mlbh's blog post - Someone please tell me this crappy dating is going to be worth it in the end???

Wednesday, February 3, 2010, 11:57:08 PM

Let me apologize ahead of time...this is going to be a rant!!

I'm so mad right now I could strangle someone!!! Not easy to make me that angry...I'm usually a pretty happy person.

This internet dating crap is going to kill me though! I just hope that eventually I'm going to find what I'm looking for, and what I deserve and it will have all been worth it!

After a very brief relationship crashed and burned back in November I decided I needed to take a break from dating for awhile. A few weeks ago I decided to give it another try.
So I started talking to this guy and he seemed great. I like to email a few times then move on to talking on the phone until I feel comfy with the person and feel like there's enough there to bother meeting.
So I was supposed to meet this guy for lunch last week...however I had to cancel when my uncle passed away. I just wasn't in a good place to meet someone for the first time. He was very nice about it and more than happy to reschedule for lunch today.

So today we meet for lunch. It was okay, pleasant...but it was obvious that neither of us were attracted or interested in taking it further. And that's okay. I'm a big girl and I know that not everyone is going to be attracted to me and vice-versa. I was okay with it.

UNTIL...I got an email from him after lunch that said "Thanks for lunch. It was nice to meet you. I need to tell you that I met someone last week and it feels really good. I want to give her all my attention now. I wish you the best of luck though."

WTF?!?! Now I'm just totally pissed off because he wasted my time! Am I wrong for being so mad?

The way I see it...if he really did meet someone last week he shuld have been honest and told me that before lunch. Then I could have made the decision whether to go or not.
And if he didn't really meet someone and it was just his way of "letting me down easy" then he needs to grow a pair.

I honestly would have preferred no email at all!!! Since I wasn't attracted to him either, when I got back to my office I told my friend about it and told her it was a "wash"...no big deal...just didn't feel any chemistry or attraction. Like I said, I could tell that feeling was mutual, and I'm okay with that.
I'm NOT okay with him going into it knowing he already had someone and he was wasting my time!!!!

Really??? Am I being unreasonable?

I'm telling you...this dating business is challenging! Then people wonder why some seem so angry and jaded. Umm...it's because we have to put up with endless amounts of crap like this. UGH.

WHERE IS MY MR.RIGHT!??!?!?!?!

If you got this far...Happy Wednesday

Comments

Others Have Said:

Sandman on 4-Feb-10 2:24:23

Rant ... Yup, that was a good one !

Now gives yourself a smile, you'll be just fine pretty lady :)

GThreepwood on 4-Feb-10 10:23:48

Awww. Relationships suck! Better just be a miserable perpetually depressed loner like the undersigned crazy finnish guy. Or not. :D

Well, here's to hoping that you'll find that Mr. Right some day.

gogol4 on 5-Feb-10 6:47:11

Dating sucks ass M. It seems it is an endless game of disappointments. I am fucking fed up with it, but I keep at it. What he did was shitty as you said on 2 levels. Fuck his shit.

guitartxn on 6-Feb-10 16:05:41

Dateing is one the hardest things we do.We put ourselves out there constantly ...knowing full well we could be broken hearted.I have been thru it and hate it...but i still at least try...it dont make it any easier. Sorry to hear about your uncle btw ...<<hugs>>> wish i could be more a comfort ,i always liked chatting with you! you take care sweety...message me sometime xxx

wankoff on 19-Jun-10 2:04:43

I can see why you've got upset but I would suggest you take a step back. Internet dating,emails & texts are a whole new ball game in human relations -especially for anyone over 35.( Who haven't grown up with it being the norm) It is a new game with different rules. Before a date would start with meeting the person-at a party etc. You could weigh each other up with our programmed instincts (check out his bulge;) before you swapped numbers. Our expected etiquette of communication usually applied (talk-phone calls etc) Now the meet follows filters. Profiles, emails, texts, phone. All of these allow more bullshit to enter the process and make it harder to see the wood from the trees. - But you do it too - by selling who you are -or who your want to come across as- in profiles etc. This is all spin to wade through. Nightmare IMHO. -Conversely,if you meet a guy socially, good chance you'll know pdq if he is married, already got a girlfriend or is trouble... On the internet..Oh boy!
In your case, the guy might not have had the same pov as you that it was going nowhere. If he had had another date, it might have only been after yours that he made up his mind ( sorry don't want to hurt your ego). Or she may have emailed him for another meet while you were at lunch.Whatever! Also- remember internet dating is a numbers game for many, precisely because it is so hard to weigh people up remotely, many people are trawling through dates as so many are instant misses on that first meet.

The two things that stick out as shoddy- but all too common are a) if you are going to let someone down speak to them! Emails & texts are just rude. As are answerphone message brush offs. (Call me old fashioned) b)giving some excuse-any excuse- in this case a pretty crass insulting one- by men for calling it off is just bollocks. You've only just met why give you that crap, or any crap? Nice meeting you,but.. would do fine. By phone or at the end of the date.
I've got friends who have had dates who had brothers killed in car crashes, had to go back home abroad because their mothers dying.., who suddenly get offered ajob in another town that starts on Monday.. Sure this happens, but not that often and not that conveniently.
This guy possibly was trying to save his ego by blowing that you weren't his only shot- His problem. It might be his stock adios. Who cares.

Set your expectations low, don't believe anything anyone tells you online, expect brush offs by text & email. And have more dates. Yeah its crap. But is a game. New rules.

And you didn't waste your time- nor did he waste yours. Learning curve. You've gotta crack eggs to bake a cake.

Oh one final thing that struck me- if there was another woman from a previous date, he wasn't that enamoured of her nor she him, else they would have pursued it and he would have cancelled you. After all if you met me on a date wouldn't you?
I know I would!

docker32 on 25-Mar-11 6:48:43

Don't worry about it, I think he's the one who missed out after checking out your photos:). It'll probably take a while to find a decent one you like. Good Luck.

Tautology on 6-Apr-13 8:38:09

Appreciate that this was written some time ago. Hope you doing better on the dating front.