lil sis's blog post - Masturbation 4/4/06

i have not been masturbating much lately. i respect Sir, and honor His request for me not to orgasm without His permission. i love pauline and was a bit guilt ridden enjoying the pleasures life has to offer me when she is in such pain. i know she wants me to have fun and pleasure even if she is unable to at this time. We talked about it and i feel better about my desires. Now i only have to deal with sleeping all snuggled up against her sexy, hot body and wanting to jump her bones, when she is to hurt to be jumped. LOL

When i came home from the doctors office, Sir said he was proud of me and granted me permission to have as many orgasms as my little heart desired until i went to sleep last night. You would think i would jump to it, caressing my fold and stroking my tiny nub to exhaustion, as i have done in the past, bit i did not. i was excited and wanted to use this gift to the fullest, but it was more important to me right then to talk to pauline.

i wanted to fill her in on what the nurse had told me and discuss my future health care. This has become more important to me then my own pleasure. i don’t know when that happened. i have changed so much since Sir and pauline have begun showering their love on me. i want to be worthy of that love and healthy enough to enjoy it for a long, long time.

i pondered this after i left pauline in the bedroom to rest. In the past, i would have wanted to jerk my cloths off and begin to use myself in the most debase methods available to me. i have two vibrators. One of them is generally penis shaped and has a variety of sleeves with bumps or anal probes etc,. It serves it’s purpose. The other is bigger. It is a personal massager that has a rechargeable battery. The head of this thing is about the size of my fist. It has 2 settings and nubs on the edge.

i would have used them both for hours before i came to the loving place i am in now. i would have found demented and pain filled ways to abuse myself to the fullest extent of my imagination, but i realized something important.

i realized i need love. i need to be able to give it freely and to receive it back with out condition. i found Sir and pauline and am the happiest i have been in my life.

Sir and pauline feed my cravings for pain, but in a more controlled environment that will not get out of hand. He requires that i have a safe word and reads my body so well i don’t think i will ever need it. His insistence that i have one just shows me that He cares. He also feeds my desire to be loved, so much so, that my cravings and desire for the constant sexual gratification, has diminished. i still love sex, masturbating, and orgasm, but in this new loving relationship, they are not the total focus.

This love is a well rounded balanced healthy environment. No one thing has the total focus all the time except me, all of me. i don’t mean to sound selfish or self centered here. i mean that Sir and pauline focus their love on me as a whole. They don’t love me because i am a good lay, or because i dress funny, or because i am tiny, they love the whole package. They simply love me, for who i am. i love them for who they are and the circle of love is complete and grows stronger with each sharing and gift of love we exchange.

So when Sir granted me permission to masturbate and cum freely through the day, used myself to my own great pleasure, but not, to the surprise of all three of us, to the extent of abuse. i never turned on either of my vibrators. i did not need them. i was so sensitive from not continually touching myself that just the gentle caress of my fingers was enough to send my body into the zone. i did not have to self fist, or cause my self any sort of pain to find release. That is what Sir and pauline’s love has done for me.

When we climbed in to bed and were snuggled in for the night. pauline reached between my legs and began rubbing my already sensitive clit. She brought me to climax quickly and another soon eclipsed as Sir began pinching my nipple. i bucked and grinded against Him as i was overwhelmed with passion and was rewarded quickly by the feel of His powerful erection pressing into my throbbing puss. i was totally satisfied last night and slept like a baby. i thanked Sir and pauline for the beautiful gift they have given me before drifting off.

i love you Sir and pauline. i can not tell you both that enough. i am so free and empowered by your love, i don’t even have to be submissive to my own body. Funny to say, but true.