HOW TO KEEP YOUR MAN FAITHFUL AND SHUT HIM UP SIMULTANEOUSLY

This is not a complex idea or a complicated theory.
Ladies: your life could be improved immeasurably by giving your man more hand jobs. It’s as simple as that.
The hand job is the sex act you don’t even need to be ‘in the mood’ for. You don’t really need to think about it and you can even do it while you’re doing something else, like listening to your iPod, watching TV or even talking on the phone.
Most men need to cum more often than most women and, if they can’t get it from you, they may decide not to masturbate. After all, they’ve been masturbating since they were teens and they may be bored of their own touch.
Yes, that’s right, ladies: if he can’t get it from you, he may go out and get it from someone else. Whether chatting-up another women or paying an escort, this will take money out of the family budget. Money he could be spending on YOU!
Always keep a bottle of baby oil (or whatever lubricant you use) in the bedroom plus a full box of man-size tissues. That way, you can masturbate him when you don’t feel like sex or don’t feel like supplying him with a blow job.
If you have the time and inclination, you might want to indulge in some hand job foreplay; running your finger (and nails) in and around the genital area. Softly coaxing the penis to a harder erection and gently squeezing the testicles.
When a guy is masturbating, it may appear vigorous but, after years of practice, you can be assured he is not squeezing tight. The penis can get very hard but it is not rubber or plastic like your vibrator.
Make sure you don’t pull and cause pain! Ensure you are massaging. After all, your hand is meant to simulate the walls of your vagina.
Try to stimulate the testicles and, with a very lubricated finger, he might appreciate you tickling his anal passage and even penetrating it by half an inch or so.
Once he has cum, DON’T keep rubbing! At this point, the penis is very sensitive and he will just want to enjoy his orgasm.
And, best of all, once most men have cum, they will turn over and go to sleep.
Don’t even ask if he wants to be jerked-off. He may appreciate you being pro-active. When he comes to bed, tell him to stay naked and lie on his back. Even if he’s tired, a man is unlikely to turn down a hand job! And, even if he isn’t horny, this will hopefully keep his ass quiet for the next 24 hours.
If you are masturbating him and he’s unable to cum, you may have to add some additional stimulus to the package, like telling him a fantasy, sucking his balls, sticking your pussy in his face or playing one of his favourite porn DVDs? Over time, you will find little tricks that you know get him off.
Men think about sex when they need to cum but, if they don’t need to cum, their thoughts will turn to other essential matters (football, beer, cars etc.)
If you’re horny and you’ve got the energy to fuck: then all well and good, but if you want to keep him happy and keep him quiet, this most basic of sex acts should do the trick.

CRAVINGS

Some people crave chocolate.
Some people crave steak.
Some people crave a stiff drink.
They can taste it on their tongue and they yearn for it, like a long-lost love.
Cravings can drive you mad. Ask any pregnant woman! A pregnant woman’s cravings are powerful and totally ridiculous, mixing unusual combinations of food at all hours of the day.
Me? The only thing I crave is the taste of a vagina.
It totally distracts. Stops me dead in my tracks. Even in the face of a vital deadline, the thought of cunnilingus will send me off into a daydream.
With my face between a woman’s legs, like Alice In Wonderland, I am transported to a fantastic parallel universe. For me, the odour and taste of a vagina are like the wildest hallucinogenic drug. You can lose me down there for ages!
I enjoy sucking the inner and outer lips; I enjoy sliding my tongue into the groove and lapping up the juice. I enjoy pushing back the hood and sucking the clit. I enjoy a woman’s response. Her moans. The way her body tenses then relaxes. I enjoy her squirt. I enjoy her hands clamped around my head. Her nails gripping my shoulders. I enjoy her rapid breathing and breathlessness.
Once I know I am about to make love, my head cannot get there fast enough! Women are shocked! They are so used to having their own head pushed in the general direction of a penis!
If you want to fellate me, that would be nice but it’s not necessary. Believe it or not, I am more than happy just to make you cum and, if possible. I’d love to do it with my mouth.
On occasions, after orgasm, women have said to me, “Okay, I’m done. What can I do for you?” Now, THAT is making love. Courtesy and generosity are gestures full of love.
And, right now, my craving is killing me! Today I have looked at so many women and thought what they would taste like. I have tried to picture their vagina and how it would respond to my tongue.
Today, I am like an illogical, irrational pregnant woman. My tongue is hanging out of my mouth, as if it brings it closer to some random vagina. Like a vampire, I am this craving; this craving is me, and it MUST be satisfied.