amancalledpony's blog post - Puxatony Phail returns

Yes I am back, Puxatony Phail (Punxsutawney Phils cousin). Yea a friggin day early. Get over it. I am here because today is the Stupid Bowl. When all the friggin MILF’s in America go nuts. Not that I am complaining since they get naked. But the parties are a friggin pain. You know what it’s like to wake up at 7am with smoke pouring into your house – because Joe BBQ decided to smoke something. Yea the friggin brisket will smell like a five alarm fire by kickoff. But no one cares. Cause they are drunk and I am hoping no one has a squirrel gun. My fat rodent ass could get shot off for gods sake. And what the hell is a Patriot - should be named Elected Official the way they cheat. What is a Seahawk? All the animals I know think it is an Osprey. But I saw an Osprey the other day so I think they will win. How about that for a friggin prediction! Likely better than the crap on ESPN and those other sports channels. I won’t even get into the debate on Seachickens. I’ll let Jessica Simpson decide if they are birds or fish. My buddy Charlie Tuna says they are fish. Jessica has better boobs.
So I get friggin woke up today a day early, kept awake with the parties, then just when I get to sleep, some asshole will pull me out of my burrow. With Manfred Man covering Springsteen ringing in my ears. They wonder why I put sunglasses on. Friggin day when people dress up in costume after a day when people dress up in silly outfits. I tell ya, it’s tough to be a groundhog. Now I need to get a Latte.