It has been awhile a long while since I've done my first blog.
I've been divorced for 4 years now. I have gone out on a few dates. I guess I'm scared (yes scared) of getting into another relationship that will leave me physically hurt.
I would rather be alone than be in the relationship again.
I have recently starting to someone who gives me alot of compliments! I am not used to that at all. See I was raised by an alcoholic father who was also physically, mentally and sexually abusive to me. When I was 15 and all my friends were going out on dates I wasn't allowed. I was attacked in my own neighborhood and set up and when I was 16. I got engaged when I was just 18 for 3 years. He was mentally abusive and had put me down all the time and yes he physically abusive at times. I married an alcoholic and 3 beautiful kids. I was married but felt more like single mom. He didn't want to do anything with. He just wanted to sit and drink. My youngest son wanted to be fireman for the longest time. We spent each weekend at the fire department. All through our relationship he would tell me what I wanted to hear to shut me up in his words.
The last couple of years he started drinking more and more and ignoring me. He punched me in the face and left a bruise on my cheek the first time and the second left 8 or 9 bruises and sprained arm and elbow. I called 911 and he jumped in the car on top of me and was punching me while I was on the phone. He was arrested and served 45 days. The next week I filed for divorce and had my divorce 4 months later.
I am not used to being called beautiful, sexy or being told I had the body of a goddess. This man that I have started talking to has made me feel at ease and comfortable talking to him. I am guarded because I don't want to get hurt. I know what I want in a man and relationship. If you want to love me from head to toe but that's fine with me! And you know who you are! I'm not used to getting attention willingly, I'm used to fighting for it and still not getting it. So be patient I can be shy at first while we get to know each other.
Well it is time for bed. Have to be up early for work in the morning. Good night. | 
