janjonhen
Gift PremiumI'm a happy, bubbly blonde, in a happy stable relationship just missing a regular bi girlfriend. Guys -I'M NOT INTERESTED!!!!!
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- 65 years old
- Female
- Joined 18 years ago
- 3,115 views
janjonhen's Blog
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Thursday, August 31, 2006, 9:44:11 AM- About me, who I am and what I'm looking for | ||||||
Hi, I thought I'd take advantage of the sun not shining today to tell any of you who's nothing better to do than to read this, a little of what makes me who and what I am today. I was adopted as a child by a Policeman and his family as they wanted a daughter to go alongside their sons, and had a truly "Victorian" upbringing, and was no stranger to harsh punishment, both physical and mental. My parents did not in their terms abuse me, but being teenager in the seventies was a very difficult time for me, especially always being reminded by my parents that I was not their real daughter and that I should feel indebted to them for all they had done for me. I left home at sixteen and stupidly moved in with and later married the first man who showed any interest in me. After a few months the adventure began to sour, and although I was to stay married for nearly 25 years until the death of my late husband I always felt empty inside. Although a professional man, my husband quickly became addicted to smoking dope, and it rapidly became the be all and end all of his life. He lost all interest in me, sexually and mentally, but would have been unable to survive without me, so he manipulated things to his own ends. Having been told, day after day, week after week and year after year, that I was a fat, ugly, useless lump and that he was the only one that would ever contemplate having me, I ended up becoming that very woman. Even though I worked full time I was allowed no money of my own, couldn't buy decent clothes, go to the hairdresser or have any friends of my own. We went out together once a week, to the supermarket, and I spent my weekends cooking, cleaning and washing, whilst he sat in front of the TV, or went out with his friends. Towards the end of his life I worked in London and commuted by an hour and a half each way by train every day. Getting on the train at 6:30 every morning turns us all into creatures of habit, and robotically every day all us commuters sat in the same seats on the same train. I used to sit next to this really lovely guy, slim, broad shoulders, dark haired, gorgeous eyes, and we used to nod to each other every morning and evening. One morning my train man fell asleep next to me and as he slept his head rested on my shoulder and when he finally awoke he was profuse in his apologies and from then on we chatted every day. My God, did I fancy him, but I knew I had no chance, even if I'd been single, after all, nobody would ever want me, that I knew. The train man seemed genuinely interested in me as over time I told him a little of my unhappy situation, and every morning I couldn't wait to get on the train to see him. Then my husband fell ill with terminal cancer and I told the train man I was giving up work to stay home and nurse him through his last few months, and we exchanged numbers on my last day, and I went home in tears, knowing I'd never see him again. Nursing my husband through his last few months was hell, and sometimes when I'd lie awake at night listening out for the sounds of my husbands breathing I'd guiltily think of my train man and of how life might have been with him. A few months after my husband died my phone rang one evening. It was the train man, he'd heard that I was a widow, and he was ringing to ask if I was OK, and if there was anything he could do for me. I said he could do one thing for me, take me to lunch one day,and he said fine, of course he would. So I arranged to meet him at one o'clock in a pub near me the following Saturday which he said would be fine even though I knew he lived 20 miles from me. So, that Saturday as I drove to the pub, I knew I'd be stood up, after all it was an awful day, raining, blowing a gale, and so cold. But there he was standing waiting for me in the carpark, soaking wet just because he didn't want me to walk in alone. He and I stayed there until late in the evening and he listened to me burbling along about god knows what for hours on end. As we were finally leaving I blurted out that I thought he was lovely and that I really wanted to see him again, and he just smiled and said he'd call me. Driving back home I was cursing my stupidity knowing that I'd probably blown any faint chance I had there and then. Strangely, he did ring me later that night, and Johnnie and I have been together ever since, and how he's totally changed my life. With his encouragement I swiftly went from being size 16 to size 12 (on a good day lol), no diet, just eating less of all the same stuff, now I have no need to comfort eat as I used to though. He made me my first ever hair appointment as a surprise and seems still to take great delight in stuffing my wardrobe full of nice clothes and sexy shoes! Even now, I've only ever made love with 5 men in my entire life, but no one could ever be as good a lover as Johnnie, and in so many places and ways too! Early on he guessed I had bi tendencies, so with his support I've been able to explore that part of me too. I love the way he still wants to photograph and video me, amd I enjoy the fact that I'm able to arouse some people (I think). I wanted to try meeting other couples, no problem said Johnnie and we met some really nice people, but no man has, or ever will, be able to turn me on, and I was never comfortable about going other men, only with the girls was I happy.So sorry guys, I think we'll never be more than friends, but friends are important, and just because I don't want sex with you doesn't mean I don't care for you. So, what of the future, well, Johnnie and I will grow old disgracefully together, and we'll carry on doing everything in our lives as we do now, two people as one. Then maybe one day I'll meet a girl who I'll love and will love Johnnie too, and we'll share our love with her, time will tell | ||||||
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