I've never had this issue before...but the one I'm committed to, the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I can't make it cum in my mouth. I can't make him cum with just oral sex. He can only do it if he helps or watches porn. When he fucks me, it's no issue...but, I can't suck dick?

To me, it feels like he'll think about all the other chicks that could do that for him. He says its no issue...but it is to me. Help! What am I doing wrong?

Why do I keep finding myself here? I'm sitting in the emergency room because the dude I been fucking with got arrested on an outstanding warrant. So I grab all his shit...and his phone. I'm not the nosey type, but this is like do or die. I turn on his phone...it ain't locked. Awww... It usually is. Sure nuff. He is cheating on me. But not with one girl... Some girls. And he has ANOTHER son. No wonder his mom is so angry. No wonder. All I can hear is Keyshia Cole's I shouldve cheated. But you know I was close to doing the damn thing... But I was never in love with anyone. I was never in love with anyone else. But its coo... I knew it wasn't gonna last. But I never know ... Man. So he got the diabetes and after he got arrested they brought him here. I tried to slide in to see if I can get him this special brownie and maybe a little dome, but of course, no visitors. Lol. Man. Motherfucker hand cuffs are in possible. I seriously considered getting arrested tonight. Would have been a nice break. Man. Anyway, I'm about to do some fasting and praying so I can get my life together. I keep fucking with the wrrroooooonnnnnng niggahs.

I'm two days late from it being exactly a year ago I posted. I mostly stopped because I had a hard time with privacy. Anyway. Lots of happened... Maybe. I think I'm just super glad to be back...

Uhh... Maybe I will have better pictures. I love my smartphone...

It's just a season, but that's one thing about seasons... They're dependable, they always come back. Ive had a lot a lot lot lot of bad luck lately, but am thankful for my life and my fam. And nn... Lol. It's been keeping me wet and entertained. Theres this one couple that enjoys sharing their love and life...but so others can look. No touching...that's what I want. I want to think about other girls, the gang bangs, parties, etc, but I don't think I want to participate. I want a partner I can share my life with... That will explore with me... But ultimately belong to each other. I found him. And he's got a life... And I want to wait for him... I want to wait for him.

And this other cat... Id like him to leave me alone. My body aches...

aww, he makes me happy. he doesn't even realize the control he has over me. he's a breath a fresh air, when i feel like im suffocating.

and then i hurt myself again, going back to something i dont want to see. it hurts me...i feel used. im already broken... fuck.

he makes me happy...and doesn't even know it.

*wondering how my sailor looks...*

it's so slow at work right now, but im not complaining. there is actually alot i can do...but am not. still thinking about that tattoo...

I need a dog and a gigantic tattoo. That will solve my life's mundance petty problems. A dog will love me, even though I'm all effed up. He doesn't know better...and I need a tattoo...because it's a good reason to cry. It's like a tough reason...but I want a big one...and do a little a day. Lol. Now what to get...

it's like the most pleasurable unhealthy healthy hurtful thing...and yet i keep doing it. its destructive. i want to stop, but can't. and when i start...i can't stop. he makes me feel so good, but between the spells im dying. i try to fix it with little things here and there...but he's all i think about it. why am i addicted? i've never even tasted him before. he makes me feel like im the only one...even if im not i dont care, but he makes me feel like it. someone buy me a ticket out of here...

Really enjoying all the free time I have to do what I want..instead of working. Although, my bag doesn't feel so heavy. I saw there's an app to help you confess. Wow. And Verizon released the new iPhone 4G. Very tempted...but I want an android incredible, for sure. So this dude I like to play with, but he's like super busy and has tons of kids...and lives 3 hours later...ughh, it's frustrating. I like to leave him alone, because it helps me remain sane. Then he texts me, "Do you tilt your head left or right when kissing?" And that was the end of it...I said, right. I'm not so sure anymore. Anyone reading wanna test it out... Anyway, I had stuff to say, but obviously not important enough to remember. Peace be with you. Oh and my hair is green and yellow (and black).

I feel like I'm gonna dry out. I wish I had a steady "friend", but I get soooo shy. By the time I'm ready to meet someone, they've gone tired of me...or it's time for me to get ready for something else. Ughhh...Maybe if I had someone steady, that could host...and I wouldn't have this drying out problem. Lol!

Toys are getting boring... =)