amancalledpony's Blog - page 31

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the
Super Bowl.

At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch
as the three women buy just one ticket.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?"
asks one of the men.

"Watch and learn," answers one of the women.

They all board the train.

The three men take their respective seats but all three
women cram into a toilet together and close the door.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes
around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please.! "

The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges
with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea;
so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the
return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for
the return trip but see, to their astonishment,that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed man.

"Watch and learn," answer the women.

When they board the train, the three men cram themselves
into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet
just down the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves
her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.

The woman knocks on their door and says,"Ticket, please."

I read an article yesterday where Joe Biden said a shotgun is better protection than an assault rifle. Because most people can't really handle an assault rifle. Then he mentioned a double barrel shotgun which took me back to being a small lad.
Now I learned how to handle a gun almost before I could walk. I know I couldn't hold a rifle cuz there were pictures of me at age 3. lol But as soon as I could handle a girl gun (.410 shotgun) I was in the field with my dad. And damn I was pretty good once I got there. First time out bagged my limit on rabbits (plus put a few round into the ground). (Image if you will, a muchkin with ears like Dumbo, skinny arms and legs, a tummy that looked like someone stuffed a basketball in it, who could hardly lift the shotgun. No wonder I limited out - fucking animals were laughing themselves senseless at the sight of me.) My dads friends called me the bunny hunter after that. Then made jokes about Chicago. I got my share of possum and squirrels in hunts after that. Of course, I constantly wanted a bigger gun. Dad said in due time I could use the 20 gauge.
Well right before the deer season opened when I was either 6 or 7, dad and I went hunting squirrel. I remember it was crap weather but the trees were clear of leaves so I finally got to shot a rifle. I was horrible. Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. I was not used to having to be accurate. Dad gave me the 410 then I limited out. When dad was one short of bag limit, he said lets go back to the car. Then he took out the side by side 10 gauge. Now dad normally used a 16 gauge for rodents, maybe a 12 or a 22 rifle. He handed the gun to me with two shells. Then he smiled. "Get the last one". Well it was lock and load for this kid. LOL
I saw the squirrel in the tree, not that far away. Not even 10 yards out and 10 feet up. I pulled the gun up, got the pad nestled in my shoulder, sighted in then BLAM!!!!
I have no idea how many fucking times my ass flew over my head and vise versa. It was an acid trip before LSD was a cultural phenomenon. All I remember is I ended in a ditch hurting like hell. Felt like my right shoulder was blown off. My head had rocks rattling in it. I couldn't hear a fucking thing except for ringing. My ass was possibly still lost in space. Then I looked up to see my dad. Laughing his fucking ass off. A big wet spot in the front of his pants. He had peed his pants laughing at my misfortune!!! That was the only time I wanted to beat the shit out of my dad. But I couldn't move at that moment.
Once I recovered, but still pissed off, we hunted for the squirrel. Lets just say that little rodent did not make it into the stew pot. I was on target. Not only for the squirrel but a good portion of the tree too. Glad I didn't have to pull shot from either of them. I did not talk to my dad all the way back home...
When we got home my mom knew I was pissed about something. Dad tried to tell her what happened but started to laugh again. When I told mom, in a sputtering - fast paced voice I am sure, she went ballistic. At least dad had time to change while I ranting and raving. lol I am sure my dad got nothing for a while. I know she didn't talk to him for a couple days. Nor did I.

When I finally talked to dad he told me he did it to show the power of a weapon (his words). I needed to respect it. I was not controlling the rifle. I had to be accurate with it, I wasn't so it controlled me. Then the 410 made me feel like a king. He gave me the 10 gauge to remind me the danger inherent with firing any gun when you are not able to handle it.
So I agree with our VP. A double barrel shotgun is likely a much better choice when the zombies come, you have survived an earthquake but the looters are down the block or if someone is in your house. You will hit your target. Accuracy is not required at close range. But if you don't shot a gun on a normal basis. Be prepared for the results. So think before you go Joe Bidening.

