OldTroubador's blog post

Spent a lot of time on the phone with my sister today. Dad had to go to the ER, first time in a while. It seems some new medicine he was put on made him sick all last night and he was suffering from dehydration, in addition to high anxiety levels, which happens to him everytime he starts ailing. He gets tired easily anymore - last month he and Mom drove to Gettysburg, only 3-1/2 hours, and it wore him out.
Dad called me this afternoon. He left out, or forgot, the part about vomiting all night. It took him five minutes to think of the word 'adrenal gland' (okay, two words). He used 'antibiotic' and 'antidepresssant' interchangeably. He never mentioned that his blood work up showed almost all his levels running off the bottom of the charts. He sounded shaky, unsure.....scared. And my sister and I both have come to the conclusion that he is just tired of trying, tired of fighting. The only reason he hangs on is because of Mom.
Mom is not much better. Last year at Christmas, when I was there to visit, I saw her put the box of aluminum foil in the refrigerator. When I made a joke about it, she looked like a child whose hand had just been slapped for a misbehavior. And since then, it has just gotten worse - leaving the stove on after the food has been taken off, forgetting appointments, fighting with Dad because she can't remember and has to take out her frustrations. The rest of the time, she sounds like Pollyanna, saying it will all work out.
We are scared that at some point, Mom will drive to the store and forget how to get home. And Dad, well, I found out that his eyesight is not as good as it was - he makes up for it by driving a little faster than he used to. The day is coming when neither of them should be behind the wheel; we just can't take that step to eliminate the tiny bit of freedom they still have, even though we should.
So my sister and I talked at length this afternoon. I am going to have to convince Dad and Mom that my sis needs to see the doctor with them whenever they go. She is going to talk to a lawyer about getting medical power of attorney for each of them. And she is also talking to home care providers.
Our family has a history of letting the elders stay at home until they are called away. And neither of us can countenance putting Mom or Dad in a home, no matter how nice the facilities are. It's just the way we are.
We are going to try to ease M&D into a home care provider a little at a time - maybe someone to cook once or twice a week to start with. Get them used to the idea.
It just takes some getting used to. They were always the providers, the strong ones, the decision makers. But the time has come to reverse the roles - to do for them as they have done for us for the last 50 years. But Goddamn, it hurts to see one's heroes falter, lose a step.
If I may, keep my folks in your thoughts. My sister too - I will carry the worrying, but she is going to have to deal with the day to day. The biggest burden will be hers.
Thank you for letting me unload on y'all.