mrnmi's Blog
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Thursday, December 29, 2005, 4:27:35 AM- Bathroom Etiquette | ||||||
Whose idea was it antway to use blowers instead of towels for drying your hands in public bathrooms? lets see, you get your hands good and wet then walk across the room dripping water on the floor, leaving it for anyone to slip on. Then you press a big metal button that everyone else has pressed, and hot air blows most of the water off your hands and on to your expensive blue suede shoes and white linen pants. Now go back out into the fancy restaurant with spots on your clothes and hope that the drop dead gorgeous 6' sweedish runway model you somehow managed to get to go out with you on a once in a life time this is your only chance to impress her date doesn't notice and start laughing out loud or even worse trying to hold it back because she now knows what a dork you are. Oh, and be careful not to slip on the polished marble floor as you near your table walking backwards without your hands in your pockets because theyre still a little wet and might also leave fingerprints on your pockets when you slip them in to adjust your package so you wont accidentally let out a yelp when you try to sit down and feel the tip of your little buddy caught between the folds of your new boxers you bought just for this special occasion. Wouldnt towels just be easier? And while we re on the subject shouldnt there be a step inbetween peeing (or worse) and turning the water faucet on? I mean think of it. Some poor schlameil with gingivitis a runny nose and some gnarly venereal disease holds his pisser as he pees, sneezes as he zips up, gets a digit caught in the zipper (i ll let you decide which digit), draws blood sucks the blood off his finger on the way to the wash basin then reaches out with that same hand to turn on the tap. Hes now left any combination of germs, blood, snot, piss and spittle on the tap handle. Being a good boy he does wash his hands, but after running his bloody digit in the cold water, soaping up with plenty of lather and thoroughly rinsing all the soap blood snot spittle and excess pee off, he goes right back to that same handle to turn the water off. Hasnt the combination of germs at least some of them now been transferred back to his hands? Then when he presses that godam shiny button on the hand dryer hes transferred at least some of those germs on to the button, where theyll wait and fester until some unknowing schlmazel comes to dry his hands after washing and picks up those disgusting disabling diseases on what he thinks are his clean hands before going back to the table and wrapping his putrid hands around a big mac, corn on the cob or lobster tail. Then he eats the food. So ive always been thankful for those restaurants movie theaters and other public venues that have the motion dectectors on the toilet flush valve, wash basin tap and hand dryer/towel dispenser so none of them have to be touched. But you still have to grab onto the door handle! | ||||||
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Sunday, December 18, 2005, 5:29:47 PM- The Seven Questions | ||||||
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9." Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36." And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants." Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum." Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... " | ||||||
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