Tuesday was my mother's 83rd birthday and it was at best a bittersweet time, Sug reminded of her special day and insisted we have a gift of some kind to give her, on the way she stopped by a store and bought her a blanket as she is always cold it seems and was a very fitting gift for her, she was having supper when we arrived and we had to wait about an hour before seeing her during which time I stood in mom's room and thought about my life spent with her which for the most part wasn't good I must say, this may sound a little bit confusing to those of you that know me and know the sacrifices both I and sugar have made for her but in all honesty I have to say none of it was done solely for her, you see before my dad passed away he asked for my word that I would do my very best to look after her which I have done to the best of my ability. My mother was a very abusive person all my life not so much physically but mentally and I could never quite figure out if she used her words loosely without thought or had she chosen them very carefully to get the full impact of what she said and just didnt care about the pain and scarred memories she inflicted on me as both a child and a man, at 13 she told me on many occasions that it was never her intentions to have me that I was nothing more than a mistake that she had to bare, at 22 during my first marriage she would constantly tell me to never give her grandchildren with the whore I married,more forgotten birthdays and Christmas's than I ever cared to count, and even now as a man Ive heard more times than I want to think about that she never really did love me, these are just a few things that stand out on a list of many,I have bought her a house, land, furniture, given her a substantial amount of money over the years brought her into our home for 19 months the list goes on but I guess looking back it was all in hope of some type of acceptance maybe I dont know, but as I was visiting I had a thought, I'm pretty sure she didnt know either of us when we were there or even understood it was her birthday so maybe thats gods way of protecting someone who has acknowledge their actions and has been forgiven for them, doesnt seem fair really but then what is ya know, then again maybe its all for the best because if anything its taught me to love and appreciate whats really important in life the things money and material things cant fix and thats the feeling of receiving non stop unconditional love from someone that expects nothing in return,I'm a blessed man to have been given the chance to have Sugar in my life and to make memories daily with her and for all the times in my life I felt pain she suppresses it with mountains of love.so to my mom and anyone else in the world that thinks I can be stung with actions and words I now have a shield of protection from all that can be thrown at me and am succeeding in shedding bad memories with new ones |