sarina5169's blog post - time to blog again....

but this time i don't even know what i want to blog about......i've got so many things running around in my head, tonight there are no big ones....just wee thoughts fleeting through.

I'm feeling the love around lately, not just on NN, but on other boards(non-adult) and in life in general....i close myself off alot without meaning to, but i have finally scraped the odd second of two to chat with those around me, it made me realize that i'm surrounded by some wonderful friends(i always knew that bit lol) and that i should try to do it more often...but when i do grab a little time, its minutes.....i think i may have just gotten run down with the daily grind....

With all the sh!t in the world it is easy to just hide and see the world as bad and untrustworthy...i mean sure, there are many that are bad and untrustworthy but there are so many more who are not those things, i have discovered some of the sweetest most beautiful souls ever made in the past wee while....it makes me happy, it makes me want to be a better person every second of the day...its hope, that the world isn't going to hell in a handbasket....i'm trying to surround myself in those people and ignoring the others that life says you gotta deal with even at a distance lol...oh gawd, listen to me.....

now by all that, you probably think life was sh!t for a while, it wasn't, its been good, which i find odd when i re-read the above, but its how its all coming out.....so thats the way it is!
I think i stopped learning and growing through that time, life was good, but i was stagnant? maybe? can't think of the words....my friends have re-started another growth spurt, a new learning curve....but its all over life, not just in certain area's...i think i might be starting to grow up, i don't know whether to be scared or excited.....atm, i'm both, the first 6 months of this year were horrendous, so stressful, i think when things started to ease up a little i got complacent(sp) now i feel like it was wasted time....and i don't like that feeling, so now forward....onwards and upwards and all that

So, hope!(i feel a little like Billy Connelly, jumping back to an earlier part of the act lol, wonder how many of these thoughts will just trail off-i know what i'm like when i get started pmsl)yes HOPE, thats what i feel, well, i think thats what it is, not like faith or something certain and written in stone, but just at the possibilities, not that i have got that far yet, but it feels like i'd like to see where this all ends up, you know? what i'll have learned in a years time, the way i see people, how close i can allow myself to get.....i will freely admit that most won't understand what the hell i'm talking about, i'm not sure i understand fully myself yet, but you will all be thinking 'look at the pics you post, you are not the withheld type' not sexually, i'm very confident in that area(not in a big headed sense, just i'm happy with where i'm at and stopping to enjoy things throughout the journey)but i know i have issues, i don't know where they stem from, but i feel like my private feelings are private, to even those closest to me, its not an issue as such, it doesn't cause any problems, but i'd like to be able to not feel quite so vulrenable to be open with those i see as close to me, i have been taking the steps to rectify that and am feeling huge changes already...but i do wonder why? i have complete honesty and trust with Bri, but i find it hard to be so open with others, hence this monster blog of mindless thoughts.....i feel a few blogs coming on, this was supposed to be about many issues, and i haven't even began....i get stuck pondering and jumping from one subject to another that could possibly, loosely be linked somewhere in my head.....

off to find something else to talk about, i'm so tired my brain is in shutdown....but i still can't sleep.....i know why i can't sleep...ohhhh i can blog about that lmao, thats more fun and interesting than my insomniac head