howlin's blog post - random thoughts

So for the last week or so I've been dealing with an ear ache and as much as I like to come off a hard ass biker when it comes to a cold, flu etc fuck it I'm a whiner what can I say but I realized during the time spent sitting around alone no phone no tv no interruptions that just maybe I've made it

My life has been hard at times and mostly by my own bad decisions and things I'm not proud of but in some crazy way they helped make me who I am today, who I want to be, who I've yearned to be, who I am, and now priorities seem to have came in order, I've beat drug addiction, alcoholism, and in general the wrong lifestyle that few sadly survived, am I proud of it? depends on how you look at it I suppose I'm proud that I've out ran some of the bad but in a strange twist proud that I experienced it because it made me who I am

I've came to understand that Family is who you love not necessarily people who share the same blood type as me, I have Brothers I'll wade through hell for and and Family I'd stop at nothing to protect and at the same time a select few that will never be off my revenge list until I make my own judgement and payback and only then can I be at peace with that.

I've learned its not always my place to bring people of false pretenses to light and how the impact of their own actions are far greater by letting them expose themselves to others than anything I or anyone else can do or say to expose them for who or what they really are

Most of all I've learned what the true meaning of the word "love" really means on many different levels and in different situations how it can be applied, I always had a hard time telling someone I loved them and my biggest regret today is not saying it enough when I should have, this applies mostly to my Father who I lost years ago but I make up for that today with him and many others when an unpredictable wind blows or when sitting alone outside a single bird lands close by and oddly enough when I look down and find a stray coin or nail Its their way of saying "I'm still here and never really left you" I just smile inside and say "Love you too"

Looking back at my life I know after all I've done good and bad I'm in a much better place now than I've ever been, the shakes of addiction have subsided now and the nightmares and sleepless nights of memories from my past aren't as frequent as they once were and I can now surround myself with real people who love me for me and not what I have to offer them is the best feeling in the world

Have I gone soft? that makes me laugh that some will think that and the best answer will be just try me and see or ask any Brother that knows me and see what they have to say about that *still laughing* better yet hurt someone I care about or a child or be dumb enough to lay hands on a woman and you'll know the answer sooner than later

Whats important to me now rarely entered my mind before and I don't take things for granted like I once did, hard living in years past have left their marks on me and today I pay that price for not being very smart and self medicating or not seeking proper treatments for them and let me be the first to tell you it sucks!

Life is good for me I have a woman who loves me for me and that alone is priceless, I have great friends some of which are reading this right now and even my enemies keep a lookout for me, (also some of which are reading this right now lol) so either way its a win

The way I see it is life is really simple once you stop over thinking it, love yourself but love others more, fight for whats important but make others battles your first priority,dont be too quick to judge but dont be fooled, and the one thing I've always lived by thats never let me down, Dont mistake kindness for weakness....

Well enough random thoughts from the hillbilly, stay safe, stay healthy and most of all stay in touch..laters ya'll