michael1's blog post

O x y m o r o n s for 2007

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1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks







Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment
when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue
playing until Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Ok, me lads,"
someone has to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Liam Gallagher picks the short one. They tell
him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet.
Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me"

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs.
Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares:

"Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home"

"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife.
"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.

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A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise"

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as

the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly

and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid

slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and

again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening,

and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

Ah... So sorry," says the waiter, "we got the wrong order, would you mind Peeking Duck??"


laugh well/ love well/ live well