dziga's blog post - How often do we count our blessings?

The least I can do is be awake to instances that happen when I should be spurred to.

Met with a friend and someone I try to help today. A multi-millionaire fellow who shares some of the same fundamental problems that I have had, in different forms but the same. The blessings of being able to realize so concretely that money is not a solution to a life full of fears and insecurity. Living well is the ONLY solution to those things. So many times it is so easy to get caught up with self-defeating trains of thought that, "If I just had X,Y or Z I'd be happy." It is a blessing to be able to be pulled out of those thoughts and be pulled back towards seeing that the thing that makes one truly happy can only be obtained internally. External things always let us down because it seems to be an inherent human tendency to want more no matter what.

Then later I went out with the family to celebrate a nephew's birthday. He and one of his brothers have autism. Truth be told, I was somewhat unsure about going last night. It's not the easiest thing in the world to deal with and the thought pops into my mind that they probably aren't really aware that we are there...at least in the sense that I view being aware. However, My Love brought up the point that we simply don't know. We don't and can't know what their experience of the world is. What is noted and what isn't. What brings happiness, enjoyment, peace, satisfaction, comfort, connection...any of those things. So of course I went, probably would have anyways because that's the sort of thing I do regardless of personal feelings about it, and it was good. Not good in terms of moments of connection or anything like that, but good in terms of simply being there and accepting that I have no clue what it might mean to them. Ended up having a great time with another nephew too...plus made my parents really happy. So good stuff.

Then I had plans. Plans to perhaps take pics and/or finish filming for my video. No money shot for it yet! My Love brought up perhaps filming us for a video...surprised by that because she has a lot of reticence about posting on NN for reasons I'm sure most of us are familiar with. So that was exciting to think about. Left it up to her...and none of it came to pass. Just some beautiful love making and enjoying the moments without interruptions brought about by the camera.

Talked to another guy later who is pretty much sober only through antabuse at this point. It works...sometimes...he has drank on it once already. Man, drinking on antabuse is ugly. Anyways, regardless of its inherent value or lack of value for long term sobriety, I have sobriety that is brought about by the best circumstances that I can actually envision. Bring brought down to total collapse by the failure of every single thing I did to try to control both my drinking and my life. Total collapse. No more of my solutions left. It led me straight into the sort of thoughts I am expressing now which is not the way I viewed the world at all some seven short years ago. Only internally will I find happiness and knowing that means I don't have to constantly diddle around with trying to control the externals to make the world make me happy.

And to top all of that off, I get to view all the beautiful nude people on NN who do it for free and for fun...the only good reason to do pretty much anything.

Blessed indeed.