many of you probably didn't see the movie "we were soldiers once, and young", it was a movie about the vietnam war with mel gibson. in it there were scences showing taxi drivers delivering telegrams. that was how the military used to handle the business of notifying the family of soldiers who were killed. can you believe it? a fucking telegram! i was shocked. i had never given it much thought before. i have learned however. early on in the iraq war a member of the unit i was in was killed. the way things work now, we (members of the unit) were not allowed to make contact with the family until they were officially notified. notification is made by the chaplain and another representative. i was working as the aide-de-camp, which is essentially the bitch for a general officer. i was in charge of getting his coffee, making sure he was on time and generally keeping him happy. i was not originally appointed CAO, but when i saw how the soldier who was appointed acted, i immediately asked the general to be appointed. there is no formal training or class on this. the job consists of a number of visits to the family to present them with the death benifit, coordinate the body with the funeral home, and aid in making funeral arrangements. after our first visit in which we presented the first check, i told the soldier with whom i was working that he was not to say another word to the family. he was to do only the paperwork. you see, he felt that she was not sufficiently impressed with the amount of the check and kept putting it in front of her face. did he really think she gave two fucks about the money at that point???? she had just lost her husband and was now facing the daunting task of raising three young children alone. what an asshole! I made many trips to her house and made sure that alll the details were worked out. she had my cell number and would call me frequetly with questions. i could never imagine what she was going through. i especially felt like i owed her because i had many conversations with her husband, mostly talking about a career change for him. he was a truck driver, but wanted to provide more for his family. i had given him the name of the director of the local nursing school (who was a friend of mine) and encouraged him to go in that direction. each month when i saw him i would always ask...he would say that he was too busy, but that he was going to. he loved the United States of America and yet he was not even a citizen when he deployed. he was Romanian and his wife said that his greatest day was when he was sworn in as a citizen. that took place in iraq about a week before he was killed. after the burial his wife approached me quietly to thank me for helping with the process and also for the tears in my eyes during the burial. it appears that even the children noticed and thought it odd that a tough army man would cry. it meant something to her that i really did care. i still speak with her occasionally, she and the children are doing well. i only hope that i was able to provide a touch of comfort during such a difficult time. RIP SGT Dima and may your family be always Blessed. |