I copied these from a "southern belle" on another site. enjoy
>Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
>Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
>Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
>Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
>Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
>All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
>Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
>Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
>Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
>No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
>A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
>Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
>Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
>Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
>Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
>Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
>When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
>Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
>And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.
>To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
>And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
>And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I aint from the South but I got here as fast as I could."
Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
"Now, think about that and see if it makes sense." So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and finds his father in bed with the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit!"< he,he
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>LESSON to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to
coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, Texas, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed in to the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2005
Subject: I have Arrived! Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS ...... Sure is freaking hot down here!< wow! :0
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Americans Just Can't Seem To Get It Right:
The train was quite crowded, as a United States Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.< he,he
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
saved the best for last, even though this doesnt fit with "grins and giggles" it is a "feel good" message
>PSALM 23
Twenty-third Psalm Explained...
The Lord is my Shepherd ----- that's Relationship!
I shall not want ----- that's Supply!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures ---- that's Rest!
He leadeth me beside the still waters ----- that's Refreshment!
He restoreth my soul ----- that's Healing!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness ----- that's Guidance!
For His name sake ----- that's Purpose!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ----- that's Testing!
I will fear no evil ----- that's Protection!
For Thou art with me ----- that's Faithfulness!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me ----- that's Discipline!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies ----- that's Hope!
Thou annointest my head with oil ----- that's Consecration!
My cup runneth over ----- that's Abundance!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life ---- that's Blessing!
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord ----- that's Security!
Forever ----- that's Eternity!< amen
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.looks like fun to me. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
<<< more tomorrow... 
.
.party animal lol
