I was falling apart yet again..
then got a longish text from a treasured NN friend... responding briefly, I thanked him... and then, got yet another even longer one from him... telling me to reach out to one of the dear couples we love here... anyway, I needed his texts. And, even though I'm still as far into this hellish fear filled PTSD trip of mine... I was given a couple of gifts better than any I've gotten at work in a long time...
HUGS.
yes, hugs...
I don't get them often, and for me, that is like absolute starvation for my senses and heart... I NEED them.
I was raised to believe in the healing power of a hug. The positive, and spiritual upliftment from one is tangible. I'm not religious, but I AM spiritual, and I know that the universe is filled with positive and negative. Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative... a hug is pure positive, passed from one soul to another in that simple and brief connection. Literal power being transferred from one to another. Analytically posed? Of course.. I'm also a scientifically minded person, as well as highly emotional and loving.
The first hug was from the woman who sits next to me. We grew a fast and tightly bonded rather fiercely loyal friendship in a short length of time. I love her as an older sister... and like me, she's open about her sexuality and her attraction to and with men. I dig it.
The next, was from a man whom I respect and adore. Softspoken, intelligent, caring and someone I trust... and as short as me
... He had come across me yesterday, in my tucked up tight ball in the corner of the lobby on our floor... and so, today, when he'd found me in the break room standing with our mutual tall lanky friend... he came up, and told me he didn't know why, or if it'd be enough, and then warmly hugged and held me for a moment. And I hugged him tightly back, whispering a choking thank you into his neck.
I needed those hugs so much, my dear friends... I get so little closeness and affection from anyone these days, that I often feel I'm withering away to nothing...
Later, a man I've enjoyed, who wants to have more with me... as in dating, not just playing... reached out, as he's started to, texting a good morning and sweet gentle positives. Later, asking me how I'm doing, I told him the truth...
we sent one another hugs in text.. back and forth. It helped. And then, a dear from here, reached out on Facebook, doing the same, and so much more... I'm lucky. I got hugs, today. I don't get them more than a couple a week, if/when my daughter's in the mood.
HUGS HEAL.
Please, reach out and give a hug, and let someone hug you in return. Feel the positive wash over and into you. No naughty ones, loves.. but pure and giving ones, full of the power that heals and buoys a soul who's flailing in the water, drowning in sorrow... just like me.
I'm flailing around feeling lost, alone, bleak and helpless... I'm recycling horrible memories that must be cleansed from my heart and mind... ones I'd fought to conceal from those around me, and from my mind, by shoving them in a darkened corner of a dusty top shelf.. all the way back...
it all came crashing down on me, Loves... yesterday, and dust from it's all over me. I need to accept and face my demons, embrace them as mine, then set myself free of them. It's the only way I know how to truly free myself from sorrows, from anger, frustration, pain, and from the traumas of life. Each one of the nightmares must be acknowledged... accepted as real then let go. Every last one gets, in an odd way... a hug.
Give a healing hug to somebody, please.. and imagine my arms around you afterwards, whispering a thank you as I embrace you, too. Give positive and light, and love to someone briefly and know that in thinking of me, or them, or whomever you please.. you are sending that light and positive to all you're thinking of, as well as that one within your arms.
GIVE, HEAL, HUG.
PLEASE?