I was on an interview call today when I noticed the earpiece for my phone was kind of humming. I guess it was worse on the other end as I had to disconnect it and go to speaker mode. Now this earpiece is a dinosauer. A corded double earbud type that I got with a Blackberry years ago. I used this since I lost my last bluetooth about 2 years ago. So time for a new one.
I headed over to a major west coast discount electronics store, the place where your best buys always are. I found a bluetooth that looked ok to me. Plus it was under $20. However when I checked out it rang up at double. The woman behind the counter said it must have been in the wrong spot on the shelf. I told her I checked the model number with the price sticker and it was correct. She got a bit pissed when I always do that here since things often are in the wrong spot. She copped an attitude while telling me "maybe I could find one in my price rang. Or prove it was incorrectly priced in the system".
Back to phone department I go with headset in had. Muttering fucking bitch they can override right there and a few other adjective heavy phrases about the checkout clerk.
I looked at the price sticker on the shelf. I was correct. But I knew I was. Then I saw it, AHHHHH this price is the sale price. Good through 1/24/13. About now my thought is to take the price sticker out of its holder, go to same checkout lady and shove the sticker up her ass. Before that could happen the sales help for the phones magically appeared. It was a bit unnerving as he bore a strong resemblance to Harry Potter. Well I asked if they would honour the shelf price. He said no problem. We went over to his computer. Plan was he would override the price, I could go checkout and be on my merry way. Except he couldn't override it from his terminal. "We need to do this from the customer service desk" he announced to no one then briskly took off.
I was almost in a trot to keep up. I do not walk slow. But clearly Harry Potter has special speed. He does the price adjustment then announces, again to no one, "Manger approval is all that's needed". Then I could be on to the checkouts and my merry way.
The manager appeared as magically as Harry. "I thought you would need me". By now it is getting kind of spooky. Manager looks at the transaction then says "I can't do this approval. I can only approve up to 30% discount". (opposed to the 50% my item had). He tells me I need to checkout, pay full price then come back over and he will refund the difference. All I can do now is smile.
Back to checkouts muttering more adjectives and wondering if I will ever be on my merry way.
I was hoping for the same clerk but not that lucky. I told the clerk I went to what happened. He called bullshit. Confirmed what I already knew. The first checkout person should have taken care of it. "They can override at the register. The checkout managers have higher authority than the floor managers". I said since the guy in customer service knows what is going on, I will do his way. Checkout dude thought it was really stupid but agreed with me. I happily pay full price knowing the store gets hit with a transaction fee on the refund.
Back to customer service while laughing under my breath at the stupidity of the whole sceaniro. CS guy had the transaction ready only needing the sales receipt and my phone number. 30 seconds later I am signing the refund and heading for the exits.
Finally I am on my merry way...............

This came from an article on brothels in NV. That better be one hell of a blowjob for $500. But negotiations are ok LMAO

But I am not one. For those people who are asking, a triple post. The original from Don and Phil then the Rockabilly version from them (circa 1983, gotta love the hair). Finally, just for shits and giggles, a live Ronstadt version. But please listen to the original first.

In reply to the questions I received concerning my challenge blog from last night. Below are the answers.

1. I am not gay nor bi
2. I am not a crossdresser
3. I do not wear female underwear in my daily life
4. The props were left by my estranged wife after she moved out.
5. I was trying to be artsy
6. I like doing things that surprise people or push the envelope

I have told you people not to leave me on my own. You never know what sort of trouble I will get into. This is an example.

If you haven't checked out the Let's Trade blogs, please do. They were all totally awesome. That is all.

Chessecake edition. LOL Sometimes trying to be artsy works then you get things like this the rest of the time.

You standard sexy ass view


The de rigueur O pic


HE'S A MAAAANIAC (throw the water on him now)



The players are:
MissOwl, BBWBrook, guitartxn, clittylicker, curious48, howlin, Hillbillys_Pride, moi(amancalledpony), RoxanneS, bound_sighs,Safire13, Whispermyname, Northern Star, eternalsun420, Texascouple, kricket187, nudiebare, VTCali, rockhard6isback, sm1187, fluffydawg, Army_brat_uk, Demented_pixie, Dreamingof_U,ThicknHard1forU, Firedancer69, dodoo, needsithard, arabella_topaz, angelindisguise, sidders73, hernhim1996, MrCoverYou, redvs4u, and me...of course, tight_wet_lips.

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

So far, no comment has been forthcoming from the White House.

So a double dose.

Since Safire reminded me of this on my last blog challenge. lol I love Joe Cocker as a performer and Randy Newman as a song writer. Not to mention a dance in 9-1/2 Weeks