Hi all
Been a while since I posted on here, over a year in fact. Wish I could say things have turned around but they really haven't.
C, the woman I've been in love with for the past two years, got married to her fiancé on Friday. I went to the wedding because C asked me to and she still continues to say she does love me, I'm her best friend and I mean the world to her.
It was very painful and my already battered heart shattered. I managed to keep a face on but once I got out and got to my car I cried my eyes out. It hurts, it really badly hurts and I can't talk to anybody about it. I'm having to bottle everything inside and it's tearing me to pieces.
I don't know what to do. I'm lost.
I really hate myself for letting this happen. I could and I should have done more. Honestly, I don't deserve her but that doesn't change how I feel about her.
And secondly I can't go through this again. It's not worth the risk and seeing as it always ends the same way for me, I'm giving up on finding somebody. C was it. I haven't fallen in love with anybody like I have with her. It took time but it happened.
And with the job front, I finally cracked in September and got signed off for two weeks with stress and depression. I'm now on anti-depressants and having counselling. I haven't even mentioned to my Doc the problems I've been having with C, although I'm seeing her again on Tuesday so I've got to say something.
Job market is awful and with recession I don't think it's likely to improve any time soon.
Needless to say, I'm a complete mess, the worst I've ever been, and I need a way out...
Mark
![](http://i767.photobucket.com/albums/xx315/saveyourheartforlove/heartbreak.jpg)