natmass0's blog post - What happened next...

It seems almost a lifetime ago (and as it turned out, it so very nearly was) that I was last here. In reality, it was actually just a few months ago but back then I simply couldn't have imagined what lay ahead.

To cut a long story short, I had an accident abroad that involved me hitting a wall with my lower back. It certainly hurt but nothing that seemed exceptional (I had had much worse accidents and pain before) and there was not a single mark, scratch or bruise on my body anywhere. So I got up and tried to ignore it. But it soon became clear that the abdominal pain was not subsiding and I was strongly advised to get it checked. I agreed and an ambulance was called which took me to the local hospital. Still not too concerned, I was more annoyed with the fact this was taking up time that I could have been enjoying myself.

But as more and more tests were done, ultrasound, x-ray and then CT scan; I began to realise that the staff had very serious expressions and that all was certainly not well. They told me that they couldn't believe what they were seeing and that this amount of damage (a grade 4 trauma) would normally need a high speed car crash or a gunshot wound!

As I now know, my left kidney had been degenerating for decades, due to an obstruction preventing it draining. This meant that although it was still working, it was weaker that it should have been and was sometimes under higher pressure. So my fairly minor knock, combined with the state of the kidney meant that it virtually exploded, rupturing and creating a huge haematoma full of blood and urine that could potentially cause serious damage to my other organs. Worst of all, this meant that no operation to repair anything would be realistic in the short term as the risk of disturbing the haematoma would be far too high. You can live fine on one kidney, and my other was totally ok, but any surgery would be a huge risk at that point. As one doctor said to me, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't.

They decided to keep me still and under observation overnight. However, when a night shift doctor came on duty, she realised that even that was a risk and it was much better to get me to an expert asap. This involved a rushed 100km ambulance ride through the night to a bigger hospital where I found a full surgical team waiting for me; they had been sent the CT images ahead and realised that action was needed urgently. They decided that the haematoma had to be dealt with immediately and everything else would have to wait. So I was rushed into an operating theatre where they attempted to insert a catheter into my kidney to release the pressure. When I awoke from the general anesthetic, they did not look at all happy and rushed me to have another CT scan so they could view what they had done. This showed the catheter was not in the correct position and so after a quick local anasthetic, they cut me open again, whilst I was still in the scanner, to adjust the catheter. A few iterations of scan, cut, adjust, sew took place until they thought they had finally got it right. It was at this time that they also discovered that there appeared to me no connection between the kidney and bladder; another issue for another day....

So essentially my survival depended on the pressure in the kidney and resultant haematoma slowly being released through the catheter. Certainly a lot of blood did appear to be draining though that pipe and they put me to bed (it was 3am by now) and basically said I could not move at all for a few days; even a cough could potentially be dangerous. Lying on your back, thinking the worst when you are alone in a foreign hospital is a truly frightening experience. Any sleep I managed to get was just a few minutes at a time.

But, four excrutiatingly long days later, I was still alive and so I was sent back for another CT scan and discovered that although the kidney was seriously fractured and was apparently not connected to the bladder, the swelling was much less so the late night procedure had worked and undoubtedly saved my life. I was then cleared to have an exploratory operation which took place 12 days after the accident. This was when they discovered the obstruction that I had always had without knowing.

In total, I spent 19 days in hospital, of which 16 days were flat on my back. I had been very lucky in my life previously and not really had any major health issues or any time in hospital so this was quite a revelation. It certainly gave me a lot of time to think. At the beginning, when I wasn't sure I was going to make it, one of the hardest things to accept was the fact that I wouldn't get the chance to say goodbye and thanks to so many awesome people for being a part of my life. So I promised myself that if I got the chance, I would definitely come back here to let you all know what an important part of my life this place has been.

The operation itself was an extremely stressful and emotional time; thank goodness for valium! But I have many other vivid memories of my time there; here are a few of the things that happened to me during my stay that will live with me for a long time to come, for a variety of reasons...


Bed baths: Being washed from head to toe daily by the nurses was certainly interesting! I certainly can't say it was unpleasant but the feeling of helplessness does get to you; I sometimes managed to persuade them to let me wash myself although they generally stood by watching!

