My internal medicine doctor got me a referral to a urologist for a problem I was having. I went yesterday. OMG, She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy! She told me that I have to stop masturbating. I asked her why. She said, "Because I am trying to examine you..."

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time How do you do it?'

He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood -

I choose to be in a good mood.'

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.

'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins..Wanna see my scars?'

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live.'

'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked
He continued, '...the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'
'What did you do?' I asked.'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity''.
Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything .

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

Sex In The Shower In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most
likely to have had sex in the shower!
In the survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', a huge
86% of Detroit residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the
shower.
The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison ....

We went to some friends house yesterday to celebrate Dads Day, and everything was fine until my face, hands, and feet began to swell up. Had to rush to the hospital and got to spend the next 3.5 hours on my back being medicated. No idea what I am allergic to because this has never happened before. Well, now I get to do a dose pack of steriods for the week which will make me swell up and shake like crazy and now I am supposed to go see an allergist and get poked and prodded.

Just turned on the TV and Blazing Saddles is on! Definetly one of the most NON 'P.C.' movies ever made, and So So Funny. If you have never seen it, Go rent it NOW! Just be ready to be offended. Dosent matter if you are white, black, chinese, christian, jewish - this movie makes fun of everyone.

Well, I was just wondering around the site and noticed the least visited blogs, since I rarely blog (mainly lurk) I sort of thought I would be in there. Actually glad I am not, but I doubt that i will ever make the top list either. Just wondering around in the background ......

Thanks to those who bother to read this.

A man finally gets his prescription for Viagra.
Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his cockatiel eats all of them. Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off.

Unfortunately, his Viagra kicks in just as his wife comes home and it is hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted.

"What happened?" the man asks. "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?"

The cockatiel pants, "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs a frozen chicken?"

As you may have heard the Bush Administration said each and every one of us would now get a nice rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs,

If we purcha computer it will all go to India If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will all go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatamala,

If we purchase a good car it will all go to Japan,

If we purchase useless crap it will all go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes and beer, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
* * *
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
* * *
3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sportscenter.
* * *
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.
* * *
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
* * *
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no importance to your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
* * *
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron
* * *
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
* * *
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."
* * *
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
* * *
Evaluating Your Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"

Reasons to date a Starbucks Barista
1. Because we're used to whipped cream.
2. We make everything extra hot.
3. We know how to keep you up in the morning.
4. We won't fall asleep afterwards.
5. We thank and worship you over and over, even if we know you don't deserve it!
6. No body grinds like we do.
7. The thing's we make are soooo delicious.
8. You ALWAYS find Mocha, Whip cream, caramel or some other deleciousness on some part of our body.
9. Give you enough creame so you won't complain.
10. Because we always gladly do it agian if you aren't satisfied and thank you with a smile.
11. Because we stay fresh for an hour and only need 4 minutes to re-brew.
12. We will always give you stuff that you LOVE to slurp and swallow.
13. We Give "Legendary" Service.
14. We wipe our steam wands with a towl when we finish steaming your pitcher.
15. Because our aprons aren't just useful in the store, but also in the bedroom; easy to take off, clean up small spills/stains, provide easy access to...everything!