depotguy's blog post - 4 more months

Dear S. Before I was hurt. Now I am angry. I don't know how to stop feeling these strong feelings for you. I am sometimes so mad for letting myself feel these things, I tell myself it will not happen again. And I 've told myself that before.
I think the hardest thing is personalizing the way you chose to vanish. Thinking and blaming myself, as if there is something so painfully needy in me that you just had to disappear that way.And telling myself "no, not me" and then turning around "could it be?" Everyone needs to feel real and complete at their core. I hate this sense of self-doubt.
And why did you leave behind the most comfortable queen sized bed I've ever slept in. Since it's been so hot I drift off every night with your scent swept around me, wishing your arms were close behind. And what am i going to do with these boxes of movies? I know your not comming back.
O what a web we weave....