Veyron_UK's Blog - page 17

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j42ApkIIdNc[/url]

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here


In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Hi all

Note to self.

Running three and half miles in roughly 25-30 minutes while it's 30c (86F) outside with no cloud cover and wearing all black to do it in...

...not a very bright idea!

I'm absolutely soaking in sweat and i've just come out of a long ice cold shower! Might have to go back in for seconds...anybody care to join me?

Mark

P.S.
You might have guessed this but no; long runs defiantly does not lower your libido...well it doesn't lower mine anyway!

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UQzHaOG2uI[/url]

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

Hi all

Something i didn't mention in my last blog was something that happened on the journey to a mates house on the way to the airport that i've been thinking about since i got back.

I was catching a train to a mates house by myself the day we were flying out. When the train pulled up a woman came up and asked me if this was the train to Doncaster, to which i said yes. We both got on and waited in the section between the carriages talking about if the coach was first class or not! I said she'd probably get away with sitting in there as she was only going to be on there for 30 minutes.

She said fair point and started to walk to a seat but stopped and asked me if i was going to come with her. At first i said no but she insisted i do, so i agreed and followed her. She pointed out two empty seats sitting next to each other and sat down.

Long story short we spent the next 30 minutes talking about anything and everything but mainly about ourselves.

To me she was attractive and as we talked i did notice that she was sitting to one side of her seat, the side closest to me! When the train pulled up we were almost sitting next to each other but anyway we did keep eye contact for pretty much all of the conversation and we had a few laugh along the way.

So when the train pulled up and we were both getting off she said to me that when i get back from my hols i should text her and let her know how it went. I said ok and gave her my mobile phone. She typed in her number and her name followed by a few x's. We said goodbye and parted.

When i got back from my hols i was sitting in the station on my way home and i thought i'd text her. I got out my phone typed out a short message and then clicked send. I got "error" from my phone. I tried repeatedly but it wasn't sending. I had network connectivity and a full strength signal on my phone...so why wasn't it sending?

I then looked thrwe my address book and when i got to her name i realised why. Her mobile number was one digit short! I couldn't believe it!

In effect she had pulled me! She started talking to me, she help carried on the conversation between us and she had given me her number (i never asked for it) and it was one single fucking digit short!

It's not fair, it really isn't. If i didn't know better i'd swear that there was some conspiracy against me. For the rest of the day i was incredibly pissed off and annoyed.

My mates and fellow co-workers reckon i should try entering random numbers in certain places to see if i get through. Although i'm not sure about that. One because the missing number could be anywhere and any digit and that assuming she gave me the right number in the first place. Secondly i could end up texting some random person and thridly it seems kinda desperate to me!

A very large part of me is telling me to give up. She did it on purpose and was just being nice. Either that or she was pulling my leg or taking the piss.

But there's a very tiny part of me that keeps on nudging me telling me to try and find her.

So i'm on the brink of giving up. I'm not 100% sure what to do.

Any advice would be much appreciated...

Mark

Hi

Long time no blog...well not that long but it's just over a month but unlike the last time i took a "break" i've come back and things haven't improved. In some ways they are worse.

I'm really lonely....well i have been for the past 8/9 years but it's really starting to get to me now. I've totally given up trying to find somebody as there doesn't seem to be a point. I'm trying to get other things in my life sorted and i'm constantly pushing love right to the back but it always filters through to the front. I guess i've always been able to keep pushing it back but recently, when i think about it, it really hurts and i'm really starting to question who and what i am.

I'm not really talking about looks cause i've never had a high opinion of myself in that area. It's more about my personality and how i act. I know that having zero confidence and below bottom opinion of myself doesn't help but seriously 8/9 years without finding anybody who loves me? And well over a year and a half since i last found somebody willing to sleep with me? I mean, i can't even remember i last kissed somebody or held somebody's hand.

How can i not think any differently about myself?

I was chatting to K last night on MSN and we briefly touched on this. She basically said stuff i've heard god knows how many times before. That i'm stuck in a rut, that i need to change my outlook, get out more and be more positive. Only i can change myself....yeah, hang on. Let me just flip my switch! If it was that easy to change and find somebody i would have done it ages ago.

If more proof is needed i've come back from holiday to Magaluf. Went there for a week with a few mates. For those of you who don't know Magaluf is basically a place where the majority of young people go for a shag! It's also known as Shagaluf or Magamuff. People go there, get pissed and pull anything breathing....well anything apart from me. I didn't get anything at all....nothing.

Not a shag, not a bj, not a handjob, not a hug, a holding of hands while walking along the beach at night, a kiss, a long gaze, nothing, nada, zip.

I think it's the equivalent of going into the biggest butchers in the world who are supply free meat and walking away with a cabbage.

Anyway enough of that shit, getting depressed!

Onto something different i bought a new digital camera (12 megapixel!) so hopefully sometime this week i'll be taking loads of different and interesting pics to put up.

Have fun...

Mark

Hi all

This maybe isn't the best time to write a blog. I've just come in from a night out on the piss and while i'm not absolutely hammered i'm not sober either.

It's just i've meet up with a mate who i haven't seen in about 7/8 months and while i was out i asked K if she wanted to meet up for a few drinks and maybe get to know some of my mates.

