bellatif's blog post - saterday - sunday

It’s Sunday evening, just past eleven now. Bf is watching the end of Mission Impossible. I’m sitting behind the dinning table with my machine. Staring at my screen, looking in the NN room. Sipping on my white wine. I’m so bored now. Even Ethan Hunt can’t entertain me now.

Tomorrow I start to work again. My first day at my new job. Should be an exciting day. But I don’t feel it. Nothing actually, no trill, no tension. Shouldn’t I be exited now? Put my pencils in my leather briefcase? Find the right outfit for tomorrow? This is what I have been waiting for: work. All that free time can be so boring. Even I can’t shop forever. But work is not really on my mind now. I actually feel restless now.

I went to a bbq tonight and everybody was asking me if I was looking forward to it. And having to say so much about it has worn me out. Although I really enjoyed myself, I was glad to be back home tonight. I guess I’m tired. And that’s to be expected.

Saterday night we hooked up with friends. And again it was late. Especially because we had to drive back from Cammeray (over the harbour bridge) and I was behind the wheel Yah,…It was a good night. But not really my kind of night. Certain things – without going into it – did spoil it for me a bit. And we left the party rather quickly after that. Bf even brought the subject up this morning, reassuring me nobody would think bad. Telling myself I was tired, and they would understand.

So this afternoon one of those friends came towards me asking if I enjoyed myself last night. I was actually embarrassed that he even had to ask me that. I assured him I had a blast and that we should do it over again soon. Telling him I was so tired that I just wanted to go home. Telling him I hoped he didn’t take it wrong. And he told me he didn’t. He just wanted to know if me and bf both were ok. I did feel pretty bad after that conversation. Because his such a nice and sweet guy. I felt like such a shit. On our way home I told bf about that conversation. Wondering if I should have come forward with it. To make it more difficult now, I know he knows I knew about it! (lol). Bf had mention it to me before. I just never said something about it. His a good friend and a good person.
Anyhow, bf is going to hang out with him Wednesday night. I was glad thou, because last thing I would want him to think that we are upset.

Yah, it has been a strange weekend. And although I’m not excited, I’m glad to go to work again tomorrow. And now, I’m gonna head to bed. To movie is done, and I need to get some sleep for the big day.