depotguy's blog post - Now thats just messed up

Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 1:48:25 AM

As many of you know I have had a college student living with me this last year. He was unsure he would be able to finish his last year of college because of limited finances. I told him to move in and if he took care of tuition I would take care of the rest. I have never asked anything from him. Just finish school.
Through the last year his parents have visited and we have had a great time. They have always treated me swell and let me know how much they appreciate the help.
Here's the kicker (and you knew there was one) Mr. student informs me last night that through all these visits his father has never figured out that I was gay. Well, this upcoming weekend the whole extended family is coming for a visit. Uncles Aunts the whole shebang. And apparently homophobia is a rampant incurable disease in this family.
I have already set up several, behind the scenes, sort of activities for this gang and now Mr. roomate asks me if i would be able to keep silent long enough to get through this weekend. (should a rampant slew of hate speech occur.) I told him I could, but I have doubts. And I think it's a lot to ask of someone who was good enough to help you the way I have. It's like I'm good enough to make sure your kid can finish college but not good enough to be seen as fit for basic human rights. Mr. Roomate is gone for a few days but I think another talk is in order.

Any helpful advice?

Comments

Others Have Said:

Benjie Thai on 20-May-08 1:59:01

You are a wonderful and generous person.
I understand where you are coming from on the gay front. Good luck and let us know.

mdguy on 20-May-08 2:05:29

Take him to task for waiting until now to ask, take him to task for him asking in the first place, and know that just because his parents and family weren't raised decently doesn't mean that he need follow in their footsteps.

You have tried to instill in me being yourself. I'm not asking you to *not*. You can't not be yourself. I will ask that this be put on his 'tab'. He will not forget what you do for him, if he's lucky.

You're doing for him, not them.

LUNNA on 20-May-08 2:50:13

This is a very uncomfortable situation....

but unfortunately you cant educate the ignorants over the weekend.

However its your house....and NO ONE should ever disrespect you, even less under your own roof...request respect WITH respect....if that makes any sense!

BarefootBabe on 20-May-08 3:48:42

A tough situation. LUNNA is right, you can't educate the ignorants in one weekend. But it is your house and you have every right to make sure that they don't try force you to live with their hate or ignorance.

hapyjacq on 20-May-08 4:17:45

i think he should tell his parents and family...i understand that he wants this get together but... for him to do it at the expense that you may hear hate speak ... to me that is a total lack of respect...also what if it's not known and then comes out later... if they are so very homophobe... they are gonna be pissed ... pissed at him that they weren't told.... i mean think about it.. if they are truly the way you say ... the family is going to feel duped so to speak.... it's not right but if they are that ignorant and they find out it's gonna be ugly...he needs to let them know and if they choose not to come based on that then their loss they didn't get to meet someone like you... keep us posted sexy.... mwa

lovitt on 20-May-08 4:49:46

A dilemma.
My guides are never insult your guests, also, guests never insult the host.
Hope there's a hotel handy, (probably not) for their attitude.
Hope you can provoke a miracle and open horizons if the "worst" (to them) happens. grin.
You have a good track record.
After all, you're still the same person they "knew" last time.
You are also generous as hell.

lovitt on 20-May-08 4:54:52

PS: I think you're right, a talk is in order.

RoomMate Jay on 20-May-08 8:22:56

He’s asking you not to be who you are?

BM21 on 21-May-08 3:55:55

I'm honestly not sure what I could do. I understand where the boy is coming from in asking you that...I also understand where you are coming from in feeling as if you have to hide yourself.

Personally I think I would just go on like everything was normal and if it is brought up...dont lie about it.

NoSecrets on 21-May-08 18:01:12

I agree with everyone else. If he's asking you to not be you, that's not fair to you at all.

I do understand that it is sometimes easier for him to just "play along" with his parents ignorances rather then argue though, but to expect that of you, is asking too much.