honeyme's blog post - The contents of my mind

Well, Back before social media became the thing of the moment, I was quite the little blogger. Spilling the contents of my mind on to the page is quite cathartic. This is more for me than anyone else. If you happen to be reading this, welcome, and thank you for joining me on the ride.. your company is appreciated but not the main purpose of the exercise.
And a ride is exactly what this is. Having always been a sexual person, I have, for various reasons, found myself in a sex free state for close to 3 years now. That's very much by choice.. but this year I've made the decision to try to get back on that particular horse. And it's been quite the year of experiences in order to find myself a penis.. but as yet, I've been unsuccessful in my quest. What I have found though, is a fascinating insight into both my own mind and that of humans in general. There are many times recently I've thought to myself that I wish I could share these thoughts and views with someone, but I'm hardly about to tell my 'real world' that I've put myself out there all across the interweb in many different forms so I find myself keeping my thoughts inside. So thats exactly what this blog is, a record of my thoughts and feelings about my own sexuality, exhibitionism and a personal journey.
Interestingly, the time I find myself starting to want to write about it coincides with the time I've decided to stop the search for a good long while, to pause and take a breath. I've gained a lot of self confidence these past few months, and as I'm sure a lot of people here on NN find, putting your body out there and getting positive feedback is almost a life changing moment. However, the disconnection I feel is getting ever larger and the searching part of the process has been unfulfilling and left me feeling like I am hoping for too much. And for the record, I don't mean commitment, but I mean the connection, the addictive feeling of a brain clicking with another like mind. That's what I was looking for. I need my brain engaged long before my knickers come off.. Commitment is far from my agenda, I'm a strong, independent and fiercely private woman (ironic coming from the girl who has just started to show her face online!) I'm self sufficient and actually rather introverted, with an emphasis on needing plenty of 'me' time. But there's room in my life for someone to share some great moments with and that's what I was hoping to find.
There have been a lot of men to whom I've mentioned how long I've been single for and they all express surprise that someone as "stunning" as me could be single. (Funny the compliments a lot of men can find when they want into your pants!) And its true, if it was a cock to fill my hot tight little hole I was after, I'm sure I could have found more than one.. I've 'auditioned' enough along the way.. But I'm holding out for that spark that lets me know I've met a like mind and that this spark could ignite a fire. But for now.. the search for that is very much on hold.