and a huge rabbit to torture O's from my clitty and lips... I'm sure it'll do the trick...
oh, lord how I hope so!

had a nice birthday, not as dirty spicy naughty as we'd discussed, but, that's fine.. I'm thinking it's friendship and time together that's most important.

took pix at the auto show, and did my best to enjoy wandering around the mall, and sports gear shops.. Yup, Seahawk fan here...

doncha know?

got a new fancy shmancy jersey for cheering that team of mine, on. Can't be bad to be treated to a good day.

Thanks to those who remembered me and my gettin' older than old day.
hugglesnugs and snugglehugs

toys are clean and ready so is the lube(blushes, it's flavored, I know I don't need it)... batteries recharged... check, check, check...

gonna wear my Seahawks shirt for a bit, with my blue and green warm knit beanie with a huge pom pom on it...
then might slip into something sexy...
like no underwear under a skirt?
daring *shudders* if it weren't so friggin' cold...
*sigh* I'll bring something to change into for a late supper, anyway.

such a new thing for me... celebrating my birthday with one of my closest friends/my most regular playmate. Glad he accepted, otherwise I'd be alone in my motel room. Still, not a bad thought.


I need to clean up, change my sheets and put away and pack the clean clothes.. soon. The game begins in no time, and I plan to head on down to The Royal, not for a drink, just to see if I can snag a hug or two. and watch the beginning of the game. My friend will be working and plans to hang around work to watch it for a bit..... who knows when he'll come down to get me so we can sign in for our room. All I know is... this will be both hard and hopefully wonderful.

My daughter is making a huge sacrifice of her strength, for me... she hates nights all alone. It reminds her of way back when my ex would threaten and promise, "Mom's not coming back home from this trip." My birthday will also be her first day of training for her job, where I work, and I won't be there to cheer her on and encourage her to relax and remind her that she'll be fine.
I made the plans due to her original start date. And, I also insisted that I needed it, due to how uncomfortable she'd made our lives, with her attitude. How sad this is for me... but it's making a clear and strong point. She needed to be jarred out of her raging angry attitude, into one of regret and respect for who I am in her life... a harsher lesson I do not wish upon her. I love my daughter so dearly.... but, I also love ME, I love myself and who I am. I deserve to BE myself, love who I am, and love whom I will. So though this pains me, it also is a joy to look forward to. I have a friend who cares about me and my daughter and who enjoys our friendship. He is as imperfect as a man can be, and as perfect in his support and kindness... as he gives me pleasure in simply his company when he's not falling apart, himself. I'm looking forward to sharing pleasure... in every way that I can, with friendship, sexual exploration, and with comfortable joy.
And then, I'm looking forward to embracing that kid of mine and reminding her that while she felt punished, I was in need of that time away... and so was she.. a reminder that we are two individuals; two strong women who are related and strongly devoted to one another.
God has blessed me with people to love and to share my soul with. I can't complain about that one bit.

craving again..
today, as I shaved myself smooth... I was wondering...

and aching for a tongue to lathe my clit... spread my thick velvety lips and then my inner petals apart as well... slide a finger into me, as you kiss my lips, neck and throat... suckle my nipples and lick and caress my breasts...

Eyes closed, as I played with them, stroked a hand under each weighted soft and firm round little melon... running a hand down my too soft belly, and then to test the shave I'd given, smiling, knowing I will never get myself fully smooth without help... my fingers explore the mound and into the valley that many offer to explore and pleasure...

I imagine you teasing your fingers over me... spreading my lips and folds and then reaching in to , kissing a trail over my body licking around and into my belly button to hear me moan with pleasure just as you tease it as if it were my pussy... MMmmmm, delight to me.... I start to build my heat and you can feel the heat, and smell my scent.. the one you so need to taste tonight.... sharp and yet, sweet.... mmmm, I love the feel of it, as you pull that cloak down from that tender little head and rub it with your tongue until I'm wriggling and moaning with delight... you groan at that alone, and then due to the heady flavor you've been craving to have... now, you begin the lustfully arousing performance of orally turning me into your dripping aching lover once more... so eager to feel and taste the flavor of my desire and excitement at what you are doing to me... my body heating up, my need increasing deliciously...

