fire68's blog post - I wrote down some things to remember winter by!!

>

> December 8: 6:00 PM.

>

> It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took

> our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft

> flakes

> drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So

> romantic

> we felt like newlyweds again.

> I love snow!

>

> December 9:

>

> We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch

> of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely

> place

> in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.

> Shoveled

> for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our

> driveway

> and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up

> the

> sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a

> perfect life

>

> December 12:

>

> The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My

> neighbor

> tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow

> on

> Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of

> winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's

> possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

>

> December 14:

>

> Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20°.

> The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I

> warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The

> snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't

> realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly

> get

> back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

>

> December 15:

>

> 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow

> tires

> for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.

> The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think

> that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

>

> December 16:

>

> Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting

> down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think

> was

> very cruel.

>

> December 17:

>

> Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

> Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay

> warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

> Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I

> hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own

> living room.

>

> December 20:

>

> Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.

> More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice.

> Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy

> playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store

> around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have

> another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to

> shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

>

> December 22:

>

> Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white

> shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt 'til August.

> Took

> me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to

> piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too

> tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the

> rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is

> lying.

>

> December 23:

>

> Only 2" of snow today, and it warmed up to 0°. The wife wanted me to

> decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!!

> Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I

> think she's lying.

>

> December 24:

>

> 1 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was

> having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that

> snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to

> death

> with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me

> to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an

> hour

> and throws snow all over everywhere I've just been! Tonight the wife

> wanted

> me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too

> busy watching for the goddamn snowplow.

>

> December 25:

>

> Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop

> tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.

> God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a

> donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have

> a

> bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's a

> Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

>

> December 26:

>

> Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.

> She's really getting on my nerves.

>

> December 27:

>

> Temperature dropped to -30°, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after

> 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my

> pipes.

>

> December 28:

>

> Warmed up to above -50°. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me

> crazy!!!!!

>

> December 29:

>

> 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.

> That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

>

> December 30:

>

> Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a

> million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying

> to

> shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother.

> 9" predicted.

>

> December 31:

>

> I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

>

> January 8:

>

> Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

>