owbiglineman's blog post - Looking for thoughts

Monday, February 26, 2018, 2:21:55 AM

On attraction, love, etc.

I'm talking about actual relationships... the physical attraction is easy enough (I'm a guy, after all).

None of the women I've dated since my coworker have really lit me up, made me excited to date them. With her, I think I may have been falling for her before we started dating, because we talked so much. Once we started dating, she was the one I wanted to talk to first in the morning, and last at night. I want that feeling again. I have a friend now that I've thought about dating before. I was buzzed texting her Friday night (not in a booty call way), and we went to lunch yesterday. Nice time, we'll do it again, even if it's platonic. But I don't have that feeling, at least yet, of wanting to talk to her first and last in a day.

My debate with myself, I think in general, is that kind of attraction real? Is it more infatuation? I know relationships take work, that it's not always good times, that it isn't all lovey-dovey and Hollywood all the time. Is it different for me, do I need that kind of instant click to feel like I can open up? Something one woman said to me has stuck in my head, that she wished I was more comfortable with her. I think that was more of a statement on her specifically, than me in general. I wasn't into her. I will say it's possible that maybe I was guarded, and still could be, not wanting to be hurt again.

I could also just be looking for an ego boost. I'm not in a hurry to rush into bed, but I miss kissing, deep kisses, necking like teenagers (ok, a lot more skilled than that) kind of kissing, and hugging, and laying groundwork for more. Of course, it's nice to be found attractive, and maybe that's the thing, wanting that, that boost of being wanted.

This is my brain dump, as I try to sort out the dating world at almost 51, as I get healthier weight wise, which is helping me get healthier mentally. I know the future I want has a woman in it, if I can find her.

Open to thoughts and general comments. What worked for you in your relationships? Was it an instant attraction? Friends turning into something more? Is the spark still there if you've been together a long time?

Comments

Others Have Said:

Daffodil888 on 26-Feb-18 19:33:11

I think it's different for everyone in every encounter. I like instant sparks but friendship first and foremost. I like to take it slow, but with instant chemistry. Does that even make sense? For others, it's not so easy based on their life experiences, but in a relationship of mutual love and understanding, I think a friendship is necessary so the relationship or the marriage isn't just a chore, you know? That person isn't a warden or a hindrance, but a pleasure. So that you still want to tell that person everything and think about them when you wake up or go to bed, even if you are sleeping right next to them. You're a wonderful person, I'm certain if you keep on this journey as you are, you'll find the right lady to spend the next decades with. :)

owbiglineman on 27-Feb-18 2:39:28

That makes perfect sense to me. Geeeeeez, Daff, you know how to make a guy feel swell. ;) Thank you for the kind words; they truly mean a lot to me.

owbiglineman on 27-Feb-18 23:08:04

I'm feeling all this stuff this week. I have a chronological mind' I remember dates, especially ones that are important to me, very well. Today is 1 year since my coworker and I admitted our attraction for each other. Thursday will be 1 year since our first official date, talking for hours, kissing a lot, not wanting to say good night. I may be foolish, to think we could have stayed as close as we were. Maybe it just truly wasn't meant to be. Maybe I'm better off that we didn't get far in, and that saved me some pain. Maybe I built her up too much in my mind, and reality didn't match that picture. For sure, the reality sucked, with the heartbreak. Maybe I just want instant gratification and to move past all the work of finding someone new, and have her magically appear. I know life doesn't work that way. But I want to make up for lost time, for all those years I wasn't healthy, physically or mentally, and all those times I felt so alone and lonely.