how does that make you feel, as it pours over every nook and cranny, every fold and orifice...
feel the glistening sticky warmth of it coating your face.. cheeks, chin lips and neck... and then, taste me deeper please, oh please.. I NEED that tongue to delve as far into the darkness of my holes to rub and pleasure and lap at my juices.. feast upon my desire. drink of my lust... enjoy the flavor of my passion and know I want your lusty aching need to build into an ecstatic release eventually, with me... I want your passion, crave your own lust and need... Need me, tonight.. taste and take me fully... I WANT you... but you know my passion for the still new experience of having you perform orally on me... such a new thing to me... to be given, instead of giving it and never getting any for my own truest pleasure.... you know I NEED orgasms to cope with my inferno of a libido... and you love knowing that your tongue, lips, teeth, chin, all of you can bring me that lusty, sinfully decadent piece of heaven... you are ready to torture me into bliss and have been fantasizing of burying your face between my legs for days...

... make my orgasms rock me... feel me shudder as you move me...
teach me how an oral experience is meant to feel and be....

make me want your face between my legs. Make me wet just hearing your breath.
Make me need to feel your hands upon my skin, spreading me wide enough to feel your mouth, tongue, nose within me.... and let me love the wet mess you enjoy pooled between my legs.
Whisper to me how much you want make me moan and whimper low as I run my fingers over your face, ears and head. Cradling your face between my thighs... pressing them against you and then at times thrusting up and out of control, to bury your face in my begging, aching and oh so hungry pussy.

I need that completion.... then you kiss me deeply, sweetly, sharing my juices with me... and I too become wet on my breasts, neck and face with my own wetness, because you know me so well..... you reach inside me, scooping up pooling juices and it over y skin... and greedily begin the whole thing over.. kissing my now cum coated breasts and belly, licking me clean, suckling my nipples until the flavor is nearly gone and then rubbing more on them, because it's something I taught you to do to me.... you feel the heat and need between your own legs and know it'll be your time soon... to feel your orgasmic release too... for now, you are my lover proving how much you need and want to pleasure me, and how much my own pleasure makes you feel that perfection is in your hands, right now... to build my lust to a satisfying release... to make my need yours and my aching your own toy to play with and to use in this long, long night of passion and lustful joy...

You feel my heat taste it as you kiss me again, then hungrily bury your face again in my wetness, diving in to pleasure and giving me absolute lust as your gift.

Mmmmmm, God, oh, yes

*sigh*

wonder if I'll morph into an OLD wrinkled prune overnight the night after my birthday...

what dayah think?

I hope NOT... then again, I'm noticing wrinkles around my eyes... sags are saggier, ugh.

But my butt's still back there, where it belongs. My boobs still stick out in front and my toes aren't curled into pretzels.

Guess I'm good.

Hmmmm, heavenly naughty dreams.... and even better... love that they're real.
Eager discussions of what we'll do, and his desire to tease and pleasure me as hugely as he can.

a night in a motel together... celebrating just two of us. A birthday wish come true... time alone with a lover who knows how to pleasure my body and loves how I use and pleasure him.

Plans for his gifts to me.. a new toy.. huge cock shaped dildo, to feed his hungry fantasy of watching my pussy be filled with a huge cock, plunging into the tightness that is me. Admissions that he wishes he were bigger. My affirmation that while I know... he's definitely not average.

I recall the feel of him deep inside of me... how his tongue used to give me orgasmic euphoria.

A night and day of pleasure... think we'll need a few gallons of Powerade, and some protein.. Food, you know...

looking forward to falling asleep in his arms.. his feet caressing mine, and over my legs... his hands lazily roaming over every curve he's been describing and how much he loves desires and is wound up by them.

a day with him.. and, then... home to spend the remainder of my day/evening with my daughter.

Mmmmmm, he's coming to be with me... and we'll be cumming and cumming, and cumming, together...

this is so needed... so wanted... My lust and hugner, heat, and aching rises higher at the thought of feeling him release his reins and let me feast upon his animal and his passionate lover... his lusty xxxxx and his needing soul... the pieces of him that I crave, want, and am eager to partake of... soon.

sigh, can't edit my postings any longer, now that I'm back to basics

this was supposed to be the last song I'd posted, not a repeat of Reason to love.