beachdreamz's blog post - Top Funny Ways To Answer Your Phone

"911 - What is your emergency?"
City Morgue, You kill em, we chill em.
Hello Clarice
The number you have dialed has been disconnected...
"Bob's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!"
Hello, please state your name, address, and credit card number.
Roadkill Cafe~You kill it, we grill it
"Florida abortion clinic, No fetus can beat us, how may i direct your call"
Wong's Laundry; if it has to be white, it has to be Wong!
"Miller's Amish farm. Sorry, we don't have a phone." *click*
"Phone tag, you're it."
Wait for *them* to say hello
Make the "beeep beeep beeep" busy tone noises and hang up
House of God, Moses speaking, how may I help you?
You are the weakest link. Goodbye
Burger King, home of the Whopper, what's your beef?
Dicks hotdogs...If you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks !!!
I told you not to call when my wife's home...
Suicide Hotline
(Name of your town) sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it! How may I help you?
Acme Funeral parlor. You stab 'em. We slab 'em.
Thank you for calling AT&T. Please listen to the following options and...
constipation inialation...are you running low on exlax?
If the person says hello fisrt scream 'Who sent You?!'
Do you have the item?
House of beauties, this is the cutie.
Joes pool shack, liquor in the front, poker in the rear
You have reached 555-1234. This number has been changed to 555-1234.
"I've got the money, just let her go, she's been through enough."
Federal Bureau of Investigation tips line, this call has been traced
hair control if you have hair we've got nair
hello "pause" hello "pause" etc
Joe's Crematorium - You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
Petes's Palace of Pleasure Pete Speaking
Can you hold on a sec? [Leave on indefinite hold]
if your a salesman hang up
speak!
bates motel.
Hello China moon
Play AOL welcome sound
Say 'sorry i have a call waiting' wait, say hi again then hang up
To learn the facts about hair replacement, press 1
"County Morgue. You stab 'em, we bag 'em."
"your last name" 's summer home, summer home, summer not.
"GO to Hell!!!!!"
"I'm waaatching you" evil laugh, click.
"Switchboard" Refuse to do anything until they give "correct password"
house of the lord god speaking
Sorry, she's dead. Can I have her call you back?
Tampax tampon service, how may I help you?
"Hi." ... "Hi." ... "Hi." ... [repeat as needed]
*burp*
Jello
You Rang?
kill her. that's all you have to do.
"Dartford swmming pool. No jumping, shouting or piddling in the shallow end.
Welcome to Palmers Garden Centre, you're speaking with a Ho
"Hi... you have reached Madam Whiplash... you've been a very naughty boy!"
Fish market. Shark speaking.
Joe's Pool Hall: you rack 'em, we crack 'em.
Mommy?
Blow a whistle into the telephone
Hello? Yes I'll have a 10 inch cheese and tomato with anchovies please.
You are on a restricted CIA phone line! Get off now!
"ABC Circumcision Clinic, you flop we chop"
"goodbye"
yessssssssssssssssssssss!!!
For the nuclear terrorism department, please press 1.
"what are you wearin'?" (while breathing heavily)
What you say !!
"Hello?" *BANG* "I've been shot..." *click*
"are you on a cell phone?!? prank call! prank call!!!"
"Hello, Jimmy's Chicken Shack. Please hold..."
"You started it."
[my name]'s house of phat nasty lovin'
At the third tone, the time will be ...
Hi, is Bob there?
if it's female: "oooooh! it's a lady!"
we/re sorry the person you are calling is dead
What do YOU want?!?!
State your last name (most Europeans do this, and it makes sense)
This is Microsoft; where do you want to go today?
fuck off