Hello you...
A bit low at the moment, so am drinking too much and looking at some "interesting" porn!
"Mandy" has re-appeared, as you'll probably already realised, and am having some very "different" ideas about sex.
When I cross dress I think about sex with men...I'm not gay, of that I'm sure. I love my girlfriend very, very much, but her sex drive isn't a match for mine, but that usually isn't a problem. However, she's not been well recently and, understandably, sex has been off the menu. This means that I get VERY frustrated, and when we're not together I dress up and check out the more extreme web sites...
When I'm Mandy I fantasise about sex with two or more men, and use dildos to simulate real dicks. The fantasies usually involves rough sex, bordering on xxxxxxxxxx, as I imagine my "boyfriend" returning home drunk with a friend (or more) and fucking me against my will.
When I'm fantasising I don't think about what may lie behind this activity, but when I'm "me" I do wonder. I've been into anal sex, as in inserting objects, from quite an early age; I think from around 11 or 12. I do sometimes wonder if I was abused in some way at an early age that I can no longer remember, or don't want to. I used to have a recurring dream about being led by the hand by the moors murderers, Brady & Hindley, who committed there hideous crimes around where I was raised. Surely not...
Or it may be down to my depression. I've suffered this FUCKING terrible affliction on and off since I was around 13, and sometimes I think that the self abuse is a way of punishing myself, as I do suffer incredibly low self esteem when I'm down. Besides the "" fantasies as described above I do stuff like drink my own cum and piss and very occasionally play with my shit and imagine having sex with "non humans".
Sorry if this has upset you, but you want to see it from my side. thinking about it, you really don't...
Take care,
Mx
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