Ltdan's blog post - my VA appt........

Friday, July 31, 2009, 7:34:58 PM

i went to the va (Veteran's Administration) today for an appointment. today was an introduction to the types of therapy that they offer. it was very interesting, but at the same time a little scary. i have been through my share of trauma in my life (physical, emotional, and sexual abuse by my natural father; i witnessed my brothers drowning when i was 9; i worked the site the night of 9/11, and then of course iraq). i have always been good about storing the trauma away as if it were another life. when i was younger i was able to direct my energies towards sports and i actually became quite good. i was always driven! a little extra motivation to carry me through. that is until this iraq stuff! it has had the opposite effect on me to where i no longer want to work out. i have to drag myself out of bed to do anything and i have lost interest in many things (thank God sex is not one of them

). i am nervous because they actually want me to relive the experiences which i am trying to repress.....not sure how that will turn out. the real issue which i want to address is that when i go to the va, i feel guilty becaue i see so many others that are suffering WAY more than me and i almost feel as if i don't belong. how did the men and women from WWII do it. there was no PTSD back then. they just came home and carried on! that is so impressive. maybe the generations just become "weaker". even with all my issues, i am so thankful that i am able to carry on and provide for my family. i do have to say that you all have helped me to carry on. all of the thoughtful comments and encouragement mean so much to me. i only hope that in your hour of need that i will be able to give you the strenght you need. on a side note..........is it wrong to have "feelings" for the therapist????????, she was HOT!!! i digress......thanks again for your support and for reading my rants.

Comments

Others Have Said:

nickey69 on 31-Jul-09 21:51:28

nope it aint wrong at all,.have a great weekend dan ,xxx

Kensington Gore on 31-Jul-09 23:58:50

My brother take my hand because if there is one thing for sure and that is you are so very NOT alone in this whole emotional tempest you are experencing.

Make connections and keep them strong,people heal each other and that is actuley far more naturel of an insticnt than the one that tells us to destory each other (don't believe nhilistic song writers,poets,writers and artists).

Now you make sure if you feel a little cruished,a bit take down by those gray walls of mental oppression you P.M me and we can swap details.

How else can we make plans to do that rhinestone cowboy thing eh :)

Take care and take some of my strengh to use :)

James

mdguy on 1-Aug-09 1:08:56

"there was no PTSD" in WWII... Rubbish. It's not that they wasn't. It's that they were better at burying it deeper. There is a realisation that simply "getting on with it" isn't always good.

I have no words or expertise in this. All I have is an ear. It's yours when you need it.

Ltdan on 1-Aug-09 15:59:54

that was my point MD, how could they just bury it? very strong men and women to be sure. my hat is off to them.
ken, thank you. simple words, but heartfelt none the less!

cas999 on 1-Aug-09 18:28:20

Boxes:
Something happens, you put it in a box in your head, shut the lid and move on. Something else happens, you put it in a new box in your head, shut the lid and move on. So on and so forth. One day something happens and there is no room for any more boxes, instead every box in your head springs open and the contents spill.
It's time to deal with the boxes and their contents, problem is they cannot just be tidied back up and close the lid.
They need spilling properly, analysing and repair. The end result should be no more boxes and no more need for boxes - you will learn how to deal with each requirement of a box as it happens.

The trick is now finding someone who is good at fixing boxes, there are some damn good box fixers around.

Accept the help at hand, talk to whoever will listen.
Please, learn to look after yourself as well as you look after others :)
xxxx Cas xxxx