Urinary catheter insertion: I'm sure many guys have had this done but my little friend had only been used for outbound traffic so far. The feeling of having lubricant pumped up then being "penetrated" by a plastic tube was quite a surreal experience. But as I had to stay in my hospital bed for 16 days, never feeling the need to urinate was certainly a blessing! The nurses accidentally pulling on the catheter when dressing me etc. was not quite so nice!

Shaving: before the op, all body hair had to removed between waist and thighs; this is not an experience I am used to but the speed and efficiency of the young lady with her razor all over my "personal area", had to be seen to be believed. And to her credit, I ended up completely bald down there and without any shaving cuts or razor burns. It didn't itch too much as it grew back either!

Intestine cleanout: again needed for the op; this consisted of having high power laxative inserted directly into the rectum and then not being allowed to "go" for at least 15 minutes. I managed half an hour, after which point the speed and power of the bowels emptying themselves was little short of explosive!

Abdominal injections: To prevent my blood clotting whilst in bed so long, I had to have daily injections close to the belly button. I can't write much more about these except to say "ouch".


After leaving hospital, I was given clearance to fly home a week later and since being back in the UK, I have made very many visits to a hospital here for tests and also to have the stent removed which was inserted during the operation. That required another general anaesthetic and they used that opportunity to get a camera into my kidney to see how things were. Although I am feeling much better now, the latest news I got is somewhat mixed. The kidney has repaired itself extremely well and there is no immediate danger. However, the underlying problem of the obstruction has not been cleared and so it looks like more surgery is on the cards. This was a real blow as I thought this whole chapter was finally coming to an end. I will have another test in a few months (I need a break from hospitals atm) and then will have to decide what to do..... In the mean time, the kidney is still slowly deteriorating even though I feel fine.

But the main reason for coming back here now is to say a huge thank you for the amazing support I received from NN whilst in hospital. Every single message meant more to me than you can possibly imagine and they were all read countless times whilst I lay there. There were too many to list everybody, but I simply can't not mention Whispy, Celti and LadyV. It is just not possible to exaggerate the kindness that these 3 showed me. When times are tough you could simply not ask for better friends than these; they truly got me through the whole frightening experience.

I also have to say that Tux and M&L went far beyond the call of duty with their kindness, and very special thanks to Roxy too for just being Roxy (truly an awesome human being). But as I said, every last message was appreciated so very much and every one of you has my deepest gratitude.

I also need to send sincere apologies to an unbelievably special friend that I walked away from long before this all happened. You are one of the loveliest people I ever met and I hope I didn't hurt you (it just kills me to think I did); all I can say is that rejection hurts so much and that being just friends with somebody you adore beyond words is so incredibly difficult and painful. But I do want you to know that not having your friendship was the hardest thing ever and I paid an enormous price for what I did. I expect you have forgotten all about me now but if you read this then I do sincerely hope you are happy. xx

So what next? NN will always hold a very special place in my heart. My life has changed in so many positive ways thanks to this site and some of the friends I have met on here are simply the most wonderful people I have ever known. But I do tend to be over sensitive and this place has also led to me getting badly hurt. Right now I need to concentrate on making a full recovery so please understand that I may not be back here that much for a while. I may post some more pics from time to time as I have always loved doing that. I don't look quite the same now but somebody told me recently that scars can look sexy so we will have to see what you think!

The main thing is that life is getting back to normal and I am actually feeling happy and positive again recently. If anybody does ever want to get in touch, messages can be sent via finnude on here, a guy that I feel very lucky and privileged to call a good friend. Anyway, until we meet again, (and with just a couple of exceptions! ), I love and miss you all.

xxxxx


My CT Scan; normal kidney shown on the left and the mess I made of the other side


All shaven for the op and with catheter inserted


After the op, drain and life saving catheter


My hand acting as a pseudo mouth!


Bandages from op and the catheter now closed off


The marks left from the attempts to insert the catheter into my side


The scars after the bandages were removed


The stent that was inside me for a few weeks