misterious6999's blog post - Breaking my virginity

ok, so not that kind of virginity that went a long time ago.

Some random thoughts by me, as I'm a guy this won't get any airtime so its kinda my own little note to myself.

I'm a little lost right now, I have a couple of very close friends online who've I've known for a long time and both of them are going through some serious shit in their real lives and I'm somehwat helpless to offer any real assistance.

A lot of people would never understand how you can be so close to "online" people without meeting them in real life that often and I'd probably find it quite hard to explain but they're important, very important to me, albeit in different ways.

As I've got older I've realised I'm a carer, I love to look after people and keep them safe, it doesn't matter who they are its what make me feel happy inside. Maybe thats what attracts me to being a dominant, not the domination as such but feeling like I can keep someone safe. Then something comes along that I can't control or influence and that virtual stack of cards comes tumbling down and you realise the limitations of an online friendship.

So here I sit, lost, concerned and without that constant ego boosting of being able to make someone's life happier. My Leo personality is deflated but my constantly driving sexual needs still nagging at me like a limb detached but still kicking.

Which is another thing, why on earth does my mind always stick with sensuality. Its not like a constant need for sex (I haven't had penetrative sex for over 5 years) and oddly that doesn't bother me. Its like an addictive need to feel someone's pleasure, to know that I've made someone happy. Its like a drug.

I'm an addict for sure, I'm just not so sure about what I'm addicted to!

D