LilMissyMichigan's Blog

First of all, thank you all that already knew about what my Dad was going through this week and thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Dad had scans done on monday and we had to get the results on thursday. They had thought possibly that the cancer had spread to his throat but thank God it hasn't. They also thought that due to his lymphnodes being swollen that it had possibly moved to there too. He went to his oncologist today and he told him that it has not spread to his lymphnodes, but that he does want him to stop the pill form of chemo he's been taking and to do the actual chemo. I'm torn. I'm lost. I'm helpless, and this is something I can't deal with very well. I want him to be here as long as he can be and to be with me and never leave me, but not at the cost of which chemo is going to do that if it helps at all. I've taken care of patients who have had chemo, and I know that everybody handles it differently, but it's always made them sick, and they can't get out of bed, and their strength is ripped from them. I do NOT want to see my Dad go through this. I honestly and truly believe that if or when this happens it's going to take his will and his fight from him and he's going to give up. My Dad is NOT the kind of person that just sits around. He has to be busy doing something all the time. I hate this and I hate the cancer that is doing this to MY DAD! I can't even begin to think of him not being here, even though I know that is what is going to happen. I'm so mad, and my anger at times takes over me and I just want to beat the shit out of something and make it feel as bad as I do. *sigh*


Anyhow, please keep My Dad and My Family in your thoughts and prayers. In the weeks and months following we're going to need them more than anything else.

Thank You All again,
Missy

"Love Them While You Can".........

FINALLY!!! All my hard work has paid off!! I've just been promoted and have gotten a hefty raise!!! I am SO excited!! I won't stop now lol until I have one of those fancy nice company cars ) Might take me a couple years but I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!! So, I'm also considering buying a house here in michigan so that when i do want to come and visit I have my own place to stay. Or, I could just let the kiddo have it and let him live in it if he decides not to move to NC with me. LOTS to think about and consider now... But I am off to bed now so that I can get up and go to work at 5 am LOL

Goodnight Everyone

I'm questioned a lot on here about why I am here. I like to chat and see some friends that I have made along the way here. I'm NOT looking to "hook up" or "get fucked" for a one time thing and move on, Sorry!!

So, shoot me for wanting the real deal and not just being the kind of person to hook up with a stranger for sex! I want the "whole package"... it may not be from here, but it doesn't mean that I am just going to go and fuck every person that lives close to me and go on about my business. And, if you REALLY knew me or wanted to get to know me you would know this and not send me messages asking me to meet you for a fuck, or to show you more....

So, please respect me and understand what I'm looking for and doing here....

Thank You

I am so flippin' frustrated right now it isn't funny!!! Work is TOO MUCH work right now because I have a boss that is lazy and doesn't know wtf he is doing!!! I haven't had a day off in over 3 weeks now and it is starting to take it's toll on me. Not to mention it's taking me away from time with my Dad and is part of the reason why I passed up the promotion because I didn't want the hours and instead of me not giving a shit and just doing what anyone else working there is doing, I'm kicking their asses and unfortunately I am NOT the one being paid what he is being paid. SO tomorrow morning it's time to call the BIG GUY and get this shit taken care of..... Now I'm done!

Thanks for the rant....

"Missy".....

everything head on right now and it's absolutely killing me inside. This past monday we found out that in the past 6 weeks Dad's tumor has grown from 4.6 cms to over an inch now. In my mind I keep telling myself that I did the right thing by moving back here to spend as much time as possible with him, but my heart isn't sure that it can handle seeing him wither away to almost nothing and go through all that he is right now. It makes me literally sick with even just the thought of him not being here this time next year. I can't even make my brain wrap around that thought and not have a breakdown. My Dad and B are all that I have in my life. They're all that matters to me. I try and hold it in but even nights like tonight at work I have little break downs. Seeing something that makes me think of my Dad sends me to tears. I'm not strong when it comes to him or to B. I know that I need to be and I put on a great front when I am around him but then I have to walk away to keep him from seeing my face or tears. I've made the decision to move out of state next year when B graduates, and I know Dad will be gone. I have to. There is no way that I can stay here and be constantly reminded of him. B as right now has agreed to move with me, and I hope he does, but if he doesn't I understand. He has to start his own life and do what is best for him. I just ask that all of you keep me and my family in your prayers to help us get through all of this...

Thanks SO Much....
"Missy".....

I am in a bad place and having too much to deal with right now. It's hard to see people that you love and care about fighting for their lives. I was having a pity party for myself because I find out that I need 3 more surgeries and it's just getting me down. Then I get a phone call that my Best Friends brother has been given 3-4 weeks at the most. "Smack".... I woke up and realized that at least I am not having as tough a time as he is or as my Dad. So I stop whining and think how lucky I truly am... Monday is a big day for my Dad and we'll find out some major test results. Every time my phone rings I am scared to answer it that it is going to be "midnight" (old screen name of my bestest friend)... and that he is going to tell me that his Brother has passed, or that it's going to be my Mom or sister(s) telling me that Dad is back in the hospital. The absolute worst is that I couldn't just jump in the car and go to either of them. Not having a car is the worst at this time in my life. I just want/need to be there for both of them, and here I am unable to be. It's breaking my heart and I am so torn. I've ALWAYS been the one that would do whatever it takes to be there for the people that I absolutely love and adore with all my heart, and yet I feel like I am failing them, BOTH! NONE of this is fair and NONE of this should be this way.

PLEASE...I am begging you all, to keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers. We need all the help that we can get.

Thank you and thank you for listening and for everything...

Ronda

I hate not being able to be in 2 places at once....

Wishing that 2 very important people in my life weren't so dayum far apart.....

*confused*.......

You don't know me....

You think you know me....

You assume things about me....

But you never take the time to REALLY get to know me....

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