Ok, you're going to love this.
Yesterday afternoon I have this lovely older couple stop by the farm. They had purchased several goats from the previous owner and wondered if I still had goats here. Of course I do so they politely and beseechingly requested that I take a goat of theirs because they've moved to a condo and can't keep it. Mario is so sweet, already neutered and they really want to see him in a good home with other goats around.
Sucker that I am I tell them it's fine and they can drop him off whenever they want. So off they go in their cady to get Mario. About an hour or so later they show up with Mario in the back seat. This is not a small goat. This is a huge goat. His shoulders are probably even with ribs. His head is about as high as my shoulders. I know I'm only about 5' tall but that is still one leggy goat.
So, we put him in the pasture with my girls. Mario is freaking out...can't understand what the hell is going on. He's singing Talking Heads...How did I get here? This is not my house...
Mario, clever boy that he is, finds the one spot that has no fence and takes off into the woods. I figure, and tell the others, don't worry, he can't go far I'm ringed by water and they don't like to get into water. Plus, he'll want to be with the other goats because they're herd animals. Which is generally true.
Well, Mario never came home. Mario decided to cross the water and try hanging out on the state highway! Today a state trooper came to my house and politely requested my assistance in corraling Mario. The animal control officers had been out there for an hour trying and couldn't get him. Now mind you, this goat doesn't know me from Adam so had no inclination to wait for me to leash him.
First try out I had my foster son, who is 3, with me. I can't go running around in the woods as I leave him in the truck on the side of the highway! So, we come up with another plan and I go back home and try to get him to take a nap...yeah right.
Finally my neighbor shows up and I leave him with her and off I go back to the state highway to try to get Mario.
The animal control officer had decided to give up so I'm alone with my dog. I figured I would try to flush it back to the pasture with the dog. Wasn't happening. What did happen was my boot got stuck in the mud, my foot came out and I stepped knee deep in muck. The dog decided to do something else and the goat decided to go back towards the highway. This is just as well because I'm no more than 20 feet into my 20 acres and I'm already scratched all over and bit by May Flies. Luckily, there's a guy fishing in the pond that abuts our property and Mario has taken a shine to him.
I politely asked the young pup to grab the collar and sweet thing that he was he helped me out. He managed to grab Mario's collar so I got the dog past him and then walked back to transfer the leash to the goat. So far so good. Well, goats don't much cotton to being led around so it was a tug of war back to the truck. I think I pulled a shoulder muscle but hey it's all par for the course. Got the dog back in the truck...now, what to do with the goat. Holding the collar, I pull the leash off and loop it through a tie down in the bed. I relatch the leash to the collar and then calmly tell the goat he's going for a ride. Usually you can just lift the front legs onto the bed then push on the back and up they go. Not so with Mario...he was not cooperating. And he's heavy. So after about 15 minutes of that I just said "you know what Mario, I offered you a f..ing ride, you don't want it...walk!" And off I rode down the state highway and back to my house at about 1 mile an hour dragging a goat behind the truck.
He's back now and in a secure pasture. Mario won't be doing anything but being a bun buddy for my non neutered boys now. And as for me...its Miller time! | 
