north and south's blog post - NEW GOVERNMENT GUIDELINES HAVE BEEN ISSUED FOR SCHOOL NATIVITY PLAYS

ATTENTION HEAD TEACHERS!
NEW GOVERNMENT GUIDELINES HAVE BEEN ISSUED FOR SCHOOL NATIVITY PLAYS

1. The Holy Family's journey to Bethlehem will NOT be mentioned, and neither will snide remarks be made about Dominic Cummings, eye tests or Barnard Castle.
2. 'No room at the inn' will be replaced with 'accommodation was limited because of strict adherence to social distancing regulations.'
3. A maximum of THREE shepherds will be abiding in the fields keeping watch over their flocks by night.
4. Whilst 'a multitude of the heavenly host' may be permitted in heaven, it would be advisable to state that only 'a quintet of the heavenly host' are permitted in the vicinity of Bethlehem.
5. The shepherds visiting the stable must wear masks, use hand sanitising gel on arrival, and must depart before the wise men appear.
6. In respect of the wise men, references to 'the East' are wholly unacceptable, as are allusions to camels.
7. It must be clearly stated that the wise men have observed a period of quarantine before visiting the infant Jesus.
8. The wise men should therefore arrive in a traditional manner, but strictly one at a time: specifically (i) one in a taxi (ii) one in a car (iii) one on a scooter, blowing his hooter.
9. They should also wear masks, and practice hand hygiene on arrival.
10. Gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh may NOT be brought into the stable. Instead it should be plainly said that the wise men will email a QR code to Joseph, so that their gifts can be collected from the nearest Amazon locker.