The thing is, she's back with her boyfriend who she decided to take out with her tonight. The only opinion i have of him was from K which has been largely negative cause we only spoke about him after she dumped him. From what she said he basically came across as a clingy, over protective guy.

But as i was meeting him for the first time i decided to form my own opinion which after about 10-15 minutes was that he was a complete wanker! And after about 45-60 minutes it wasn't any different.

The thing is, he knows that while they were "separated" we spent a bit of time together as friends. I don't know whether this affected him but whenever me and K were talking he would have his hands all over her, but when they were talking to each other they weren't even touching each other.
Also he did drop a couple of digs at me, which if we were friends would have been water off a ducks back, but as we'd just meet i wasn't exactly happy about. Although K found them funny so i maybe over reacting a bit in that department.

Anyway when i did meet up with my mates two of them did say that when he was about K hardly said anything, but when he went to the bar/toilet she was really chatty. One of them also said me and K seem to get along really well.

Bottom line is that she acted completely different when he was about. And i didn't have her down as one of those type of people. I guess i'm disappointed in her more than anything.

So frankly i don't really like K's boyfriend. I think he's a wanker and i'm left, once again, wondering why a perfectly nice woman is going out with a complete dick-head?

I know she's going to ask me what i think about him and i don't know whether to be honest with her or just keep my mouth shut. I think that in a relationship the only people's opinions that matter at the two people in the relationship so it doesn't matter what i think.

But at the moment i'm really annoyed. Even though i had time after them two had left.

I don't know what i should do in regards to K and frankly i think i've had too much to drink to make a "decent" choice about her but i know that even in the morning i will think her boyfriend is a twat!

Anyway i'm off to bed, need to be bright and happy for tomorrow...

Hi

Well all is still either shit or rather grey...which I guess is slightly better than just shit.

The grey area mainly involves me and what exactly I’m doing with my life. I'm 26, living at home and doing a shit dead-end job with little to no future. So the most obvious thing is to get a new job and that's where the grey comes in.

I'm torn between staying in IT or going into Medicine. With IT I know what I’m doing and I’m pretty good with computers...mostly! The only problem is that even though I graduated from uni and have been working in IT for two years the only IT jobs I can actually get are IT support. Which are mainly boring, low paid and not very well respected. This also throws up more problems as there are no IT jobs around where I live so I’d probably have to move and London is looking like a safe bet at the moment. Of course this will move me away from my friends and family plus with the low wage and London prices I’ll be back to living like a uni student!

In regards to going into medicine it'll mean going back to uni for anywhere to 4 to 6 years. So I’m looking at graduating when I’m either 30 or 32. Of course it'll also mean a lot of hard studying (which honestly I wasn't very good at) and I’ll be back to student living. Although in the long term it'll pay off as the post I’m looking at is very short staffed at the moment and money will be a lot better as well.

The medicine job poses the biggest risks as there's a very good chance that I’ll either won't complete the course or I will them realise I don't like/want the job.
The IT one is the safest bet but at the moment it's a very narrow path and not a well paid one.

So that's the grey and now the shit and of course it can only really come down to one thing...

...women!

I don't know. I guess I just can't figure them out or maybe I can't figure myself out. I always and I mean always go for women I have no chance of getting. Like life isn't annoying as it is I have to torture myself by playing this fucking game in which I always lose.

And yeah my latest crush, K, has got back with her boyfriend. I didn't pin much hope on her but still I’m a little disappointed. We had a chat on MSN a few days which, when we finished, kind of had me thinking really hard about myself.

Something that I’m starting to hear quite often is that people are surprised I’m single (or that I’m STILL single). I don't know what to make of it; I mean what do comments like that mean? And if they are surprised am I doing something wrong?

I'm trying not to think about it. Nothing is going to change on that front any time soon and in some ways I don't want it to but I don't want to talk about that at the moment.

So I’m trying to decide whether I should have a pint of ice cold Guinness or a mug of hot chocolate?

Mark

I think i can sum up today's blog entry in one word...

...Fuck!

Hi all

Well not much to report really.

The second stay in Milton Keynes (last Thursday/Friday) was a lot better. I treated myself after i'd finished my work for the day and went to nice Italian restaurant. I had a lovely meal and, after a cappuccino, a glass a red (well it was sort of purplish) wine. It was really nice and i did enjoy it but in and empty restaurant, sitting at an empty chair, i felt really, really lonely.

I then went back to my hotel room had a cup of coffee then went straight back out to a pub. Although this time somebody from the course said he'd meet me for drinks after a while. He did and we mainly talked bollocks while we got pissed!

I'm back there this Thursday/Friday and at the moment it looks like i might be meeting somebody for some "fun"! That couple who i was suppose to be meeting haven't got back to me, which was no big surprise, but fingers crossed this one won't turn out to be a total let down as well!

Anywho my next two weekends are now "fully booked". Next weekend i'm going to see the Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso. I'm really looking forward to it even though i'm not totally sure what to expect.
The weekend after that i'm down in London with the intention of seeing Derren Brown, I'm a big fan of his and for those who don't know who he is. He's basically a guy who uses psychology and illusions to fool people. For more info on him:

Official:
[url]http://www.derrenbrown.co.uk/[/url]

Wikipedia:
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derren_Brown[/url]


Hopefully all will go well!


Mark