So I haven't written a blog entry before, and I guess I shouldn't be so bold as to assume that any of you necessarily care to read what I have to say on any particular subject. I don't blog for the same reason I don't tweet, I can't believe that anyone cares THAT much about what I have to say. That said, I have been toying with an experiment and feel like this is the best place to share it.

I am on here a LOT. A lot more than I would really care to admit. In fact, its gotten to the point where if I am at home alone it is a rare occasion that NewbieNudes ISN'T opened in the background of whatever other computer work I'm doing that day. The problem with this site is its got an addictive quality - even more so than other pornographic sites as it rolls a bit of the social media draw in with its obvious sexual allure. You don't have to be aroused when you log in - you just want to see what your friends or other normal folks like you are doing - and tend to get aroused in the process. This site, combined with some other online adult outlets such as instant messengers, have begun to play a larger and larger role in the consumption of my alone time. I am not sure why this is. I am VERY happily married to a young and beautiful wife. I have a lovely house that needs my attention and live what I consider to be more-or-less a charmed life. I am 29, in a loving relationship, doing a job I love in a place I love with some of the best friends a guy could ask for, so what am I looking for? Maybe its my insatiable sexual appetite, but to this I can't help but wonder, is the cart leading the horse here? Were we so insatiable BEFORE the advent of instantly accessible pornography or are our modern sexual identities defined by the online worlds we inhabit?

I am not one for labels. I am a very open minded individual and pride myself on this fact. I am a member of the new generation, one where sexual labels will fall by the wayside - a generation where you can love who you love and do what you do without feeling bound by shame at the social morays many take as fact. However, I can't help but wonder: am I the same person I would be, both socially and sexually had I not come of age in an era of internet pornography?

I am a member of a transitional generation. Mine is the last generation to really have used records as kids, and the last generation to remember the world before the internet, and therefore am a member of the FIRST generation to grow up with the internet's first great bi-product. My sexual compass was set by the crude porn sites I stumbled across as a kid, and my horizons further broadened by the online communities I dabbled in over the years. This leads me to my ultimate question. Are my desires a result of the images I have been exposed to, or do I just now have a way to satisfy urges in a way I would not have been able to in generations prior? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy being a member of this site. In fact, it has gotten to the point where this is the only porn site I visit. I love the authenticity of this site and community feeling of being here. Coupled with my other online activities however I am beginning to feel like a bit of a slave to the machine, signing in to get my fix - and THAT I'm not so comfortable with. What would my sexual life be like if I were to unplug for a month? How would things change? How would sex with my wife change? Would my desires reform to their "natural" state, or have the perversions of the internet already left their mark? How will I feel? How long will it be before I no longer have the irresistible desire to plug in and sign on.

That's why starting February first I am going to give up all online porn for a month.

Let not be mistaken, I am not giving up masturbation, only online sexual stimuli. Its the grand experiment. I'll let you know how it goes. I have about a week until my grand experiment begins, I'm curious to know your thoughts on this subject - if you made it to the bottom of my meandering post...

Thanks for listening.